Listen to Me Page #2

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(CROWD CHEERING)

The affirmative will prove

that the institution

best suited to educating

our nation's youth about sex

is the family.

(CROWD BOOING)

And when the schools attempt

to meddle in these matters,

they are, in fact,

promoting promiscuity

and undermining the values

of our nation.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I hate this school.

It's a bunch of Cretans

and Neanderthals and b*obs.

These have the special

reservoir tip.

Who am I talking to?

Why am I even talking to you?

Hey. Hey, now, watch this.

McKellar is the best.

Personally, I think

he's even better than

Lloynd and Shields

from Harvard.

So let me understand

your position.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Are you telling us

that high school

and college students

should abstain

from having sex?

SUSAN:
Yes.

-(CROWD BOOING)

-(GARSON CHUCKLES)

So when the hormones

start throbbing

and some young adolescent

starts feeling, uh...

-Horny!

-(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, horny!

What're you suggesting

they do, Susan?

What do you mean?

Choke the chicken,

slap the dolphin,

bleed the lizards,

-(CROWD CHEERING)

-spank the monkey!

Yes, yes,

that's what I'm saying.

If you need to, then...

Masturbate.

(CROWD BOOING)

Susan, do you masturbate?

-(CROWD LAUGHING)

-I, uh, um... Well...

It's really none of your

business. Do you?

-As rarely as possible.

-(CROWD CHEERING)

SUSAN:
Mr. McKellar,

you are revolting.

I know. Isn't that awful?

(CROWD LAUGHING)

Susan,

is abstinence realistic?

In light of the recent report

"AIDS In The Year 2000,"

that over one-third

of our nation's teenagers

are regularly engaging

in sexual intercourse.

You guys might want to

read that.

-(CROWD LAUGHING)

-Is it realistic when we know

that after homosexuals,

intravenous drug users,

and hemophiliacs,

that teenagers are the highest

risk group for AIDS.

Of course, it's realistic.

Nuns do it all the time.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

Uh, they abstain,

I mean to say.

But teenagers do not.

Research proves

that teenagers are

as sexually inquisitive

as they've always been,

and that the only way

to protect them

is by giving them information

and providing them

with immediate access

to protection.

(CROWD CHEERING)

No, no! Wait a moment.

No. This sounds as if

he's saying

it's okay for them to be

as promiscuous as they want.

No. No, Susan, that's

not what I'm saying at all.

All I'm saying is

light is better than darkness,

knowledge is better

than ignorance.

And it's our duty, isn't it,

to make sure that

the young people

of our great nation

don't die?

(CROWD CHEERING)

(WHISTLING)

Hey, you know, Monica,

I'm gonna go call my folks.

-Okay.

-So, uh, I'll see ya.

My pleasure. Take care.

-Bye, guys.

-Bye-bye.

Hey, what do you say

you let me buy you

a cup of coffee.

-Come on.

-I can't. I have to study.

Chicago,

what are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid of anything.

I just can't date

until I'm sure I can

handle the work load.

I'm sorry.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

-You were really good today.

-Thanks.

You're welcome.

Charlie, please,

nobody's trying to

put you on the spot here.

We all know how tough

the conference is.

My God, Charlie,

we finished second

at the pass two seasons.

Nobody's implying

you have slipped,

but we all wanna be

back on top, don't we?

You win the conferences here,

Gar could be debating

for a national title

in front of the Supreme Court

this spring.

And my media people tell me

there's gonna be

national network coverage.

Charlie, you know

what that means?

CHARLIE:
Yeah, it means

your son's face will be known

to half the homes in America

before he even goes

to law school.

-61.9% of homes.

-(LAUGHING)

Senator, listen, I'd kill

for a national title,

but I don't think your son can

pull that miracle off alone.

We got some terrific kids

on scholarship.

Maybe this will be our year,

maybe it won't.

Coach, just tell me

you believe we can do it.

Charlie, you know

we can do it, don't you?

We can do it.

-Good man.

-(CHUCKLING)

Charlie, I owe you, uh...

Well, I owe you a big thanks

for taking Gar

under your wing like that.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Your son and I

are good friends, but, uh,

the last time I looked

in the mirror,

-I'm sure as hell

didn't see any wings.

-(CHUCKLES)

SENATOR:

I wouldn't be surprised

if you try to bolter

Gar one more time

before he graduates.

I did.

Politics

is a very scary legacy

to inherit.

We all try to run from it

as long as we can.

CHARLIE:
All right.

When I call your name

come down and pick

a subject out of this hat.

Be prepared to speak

for five minutes.

Remember that we are

restricted to a team of 30.

With 15 returning debaters,

that means there's

only 15 open slots.

(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

"Should criminal lawyers

"defend clients they

believe are lying?"

Definitely not.

This kind

of personal dishonesty

is destroying the very fabric

of the legal profession.

It puts dangerous criminals

back on the streets

where they can steal,

and rape, and kill again,

but worst of all, it erodes

our faith in justice.

Now take the other side.

It doesn't matter

if you're guilty or innocent,

you have an inalienable right

to legal counsel,

and a lawyer has a duty

to provide it.

To take away this right

because some lawyer has come

to some personal conclusion

about the guilt of his client

is to deny that person

due process of law.

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

All right, Chicago!

I am here today, my friends,

to urge you to bring back

public hangings.

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

No, seriously,

ladies and gentlemen,

how else are we going

to scare our criminals

into leaving us alone,

unless we play for keeps?

I can see it.

Hangings on TV,

the Friday night

hanging of the week.

-Seriously.

-(STUDENTS CHUCKLING)

I mean, close-ups

on their faces,

-the instant their neck snap.

-(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

Cutaways

to their children's faces,

extreme close-ups

of the spittle drooling

from the lips of the

dearly departed. (CHUCKLES)

Now, Hugh, uh, as you can see

the color is draining rapidly

from the face and the legs

which stopped jerking

spasmodically,

and their eyes

have glazed over.

Yes, Barbra, you're right,

but we'll have to wait for the

celebrity coroner of the week

to tell us

if he's officially dead.

(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)

Ms. Lumis, your resume

tells me that in high school

you had some success

as a public speaker.

But I should have to warn you

that on the college circuit,

we don't give any points

on sympathy.

No, I don't expect

any sympathy.

All the handicapped I know,

Ms. Lumis, thrive on sympathy.

Why should you be different?

Because I don't

think of myself

as handicapped or crippled.

This happened

when I was eight.

I couldn't sit upright

for four years.

-I shattered my hip, man.

-Uh, Ms. Lumis...

No, and I was in

a full-body cast

for the first year and a half.

And my doctor said I'd never

recover any feeling in my leg.

Ms. Lumis...

I lifted weights,

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