Living It Up

There she goes, Homer,

the Super Chief!

Seems she goes much faster

passing Desert Hole.

In exactly 28 seconds,

I'll be climbing aboard

the Eastbound Skyrocket,

following her every inch of the way.

Gee, Mr Jackson, I sure wish

I could go to New York with you.

Now, Homer,

you're gonna be filling my shoes.

- Stationmaster of Desert Hole.

- Yeah.

In exactly 52 years,

you'll be getting your pension.

Then you'll be on your way to wine,

women and song!

- In 52 years who'll be able to sing?

- There comes the Skyrocket!

- Well, at last I'm on my way.

- All aboard!

You'd better hurry, Mr Jackson,

they hate to wait in this station long.

Broadway, Radio City,

the Yankee Stadium!

Here, son.

Sleep with this under your pillow.

- Thanks. Goodbye, Mr Jackson.

- So long, Homer!

I'll mail you your card

from the Copacabana.

See you in 52 years.

Bye!

That was a short trip.

Hey! Hey, come back, I'm here! Hey!

Hey! Hey, you!

Come back here!

What's your name?

Oh, please work. Please work.

Oh, boy, it works!

Reckless driver!

Radioactive car! Run for your lives!

Hi, mister.

Could I get some water, please?

- Oh, you bet your life. Okay.

- Hey, what's all the commotion

with everybody running away?

Well, I'll be diddly-dad-burnt if I know.

- Everyone rushing around.

- Yeah.

- Say, what kind of a car is this here?

- Oh, that's a...

- Excuse me.

- Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.

- This is... Oh, Radioactive. Four door.

- I never heard of it.

You never heard of a Radioactive?

Cars coming in and out of here

all day long?

I'll never forget the first time

I saw a Radioactive.

- Good morning, Mr Stone.

- Good morning.

- Oliver!

- I'm not interested.

- Oliver, you've got to hear me.

- Get out. I fired you last week.

Do you want me to repeat those words

with all their Anglo-Saxon charm?

Oh, but here's salvation, Oliver.

A shot in the arm

for your dying scandal sheet.

Now, look! "Desert Hole, New Mexico"...

I don't want to listen to you,

you female Svengali.

The Mother Goose stories

that you talked me into printing.

"The Man from the Flying Saucer,"

a midget that you dressed up

in a Buck Rogers outfit.

"The Man on the Ledge," your brother.

You're right, but this poor kid,

Homer Flagg,

his country doctor only gives him

three weeks to live,

radiation poisoning eating away

his bones.

- Your phoney stories, eating away mine.

- But this time I'm going straight.

- Now, look, Desert Hole, New Mexico.

- We covered it.

Covered it! We ain't covered... Oliver!

You covered it!

Six lines on the back page

next to the kidney remedies.

Did you read the last line?

"All I hope is that I can see

New York City before I die."

"All I hope is that I can see

New York City before I die."

That's not the end of the story, Oliver.

That's just the beginning.

- I ought to be shot for what I'm thinking.

- What are you thinking, Oliver?

I'm thinking that

maybe that cynical mind of yours

has hit pay dirt at last.

Maybe you've really learnt your lesson.

You'll never be sorry.

We'll bring that kid to New York

for a last fling at life.

Pay all expenses as long as he lasts.

The New York Morning Chronicle

pays its debt to humanity.

It won't hurt circulation, either.

I knew

your better instincts would triumph.

Well, I'll go to the cashier

and get my expense money.

Wait a minute!

What if this kid doesn't die

in three weeks?

What if he just keeps on living?

Oh, I wouldn't let him do a thing like that

to you, Oliver.

People worry

about the pursuit of happiness

It's amazing the amount

of time and energy they spend

When there's really only one approach

To the present psychological trend

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, baby

That's what I like

Hold me, hug me, pet me, baby

That's what I like

You don't have to give me

clever conversation

I just want affection

Not an education

Kiss me, hold me, hug me, pet me, baby

That's what I'd like you to do

And love me, love me, love me,

baby, too

You don't have to give me

classy conversation

I just want affection

Not an education

Kiss me, hold me, hug me, pet me, baby

That's what I'd like you to do

And love me, love me, love me,

baby, too

Doc. Doc.

- Doc!

- What is it?

Oh, well, I just came

from making out my will.

It didn't take very long, and I...

Love me, love me

Well, this is a fine time to be singing.

I have a good mind to disinherit you.

Stop looking so tragic, Homer.

You're not going to die,

unless you get run over or something.

But you told me

I had something terrible.

And my blood and my tests

and my X-rays.

I know. I checked them over again.

You don't have radiation poisoning.

Look, and your blood count,

well, it got away from me.

I should've paid more attention in class.

What?

- Look, Doc.

- Yeah?

I know you're the best pal I got here

in town.

- That's right.

- Well, I don't want you to spare me.

- I won't.

- I mean, I can take it.

- I know it.

- Let me know the worst.

Homer, don't you think

I'd want you to have radiation poisoning,

just to break up the monotony?

Look, Doc, give it to me straight.

When do I keel over?

Will you listen to me?

You know, you even threw me a curve

on the fluoroscope.

I did?

I was so anxious to get a patient,

I didn't notice

that your radiation had numbers on it.

- 10:
27. Exactly.

- Right.

- And you know that car you drove?

- Yeah?

It was sitting in the desert for months.

And believe me, Homer, all you have

is a very slight sinus condition,

which I'll do my best to prolong.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

- I'm not gonna die?

- No, you're not gonna die.

I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna live.

I'm gonna live!

I'm gonna live?

Oh, no, Doc, you can't do that.

- Easy, Homer. Come on. Here, Homer.

- No, I can't, Doc. I made some plans.

- I can't live.

- Sit down.

- No, I don't want to, Doc.

- Homer.

- Oh, that's not fair, Doc. Gee willikers.

- Here, take some of these pills.

- A sedative.

- No.

It'll knock you out at first,

but then you'll feel great.

- I think that's what it does.

- No, thanks.

What's wrong with you, Homer?

You should be celebrating.

I just saved your life.

First patient I ever did that for.

Well, I don't want to sound ungrateful,

Doc, but you also just spoiled my trip.

- What trip?

- My trip to New York.

I was gonna use the $300 bonus

the railroad gives you for dying

to go to New York and have a good time

and die happy.

Oh, I'm sorry, kid. If it was up to me,

you could have a trip around the world.

What good would that do me?

I'd only wind up back in Desert Hole.

There's nothing wrong with Desert Hole,

if you like holes in the desert.

Well, I kind of graduated from it

while I was dying.

Now I have to go back to that station,

working every day

and watching the Super Chief whiz by.

If only once it would go...

But, no, always...

All right, all right, all right.

Steady, Homer, easy. Easy.

Gee whiz, Doc! I'm not ungrateful,

but it is kind of strange

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes