Loosies Page #4

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- That's right.

- Oh, hmm. Yeah.

And none of this sounds fishy

to you?

- Okay, you're right.

That sounds stupid.

Just, uh...

Okay, tell them

you're visiting your aunt.

- No, wait, I already used that.

Oh, just go with

the cleaning lady, okay?

That'll work.

Just tell them

you're the cleaning lady, okay?

And if anybody asks,

you don't know me,

and you don't know where I am.

- Well, if I don't know you,

how would I know where you are?

- Exactly.

- Why don't you try

telling me the truth?

- I told you, okay?

That's my apartment.

These are my keys,

and it's my money.

Now, if I could

get the money myself,

I would, but I can't.

So, you know, if you don't

want to do it, that's fine,

but I don't have the money,

so...

(indistinct radio chatter)

- Jeez.

This place really

could use a cleaning lady.

- Did you get it?

Good job.

(telephone ringing)

Hey.

- All girls are evil.

- Not a good time, man.

I'm on the way

to do that thing.

- Oh, yeah.

Let me know

how it all comes out.

- Funny.

- Did you tell the whole world?

- How much?

- $18, please.

- Watch it, jackass.

- Hi.

My name's Lucy Atwood.

I have an appointment.

- What time?

- Right now, actually.

Thank you.

- Please fill this out.

- Okay.

Just my driver's license

and social security?

- Yes, please.

- Okay.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's the matter?

- Um...

I don't know... I don't know

if I can do this.

- Well, technically,

you don't have to do anything.

I'm the one that's gotta do.

You already did.

- No, I mean...

you know, maybe...

maybe we should wait.

- Wait?

- Yeah.

- What, you think if I go home

and take two aspirin,

it might go away?

- I'm just sayin',

you know, maybe...

- No, Bobby.

You don't get to do this, okay?

Now, I have been over this

back and forth several times

and you made it pretty clear

yesterday how you felt.

So let's just get it over with.

- I think we should wait.

- You... you think we should wait?

- Yeah.

- You think we should wait?

I think you're an a**hole.

- Ow!

What'd you do that for?

- God, I hate you.

- Stop it.

- I hate you I hate you!

Give me the money.

I'll do it myself.

We'll figure it out.

- Where'd you put it?

We'll figure it out.

Will you just calm down, please?

Would you just calm down?

- I hate you I hate you!

Just give me the money.

- Lucy, I need you to trust me

right now.

Run.

- What?

- Run.

I don't care

what you're saying

I can't go out on my own

When the daylight is fading

No, loan find my way home

Just say how you doin' '

Got you here on the phone

You look, try to see it

I can't see it at all

Don't stop

You can probably do it

Don't stop

Let me do it again

Let me do it again

Let me do it again

Let me do it again

- Come on.

- You've got to be kidding me.

- Come on.

- No.

- Taxi!

Go. Go.

- Thanks.

- Hey, Bob.

You're a little early.

I told your ma dinner,

not lunch, right?

- Well, we were... we were

in the neighborhood, so...

- Oh, well, yeah.

Come on in.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Yeah, I was actually

just going for the groceries

for your ma.

She, uh...

She gave me a list

and everything.

- My mom's not here?

I get to watch them once a week

for my daughter.

They're cute little bastards.

They're twins.

So you're Bobby's girl, huh?

- No. No.

- No.

- No?

All right, well, then I, uh...

I got to get to the store.

You... I don't know,

you want to come?

- No.

- No.

- No?

You want to stay?

- Yeah, no, we'll just wait

for my mom.

- All right.

Oh.

Gee, Bob, I'm sorry.

Look, um...

I love your mother,

and I'm very protective;

That's all.

- Me too.

Smarmy a**hole.

- Spill it.

- What?

What do you want to know?

- What do I want to know?

Uh, gee, why have we been chased

by the cops?

What kind of trouble

did you get me into?

Who's Carl?

And who the hell are you?

- Carl is my mother's

boyfriend.

She just moved in here

with him.

- Right.

And the cops?

- I don't exactly work

on Wall Street.

- Mm-hmm.

So I can rule out

insider trading.

- I'm a pickpocket.

(laughs)

- What's so funny?

- A pickpocket?

And that's why half

the New York police force

is after you?

- You heard about the cop

who got his badge picked?

- Oh, wow.

This is great.

Really.

My kid's father steals

out of old ladies' handbags.

- Hey, I never took from anybody

who looked like

they had less than me, okay?

- Oh, you're a regular

Robin Hood.

- You know, you don't know

my situation.

- Yeah, you're right.

I don't know you at all.

- What are you talking about?

I'm the same guy you met

that night at the bar,

except I have a different job

than you thought.

- Are you insane?

That's not a job, Bobby.

You steal.

- Okay, don't do that.

Don't... don't judge me.

My father left me with 500 grand

in gambling debts

and a mother who didn't work.

I had no choice.

- Why didn't you just

go to the cops?

- Because he threatened

to kill my mother.

- Why do you steal now?

- I still owe him about 100K.

- Oh.

- Oh, come on,

what... what are you doing?

- I'm taking the money.

I'm not bringing a kid

into this world

so they can go visit

their father

at the state pen

during Christmas.

Where'd you put it?

- It's in the jacket.

- No, it's not.

- What are you talking about?

- It's not in here.

- What did you do with it?

Did you lose it?

- What do you mean,

did I lose it?

It was in your jacket.

You took it, remember?

- I didn't take it.

You grabbed my arms

and kissed me, remember?

Maybe it fell out in the cab.

Or when that guy

bumped into you or something.

(sighs)

(laughs)

Oh, that's classic.

A pickpocket who gets

pickpocketed.

Jesus.

- Reach for the sky

and empty out your pockets,

Mister.

- Too late for that.

- Bobby.

You're early.

Where's Carl?

- Store.

- Go play with your little

furry friends.

Hi.

I'm Bobby's mother, Rita.

- I'm Lucy.

- Wow.

I can't remember the last time

Bobby brought a girl home

to meet me.

- You must be...

- Leaving, Mom.

She was just leaving.

She's just a friend.

Listen, uh...

I'll... I'll come by later.

We'll talk about the thing.

- Wait, wait.

Don't be so rude.

Maybe she'd like

to stay for dinner.

I'm gonna make some lasagna.

It's Bobby's favorite.

- Mmm.

Yummy.

I'd love to.

- Yeah?

Great.

I'll go start.

Okay.

I'll help.

- You that hungry?

- I am eating for two.

- Just don't say anything

to my mother.

- Oh, now why would I want

to upset Grammie?

- Hey, Mister, do you want

to play a board game?

- No.

- A video game?

- No.

- How about cops and robbers?

- Definitely no.

- So how do you know my Bobby?

- We, um...

We have a mutual friend.

- Ah.

You know, I think Bobby

really likes you.

- What makes you say that?

- Well, he always gets

so frustrated

around girls he really likes.

It's like he doesn't want to

show them he cares about them.

You know how boys are.

Always pullin' the pigtails

of the girls they like.

- Crap?

- It's called craps.

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