Locker 13 Page #3

Let's just not have

that happen again, Clifford.

No, sir.

Now go wash up.

Yes, sir.

So, Eugene, are you prepared

for the initiation ceremony

this evening?

- One!

- Two!

Three!

Clumsy!

So, Eugene, are you prepared

for your initiation ceremony this evening?

Uh, yeah.

Yes, I think so.

I'm grateful for the opportunity.

I can assure you,

it's a lot less intimidating

than you may have been led

to believe.

Really? I'm glad to hear that.

There's...

There's not really paddling,

is there?

My boy, the only paddling

you'll find here

is the paddling

of the canoe of success

down the river of free enterprise

and fellowship,

and the Lodge is

the rudder on that canoe.

No rudders on a canoe, Fred.

- What?

- A canoe's got no rudder.

Well, it's certainly got

a steering device of some sort,

to stay the course of industry?

Oars, Fred. Canoe has oars.

Have you been

shown around the Lodge?

No, nope.

- Please.

- Okay.

This is our dressing room,

where each member

is assigned a locker

where he keeps

his sacred implements...

his robe, minor scepter,

fez block and such.

These items are never

to leave the premises

under any circumstances.

Never.

Unless they get dirty.

Well, yes,

then they can be taken home

and laundered,

but otherwise...

Hmm.

Well, well,

who gets the fancy locker?

Eugene?

Can I call you Gene?

Gene, we don't talk

about this particular sacrarium.

It has its purpose,

and we don't talk about it,

so let's not talk about it any further.

It has its purpose,

and that's as it should be.

Understood?

Hey, guys, I apologize.

Oh, no, no.

Your ignorance is refreshing,

for now.

What's all the hubbub?

I know you fellas

don't want to miss the show,

and by show, I mean va-va-voom!

Never mind Grover.

He's the Lodge wag,

a more unrepentant wearer

of the motley you'll not soon find.

Nor should you.

Well said.

Hello, boys!

Hey.

My goodness,

is anyone else hot in here,

or is it just me?

Whoa!

Say, boys, I feel like singin'.

Does anybody mind?

What happened

to your hand, buddy?

Excuse me, Miss,

uh, where's Trixie?

Oh, well, that.

Trixie came down

with a bad case of the thrumps

and a touch of milk leg.

It was sort

of a last-minute thing.

But I'm Lola.

You mean, she's not coming?

Well, what's your worry, boys?

I mean, won't I do in a pinch?

What's that noise?

I couldn't get a sitter,

so sue me.

Criminy, we've never had a hooker

bring in a baby here before.

Hey, who are you callin' a hooker?

I ain't a hooker.

I'm an entertainer.

I sing, I dance,

I'm very musical,

but I ain't no hooker.

I'm what you would call

a well-rounded entertainer.

Well-rounded?

You're telling me!

I got a song to do.

The Queen's daughter

shook with fright

Don't know what to do

on my wedding night

The Queen told her,

"Be polite

"Just close your eyes

and think of England"

She's a real firecracker,

eh, Eugene?

Oh, and she brought

her baby along. Wild.

Well, everybody's got

a gimmick these days.

Guy at the door

gave me this, Fred.

Said it was important.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, my God.

Good Lord, why tonight?

Oh, my God, he's here.

What? What?

The glad rags

and the giggle water

Can transform

a farmer's daughter

From a cold fish

into somethin' hot

Still, I close my eyes

and think of England

Whoa.

Why so jumpy, Lumpy?

I think there's

some trouble, Clifford.

We got a corn-fed calamity

brewing, boys.

This is huge.

For what's about to transpire,

I truly apologize.

Clifford, go tell the men

it's full garb tonight.

Scepters and robes.

We've got a visitor from National.

Who... Who's here?

MacClemore, the entertainment

has to stop immediately.

Go tell Lola, the musical whore,

to get in the cake and remain there

and not make a sound.

- Me?

- Chop chop.

What gives?

Excuse me.

They want you back in the cake.

- What?

- I don't know.

What gives?

But I didn't get to my big finish yet.

How do you think I feel?

Where'd you learn

how to play the trombone?

Gentlemen,

I'm pleased to announce

that we have

a special guest with us

to enjoy this reverent night

of celebration,

commitment, and obedience.

He's making his first appearance

in the state in over ten years,

and he's agreed to officiate

the ceremony tonight.

Floyd Marley, for the last thirty years,

has overseen...

No more stalling, Manfred.

Why are these men not robed?

Why are they not wearing

their sacred implements?

Is there not to be

an initiation tonight?

Yes, Floyd...

uh, Mr. Marley, there is.

This is the newest member

of the order, Eugene MacClemore.

Not a member yet.

Scheduled for seven p.m.,

is that correct?

Yes, sir, seven p.m. Yes.

That is eight minutes from now.

All the windows and all the doors

will be shackled, per the charter,

and all the men

will be prepared and obedient.

Now go!

Go! Go, go, go, go, go!

Gentlemen, we begin.

I had no notion

of how far this chapter

has slipped

in the last few years,

so it is imperative

that we start anew,

that we re-establish this Lodge

with a sacrifice...

the blood of the innocent.

Gavin, see what you can do

about the telephone.

I think we need

to be incommunicado.

Mr. MacClemore, tonight you will lead

the cleansing of this Lodge...

with its lethargy and something else.

Mr. MacClemore,

you have the enviable responsibility

of cleansing this Lodge, sir,

of its misdeeds and its lethargy.

Sir, what exactly does that entail?

Silence! Silence.

The more you speak...

the more corrupted your blood becomes.

And only the blood

that is least corrupted

will adequately cleanse this Lodge.

Um, when you say blood,

do you really mean...

And tonight,

in this place,

there is no blood

more innocent than yours.

Well, well, I stand corrected.

What child is this?

What child is this?

It's my child, all right?

Mine.

And who talks like that?

"What child is this?"

A whore?

You dare defile and sully

this institution with a whore?

Who you callin' a whore,

you goblin?

Actually, sir, she's not a whore.

She's an entertainer.

A well-rounded entertainer.

A well-rounded entertainer.

Is that supposed to be funny?

In his defense,

it got a pretty big laugh earlier.

I don't care

what kind of laugh it got!

I want to know why...

- Oh, jeez!

- It's his heart again!

Ahh!

Take your place, sir.

Let us get him to the hospital!

Closest hospital's

twenty minutes away.

Let's just get him out of here.

No! No! No one leaves!

Nobody leaves once

the ceremony has begun.

But Grover will die if he... Aah!

Insubordination!

Intolerable!

I don't mean any disrespect, sir,

but I'm willing

to forego the ceremony...

And it spreads like cancer!

Hey, Cliff, are you okay?

I'm sorry, Eugene.

It looks like we're both out.

That's fine with me.

This guy's off his nut!

Well, actually, within the confines

of the organization,

he's extremely reasonable.

Oh! Clifford!

Aah!

Oh, Clifford! Hey!

Extremely reasonable.

Disobedience, insubordination

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