Looking: The Movie Page #5

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as a shop manager

and getting hitched to a man,

I--

What did you know

about anything in those days?

I mean, we couldn't even

get married back then.

You heard those guys

last night.

Frank, especially him,

Dom, Brady...

Ugh.

Don't listen to

anything Brady says.

He's like a...

blog that nobody reads

but in human form.

But those guys

were right. I...

I used to think that

I would be like Keith Haring

or Robert Mapplethorpe,

but instead, I've become...

Neil Patrick Harris,

only not as cool

'cause I can't tap dance.

You could learn.

Ugh, I'm being

serious, Paddy.

I'm not who

I thought I'd be,

and that's tough

for me to take.

I've become everything

that I've rallied against

for years very loudly.

Well, you're allowed

to change.

Especially when you've found

something that works for you.

But what happens

if I get married

and I freak out?

Not about Eddie,

but about me.

What happens if I can't cope

that this new me is so far

from who I thought I'd be

that I f*** everything up?

What happens if I hurt Eddie?

I-- I don't want

to do that to him.

I-- I cant--

I can't do that to him.

What makes you think

you'll do that?

Because it's what I do,

for f***'s sake!

Before you know it,

I'll be on a...

on the phone with CJ,

and I'll get him

and a couple

of other RentBoys

to f*** Eddie

just so I can

feel better about myself.

I doubt that very much.

I think you learned

your lesson there.

(chuckles)

Did I?

You know what I love...

over the last couple of years?

When you found that

something didn't work for you,

you somehow found

a way to fix it,

and that made you happy.

Right?

I suppose.

I mean, you are happier now

than you've ever been.

Not in this particular moment,

obviously, but who cares

if you aren't who you thought

you were gonna be when

you were 18 years old.

You have had

10 years of experience

to figure out

what it is you really need.

That's...

that's well said.

And you know what?

This is not

a Katherine Heigl movie.

F*** her. This is your

Sigourney Weaver

Alien trilogy.

(laughs)

You've got so much left to go.

(groans)

You could even start up

your art practice again.

Oh, no, that's

a scary thought.

(chuckles)

Scarier than the alien.

(chuckles)

That's true.

Forget I said the last part,

but you know what I mean.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

(sighs)

(buzzing)

Oh, my God, we're

just like Julianne Moore

and Annette Bening in

"The Kids Are All Right."

(muffled laugh)

Totally!

Who am I?

Annette Bening,

obviously.

"You're sleeping

with him, aren't you?"

(laughs)

Dom...

do you think things

would have been different

for me if I came out

when I was 16?

Different how?

I don't know,

just different.

More adjusted like Jimmy

from the other night

or better at being

in relationships maybe.

I thought you didn't want

a relationship.

Yeah, well, maybe

I was kidding myself

just a little bit.

At least you admit it.

(chuckles)

So what do you think?

Well, I may not be

the best person to ask

about relationships

since my history

is with a meth-head

and an old dude in love

with a dead guy, but...

(chuckles)

maybe it's not

worth thinking about.

You can't go back in time.

You know, maybe everything

would have taken

a very different turn

if you had managed

to shoehorn your dick

into my butt

all those years ago.

Oh, God, seriously?

Yeah.

I would have gotten over

my anal sex fear

a lot earlier.

Probably a lot

of other fears too.

Remember in

that movie "2012"

when California sank

into the Pacific?

You really think

it would have been that bad?

Yes.

And plus, we never

would've become best friends

and that would have

been a real shame.

That's true.

I am glad that

you're my best friend now.

Especially since Agustn's

out of the picture.

(chuckles)

So what if we got

together now?

Sure.

I don't want a relationship,

but for you,

I'll make an exception.

Oh, come on.

(coughs)

It's not the worst idea

in the world.

It's up there.

You just said

we're best friends, all right?

Yeah.

And that is the perfect basis

for a relationship.

Says who?

Says Agustn.

What the hell does he know?

I mean...

we don't make

each other sick...

like...

physically, right?

Or do I make you sick?

That depends

on what I've eaten.

I don't know. I mean...

maybe this has been

staring us in the face

the whole time.

You are actually

scaring me right now.

No, listen, we understand

and accept each other's flaws.

Your work is important to you

as mine is to me.

We like the same movies.

I mean, on paper, it's--

(chuckles)

Would you stop laughing?

On paper, it sounds

totally right.

You are not being serious.

(chuckles)

Not really.

Okay, good.

But it would be nice,

wouldn't it?

To...

suddenly find something

by mistake that makes sense.

That...

(sighs)

makes it all...

easier.

What just happened?

I kissed you.

Why?

I just-- I don't know.

I was just--

I felt like it.

I wanted to see

if you were right.

Okay.

And you looked

a little sad, so...

(both chuckle)

How did it feel?

A little bit weird,

of I'm honest, yeah.

Right? Yeah? Like kissing

your brother?

Yeah. Oh, God.

I can't believe we did that.

Oh... oh, my God.

Oh...

I think maybe

I'm a little stoned.

Yeah, me too.

Okay. Good.

Oh, we should sleep.

(chuckles)

I'm sorry I made you

make out with me.

Well, you did say

you wanted me

to have some fun.

So fun.

(both chuckle)

Go again?

(laughter)

Oh, God.

It's so hard to know

if you're doing

the right thing, isn't it?

Yes.

(sighs)

So what's the answer?

Oh, f*** knows.

Although maybe you were

right this morning.

About what?

About closing the chapter.

It's so easy to let the past

make a mess of the present.

You should try not

to let that happen, just FYI.

(text tone whooshes)

(phone chimes, vibrates)

(clicking)

Well, this is a surprise.

You're blond.

Yeah, I'm blond.

You had your hair cut too.

You look well.

(chuckles)

You didn't need to dress up.

Yeah.

Agustn's getting married

today, actually, so...

To Eddie? F***.

Yeah.

Well, I'd never put money

on that lasting.

Yeah, well, love is

a mysterious game, I guess.

Yeah.

You look well, too,

by the way.

Thank you.

So should we just stand here

and tell each other

how well we look

or should we go get

that coffee and explain

why you texted me?

Let's do that.

Okay.

I'm thinking this way.

Yeah.

Cool?

Yes, let's do it.

Cool.

So how's Denver?

I love what you guys

are doing there.

It's good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I hear you're finally

heading your own chain.

That's a good thing.

That's something that

should have happened

a long time ago.

Thanks.

A word of advice though:

don't go falling

for any of your subordinates.

(chuckles)

I'll try my best.

How's MDG?

And Owen?

I haven't really--

Talked to him?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

He's good.

He's been promoted.

Oh, Meredith,

she finally came out.

What?

I'm kidding.

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