Lost Boys: The Thirst Page #4

No. Vampires feed at night...

...and I don't plan on

sticking around for dinner.

Is this the VIP room?

Oh, most definitely.

- When's the party supposed to start?

- Not for a while.

You guys got here early.

Oh, are those promise rings?

- So cute.

- Is that blood on your face?

Oh! I think I just broke my coccyx.

Forget the coccyx, is the camera okay?

- Radio check.

- Check.

- Check.

- Check.

All right. Once inside,

our main objective is to extract Peter.

Killing vampires is our second priority.

All right, everybody...

...let's rock 'n' roll.

Heads up.

Hey, did you name your new gun yet?

Shh.

What?

Did you name your new gun yet?

What are you talking about?

All guns need a name.

Like boats.

Boats are for sailors...

...guns are for soldiers.

I'm no sailor.

- Lars.

- What?

I'm getting a really bad feeling about this.

Ugh. What, you mean being deep within

the earth beneath a thousand tons of rock?

Are you feeling "Claus-trophobic"?

Get it? "Claus-trophobic"?

That's not funny.

I'm serious, man, look around you.

This sh*t's freaking me out.

Jeepers.

All right, here's the deal.

We're gonna go to the left,

you guys go to the right.

Zoe, you're with me.

Lars and Claus, do whatever it is you do.

We'll reconvene back on the beach...

...maybe.

You know,

I kind of hate the fact we split up.

People in horror movies always split up

and they always get killed.

There's nothing to worry about, Claus.

Don't you get it?

This is all some stupid role-playing game.

All we're gonna find is some little emo goth

kids with fake fangs and contact lenses.

You think this is a game?

Of course I think it's a game. Why else

would the Toad give me a water pistol?

Besides, my fans are tired of seeing me

tackle every natural predator on the planet.

Now, we need to give them

something new to watch.

But if you're right...

...you're gonna be beating up a bunch

of kids with fake fangs and contact lenses.

I know.

Isn't it great?

This is the entrance

to the slaughterhouse.

Time for Mr. Frog's wild ride.

Ow.

Claus, we gotta find a place

to do my intro.

Oh, yeah.

This is perfect.

Okay.

Using my tracking ability,

we've located the nest of the vampires...

...deep within

this abandoned slaughterhouse.

It's also haunted...

...by cannibal pirates.

It's built on an

ancient Indian burial ground...

...where they used to burn witches.

Oh.

A promise ring.

Virgins.

Vampire filet mignon.

Ugh. What kind of f***ed up sh*t is this?

Are you Peter?

Please, help me.

Dude. Turn around, let's go.

- What?

- It's too early to find him.

We gotta find him

at the end of the episode.

I haven't even had the chance

to put the beat-down on any goths yet.

- But he's right here.

- Dude, turn around.

Sorry, Peter. Let's go.

What the f***?

Where are you bastards going?

Something smells really bad in here.

It's a slaughterhouse.

I don't mean the typical

bad slaughterhouse dead meat smell...

...I mean I smell something...

- It smells like rotting garbage.

Trash.

Yeah, like I said. Rotting garbage.

No.

I mean Jonny Trash.

Jeez Louise.

Jeez Louise? Really?

Zoe, get down!

- You hear that?

- What?

I think it's coming from down there.

What are you doing?

Lars.

Lars.

Dude, where's my gear?

You left it up...

Oh, sh*t.

What?

Oh, okay.

Is this it?

I've been waiting 300 years

for a good fight.

Have you had enough, punk?

Nice outfit.

That's funny...

...that's exactly what I was thinking.

But I still have to kill you.

I'm surprised.

By what?

You're really not that good.

- Aah!

- Edgar!

Zoe. I got this.

Ah, sh*t! Damn bullets!

See, now that's what happens

when you don't name your gun.

Just pull out the sword!

- On three.

- Okay.

Three.

What happened to one and two?

Edgar? Edgar? Oh, God.

Lars, what's your 20?

- It's not Lars, it's Claus.

- Claus, where's Lars?

He's dead.

Lars is dead.

We're so completely and totally f***ed.

Claus, calm down. Just breathe.

We have to get Edgar out of here

before reinforcements arrive.

- Oh, my God. Zoe, what happened?

- Just help us lay him down.

Claus, first-aid kit.

Hang in there.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Hold this.

Edgar, stay with me.

Notice anything unusual

about Santa Carla yet?

No, it's a pretty cool place...

...if you're a Martian.

Or a vampire.

Are you guys sniffing old newsprint

or something?

You think you know what's

happening around here, don't you?

Well, I'll tell you something.

You don't know sh*t, buddy.

Yeah. You think we just work

in a comic-book store for our folks, huh?

Actually, I thought it was a bakery.

This is just our cover.

We're dedicated to a higher purpose.

We're fighters for truth...

...justice...

...and the American way.

Edgar.

- Edgar.

- What?

- What happened to me?

- You're okay.

Did we get him? Did we get Peter?

Claus found him,

but they ran into some trouble.

They had him tied

to some twisted table kind of thing...

...pumping him full of drugs,

trying to keep him sedated.

Where's your boss? Von Geek?

Some big-ass, massive juggernaut

of a vampire got him.

Tore his heart right out of his chest.

Got it on tape, though.

I'd like to see that

when you get a chance.

- He'd like that.

- Thanks.

Gwen...

...it's gonna be okay.

We'll get him.

It's not over yet.

Payback's a b*tch.

Damn straight. Let's go.

Rave! Rave!

It's starting.

All right, come on.

Hey!

Hey, there.

Do you wanna party?

And now,

the man you've been waiting for, DJ X!

Are you ready for a sacrifice?

Blood, blood, blood!

Blood, blood, blood!

Blood, blood, blood!

Hold up.

Oh, my God. There he is.

If they get through that fence,

we're so undeniably f***ed.

The sooner we take out X,

the sooner that won't be a problem.

Okay, but what about Peter?

All right, listen up, everyone.

I want you all to hold back.

I've only got one shot at this.

I'm gonna immobilize X

and then we go in for the kill.

Everybody, stay put. Got it?

- Got it.

- Good.

Put on something nasty, X.

I think I found someone

I wanna dance with.

He dropped it. I'm going in.

Zoe, wait.

Get in here and help me. Come on.

That is exactly

how I'm going to break your neck.

Vinyl still shreds.

Very creative, Frog.

But when it comes to killing...

...I prefer more traditional methods...

...like impalement.

Claus, cover us!

Sh*t. Sh*t.

You fought admirably.

But you were doomed to fail

from the start.

I've fought beside great warriors...

...learned battle techniques...

...that can only be mastered

over several lifetimes.

And do you know

what the first rule of combat is?

Yeah, don't monologue.

There's a lot of vampires down here.

Guys, I can't hold them off forever.

F*** me. F*** me!

Edgar!

Nice work. I've got it.

You're right. Impalement is good.

Especially when you pierce the heart.

Peter.

All right, everybody, listen up.

The party's officially over.

You don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here.

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