Living on Velvet Page #3

there's the initials T.P. in his hat.

In your own hat, you brass-buttoned

gorilla. Shut up!

Okay, Mr Pritcham.

I'm telling you again that

T.P. stands for "Third Prize".

I won that hat at a spelling

bee in High School.

47th Street Station. And you'd

better get right down here.

Oh you .. you .. overstuffed pelvis.

Why don't you mind your own business?

Why don't you lock a man up

like you're supposed to do?

Say, what right have you got

to go calling people up?

You fosset-nosed round-faced baboon.

Ah, shut up.

Ah, you said that before,

you web-footed troglodyte.

Anything else?

Yeah. Just this ..

I suppose you know I had to pull a lot

of strings to get you out of that jam.

Why didn't you let me know

you were going off on a binge?

I might have gone with you.

Mr Pritcham is expecting me, Lawton.

Mr Pritcham is upstairs

with Mr Parker, Miss.

But .. Mr Parker is in the shower, Miss.

That's alright, Lawton.

Will you come out of there.

I want a word with you.

Hello Terry.

I know .. you want a towel.

History tells us there is very little use

in declaring war on Police Departments.

Running away.

That's another useless thing.

Hello, Terry.

You know ..

There is a certain class of people,

you just won't be run away from.

It's impossible.

Utterly, utterly impossible.

Why you're not going

to marry this .. this man?

In the lexicon of youth, aunt Martha,

there is no such word as "impossible".

Amy, aunt Martha is right.

It is impossible.

Will you please excuse us.

I want to speak to my niece.

Aunt Martha, I'm afraid you

are going to need my help.

In order to have the best chance with Amy,

we'll have to present a united front.

Mr Parker .. I ask you again to leave us.

But I agree with you. I'm on your side.

On the side of truth,

common-sense and logic.

Oh I see, you are going to be noble.

I'm going to be honest.

Now let's face the facts.

Well, do you mind if I face them

sitting down? I've had a busy day.

Now there is Walter Pritcham.

In love with Amy.

Thoroughly responsible.

A wealthy pillar of the community.

Safe, sane, sound.

Truly a veritable "Gibraltar".

And here is Terence C. Parker.

The "C" stands for Clarence.

A scoundrel without

a single saving grace.

Aunt Martha is only guilty

of understatement.

He's thoroughly irresponsible.

A pauper.

A social outcast and a lunatic.

He'd lead you a dog's life,

this "Parker" fellow.

But I love this Parker fellow.

Oh Amy, you've got to listen to reason.

Now Gibraltar can give you everything.

But I don't want anything.

With Gibraltar you are sure of happiness.

That depends on what you

call "happiness", Mr Parker.

I'm of no account. Worthless.

My life stopped two years ago.

I'm miserable. I'll only

make you miserable too.

You'll never know a minute's

rest, or a day's contentment.

Oh, it all sounds so wonderful.

Alright .. get your hat.

Amy! Where are you going? Amy ..

That you may so live

together in this life.

And in the world to come, you

may have life .. everlasting.

Amen.

Thank you, sir. Thanks for

a beautiful ceremony.

Thank you very much.

Everything went off nicely.

Thank you, sir.

Oh.

My compliments to the organist.

The music was splendid.

I was thinking .. perhaps,

a little wedding breakfast?

Hungry? Uhuh.

Neither am I.

Thank you.

Where were you planning to live?

Funny .. I never gave that a thought.

Do you like Long Island?

Do you? No.

Neither do I.

Thank you.

Thanks.

That settles the housing problem.

Listen well.

I have a little six-room

house out in Patchogue.

Out where the pavement ends.

American colonial.

It has a bed that

Washington never slept in.

And it hasn't been rented

since the Indians left.

I was thinking perhaps,

after the honeymoon.

When you are ready to

sort of, settle a bit.

I'd like you to take it.

It sounds grand.

Doesn't it?

Just a moment, my dear.

There are other things to consider.

Any ground?

A nicely run-down two acres.

Plumbing, heating-system okay?

The Indians never complained.

Well .. what are you asking for it?

Well, let's see now. Patchogue.

Fashionable neighbourhood,

six rooms, two acres of ground.

And .. there's a small car out there.

Tinker with it a bit and it might run.

Would ..

Five dollars a month be too much?

To be perfectly frank, Pritcham, we

hadn't expected to pay quite that much.

You see .. we're very poor.

My husband wouldn't allow me to

take one penny from aunt Martha.

Oh.

Well I might make it four-and-a-half.

But that's rock-bottom.

Well, if it really has a bed that

Washington never slept in.

Does the four-and-a-half

include gardener and water?

Of course.

Well .. we're not promising anything.

Well, we'll look it over.

Terry.

Terry!

Yes, darling. I know you mean well. But

you can finish those pantry-knobs later.

Oh, you can't be too careful

about these things.

That's how the neighbours judge you.

"How are her pantry-knobs?"

That's what they want to know.

Yes darling, I know.

Now come along .. come along.

I want you to get the car and

drive to the nearest phone.

And call the electric company, and ask

them to turn on the lights immediately.

Information will give you the number.

Then call the phone company. Say we want

the phone connected as soon as possible.

Got that straight?

Of course I have. I'm not such

an imbecile as some people think.

You leave my aunt out of this.

Ha, ha, ha ..

And while you are down

town, stop at the market.

We've got to get in some

staples that are necessary.

Make a list there, darling.

Ready?

Yes.

Bread .. salt .. pepper.

Sugar .. flour.

Cinnamon?

Yes, dear. Cinnamon.

Baking soda, cornflakes.

Farina.

Yes, dear. Farina.

Canned soup, canned tomatoes, sardines.

Oh, I saw some sardines once.

In blue cans and red cans.

What colour would you like?

I'll leave the colour

scheme to you, dear.

Then coffee .. milk .. cream.

Butter and eggs. All I can

think of at the moment.

Don't you forget anything, now.

Ney, ney.

Hello.

Oh Terry, there is no light yet.

Should there be?

Well, didn't you?

Oh darling, sorry. But in the excitement

of buying, it must have slipped my mind.

Alright .. it doesn't matter.

At least we've got food.

There we are. All set for the winter.

Where's the bread?

Bread?

Oh yes, bread.

Why, how could I have forgotten it?

Bread, the staff of life.

Tinned shrimps.

Don't bother to look in there

any more. They're all shrimps.

Oh.

Yes.

That's the caviar section there.

All caviar?

That's pate de foie-gras.

All pate de foie-gras.

They must have put anchovies in there.

Anchovies?

Caviar .. pate de foie-gras and shrimp.

Oh there are other staples there too. Now

there's sardines and cinnamon and farina.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Yes, Terry .. that's what I wanted.

Well ..- I'll get some kind

of dinner together.

Amy.

Yes?

It's an engagement ring.

I'm an awful baby, Terry.

But I guess I just was terribly tired.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes