Looking: The Movie Page #8

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Wedding rings

don't do sh*t, all right?

Babies, on the other hand,

so much harder

to flush down a toilet.

You gotta really...

What?

...work out. What?

What? Oh, my God. What?

I'm so drunk, y'all.

What'd I say?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, are you--

I'm not. No. no,

no, no, no, no!

I'm not, but think

I'm pregnant?

No, I'm not. I wouldn't be

drinking if I was.

Well, then again,

if I was my mother,

I would be, right?

Oh, my gosh,

you are, aren't you?

No, I'm-- I'm not, okay?

But okay, Sherlock Homo.

You got-- We're--

Malik and me,

we are talking

about having a baby, yes.

Doris, this is

incredible news!

Oh, God, is it?

Yeah!

That I'm becoming

this big, old cliche

is incredible news?

Cliche? No, if you want

to have a baby,

you want to have

a baby, right?

Yeah, I guess.

Oh, my God,

does Dom know?

No. I was gonna

tell him yesterday,

but then you ruined it.

Oh, my--

Get a second--

I haven't. Oh, God. Okay.

What?

Tell him now.

No!

What?

Tell him!

Oh, sh*t.

Take it easy, okay?

You're making--

I-- I-- Nothing!

It's just Malik and me are--

we're talking about

having a baby,

which probably--

What?!

I may not even

be able to have one, okay?

'Cause I'm old. There's gonna

be nothing but sand pouring

out of me, who knows.

Are you kidding me?

And if we have one,

it's gonna have

his weird chest hair

and my overbite.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding.

No. We are-- we are

talking about it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Unfortunately, that's--

Wow, I...

Where it's going--

I can't...

I'm gonna be an uncle?

Yep, you're gonna

be a gunkle.

Why didn't you tell me?

Just-- I don't know, I just...

But why wouldn't you

tell me that?

I don't--

Because I guess I--

Because I thought that

if I was gonna have a baby

in my life,

I honestly thought

I was gonna have one with you,

and I'm not going to

be having one...

with you.

Doris...

I know it's stupid--

This is better!

Oh!

It's so much better!

All right, you're spilling

your beer all over me too.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay.

That's just f***ing amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, the miracle of life.

Okay, listen,

I'm not gonna get married

though, all right?

Don't bring that up.

I believe that's such--

I'm gonna--

It's gonna be a bastard child.

That's what we want,

and for God sakes,

please let it be a gay baby.

I want a gay baby.

Well, with you as its mother,

the poor f***

doesn't have a choice.

Right? I know.

But before I ruin my life,

I wanna do some drugs tonight,

pretend we're 25.

F*** yes!

Handsome Jake has

some, uh, moon rocks.

"Handsome Jake"?

Are you up for it?

Yes, I'm up for it.

Yeah.

Handsome Jake is kind of

weakening my resolve.

Okay.

So yeah.

Okay, all right, yes.

This evening is

taking a little turn.

Yes!

I thought it was

gonna be a nightmare.

Wonderful.

All right, let's do it.

Let's do it.

(clears throat)

Hey.

Also, this does not

last forever,

this feeling you're having.

I know exactly what

you're feeling too.

This whole misery thing,

it passes. It does.

If you want it to,

it will, okay?

All right.

I'll talk to you later.

Automatic

What is this madness

That makes my motor run

And my legs

too weak to stand?

Paddy!

Hey, can I cut in?

Yeah!

I go from sadness

to exhilaration

All right.

Like a robot

at your command

My hands perspire

and shake like a leaf

Oh, wow.

Up and down

goes my temperature

I summon doctors

to get some relief

But they tell me

there is no cure

No way to control it

It's totally automatic

Whenever you're around

I'm walking blindfolded

Completely automatic

All of my systems are down

Down, down, down

No way to control it

It's totally automatic

Whenever you're around

I'm walking blindfolded

Completely automatic

All of my systems are down

Down, down, down

(cheering)

We have to tell

our kids everyday

that they are beautiful,

(cheering)

that their lives do matter,

that they deserve

to be healthy,

and happy,

and safe, and loved.

(cheering)

And that's what Eddie does.

Eddie does that everyday

when he goes to work,

and that's why

I love you, Eddie.

I'm proud of you,

I'm so happy that

you found a man...

(laughter, cheering)

...and thank you for inviting

me to be part of this tonight.

Now, where are those

maids of dishonor?

(cheering)

Patrick, get your

skinny ass up here.

Okay.

(cheering)

Oh!

Okay, you beautiful boys,

here we go.

Uh, I think everybody

in this room can agree

that this, on one hand, is

the most surprising thing

in the world,

but at the same time,

it makes total sense,

am I right?

(cheering)

Love you, Paddy!

No, this isn't about me.

I'm not gonna make

this speech about me.

Never gonna happen!

Aw!

I wanna talk about Agustn.

We have been friends,

uh, for a very long time,

and there are a million

reasons why I love you,

but one of them,

one of the biggest ones,

is that you are...

ha-- always have been

incredibly committed

to making the most

of your life.

And even when you f*** up,

and we all f*** up, right?

Crowd:
Yes!

Yes, we all f*** up.

You-- you keep going

despite any sort of doubts

that you might have

and you keep trying

to find the things

that work for you,

and you-- you found Eddie.

Right?

(cheering)

And... Yes.

And it is really clear

that you two are

absolutely crazy

about each other

while at the same time--

at the same time

being incredibly realistic

about what that means

and-- and both being

really committed

to figuring out

how to make that work.

(cheering)

And I-- I...

I just think that that is...

Crowd:
Aw!

Doris:
Patrick!

Agustn:
You're cute!

...amazing! And so, before

I start openly weeping,

let's raise a cheap cocktail

to Agustn and Eddie!

(cheering)

To Eddie and Agustn!

(crowd groans)

Patrick:

That too, that too.

And now, everybody,

please welcome to the stage

my fellow maid

of dishonor, Jake!

(cheering)

Jake:

Patrick, thank you.

That was beautiful.

Excuse me.

Hey, guys.

A better speech

than last time.

Couldn't really have

been any worse, right?

No, probably not.

Yeah, I need another drink.

Will you buy me another drink?

I don't have any cash left.

Really? You don't think

you've had enough?

Oh, come on.

Come on.

Big gay wedding, right?

I want to get super drunk,

so I can forget about

how dull we've all become.

Aren't you already

super drunk?

Less of the nagging,

'50s housewife please, okay?

We aren't married.

Oh, I always thought

you'd be the wife.

You'd look so good

in an apron.

What was that?

It was just a joke.

You called him

a nagging wife and I--

You would expect

me to be the wife.

Brady.

It was just a joke,

that's all.

Is your femmephobia

a joke all of a sudden?

Brady...

What? I'm kidding.

No, it's okay, it's okay.

You can say it.

It's not it's the, uh,

first time you've ever implied

that I'm everything

that's wrong with

the gay community.

Okay, I said you

and Kevin were, not you.

Although--

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