Lost in a Harem

Somewhere in the mystic distance...

...at the edge

of a mighty imaginary ocean...

...there is a teeming mythical city...

...Port Inferno.

Strange plots are hatched here...

...which will affect the lives

and destinies...

...of two strange persons.

Ormulu. I must speak with the fair one.

- Have you arranged it?

- I can do nothing.

She is as cold as the planet

which bears her name.

You'll try again.

Take these two pieces of gold.

Before the cock crows,

you must bring us together.

I can get a diamond solitaire

That's easy as pie

If I want to travel

I can get the fare

'Cause I know a guy

I can get a mink

With just a wink

Or even less

And I can dig

Gold but big

And I dig it with finesse

I can get a penthouse anyplace

Complete with a view

I can even get as far as second base

With Frank Sinatra too

And I can bet

A horse and get

Ten thousand back for two

But for goodness' sake

What does it take?

What does it take to get you?

I can put a dervish in a whirl

'Cause I have my ins

I can get to be his favorite pinup girl

'Cause I got the pins

I can get the Maharajah jewels

Without a cent

And just like that

Hang my hat

In the sultan's private tent

I can get a camel caravan

'Cause I know

'Cause I know a sheik

All I have to do to get a man

Is pinch him on the cheek

And I would bet that I can get

A Taj Mahal or two

But for goodness' sake

What does it take?

What does it take to get you?

- Who is it?

- Mr. Ormulu.

- Come in.

- Miss Moon, come on, come on.

The sons of the desert

demand an encore.

Mr. Ormulu, please. I simply can't

go out there till you put out that wolf.

Wolf? There must be some mistake.

In the Cafe of All Nations

we do not serve animals.

Maybe that's right,

but there's one out there now.

All during my number,

he just sat there and stared at me...

...like I was a porterhouse steak

and he had a fork and a knife.

He made me so nervous

I could hardly sing.

So now I should throw out

cash customers.

I tell you who I'm throwing out.

Those worthless friends of yours.

That Peter Johnson

and that Harvey Garvey.

When our show was stranded in this terrible

place they lent me money, helped me.

Give them another chance.

I will strike a bargain with you.

They shall have one more chance...

...if you will only speak with the ardent one

who comes nightly to gaze upon you.

Very well. He may speak to me.

After the boys do their act.

Excellent. Excellent.

Worthy patrons, due to circumstances

over which I have no control...

...it is my misfortune to present to you...

...those two international artists...

...Garvey and Johnson.

Look at my curtains.

- Where'd the people go?

- Out here.

- Where are they?

- Out here.

All right, pull yourself together.

The table.

This is a little trick...

A little trick that I picked up in my tra...

Over here. Over here.

A little trick that I picked up

in my travels.

It... Now here we have

just an ordinary little silver cup.

- That's silver?

- Nothing... Yes.

- Silver?

- Nothing in it.

- Let me see.

- It's silver.

- That's tin.

- Don't say tin.

- You know that's silver.

- No, it ain't.

- I say it's silver.

- Oh, we're lying to those people.

- Quiet! Silver, friends.

- That's tin.

I say it's silver.

- That's funny-looking silver.

- That's what it is.

That's what I bought and paid for.

- Well, you got tin.

- Don't say tin!

- I know what you got. That's...

- Never mind. When I say silver, I mean it.

- And when I say...

- Don't say that. Just don't say it.

- I ain't gonna say it.

- Say what?

- That word.

- What word?

- Word you want me to say.

- What?

- I ain't gonna say it.

- Don't.

If you think I'm going to say it...

All right.

All right, never mind that.

You thought

I was gonna say tin.

- Don't say tin.

- I said it. So what?

- Quiet.

- All right.

- Now, we'll place the little...

- Silver.

- Silver cover.

- Tin.

- What's the matter?

- Tin.

Pardon me.

I see, yes. All right.

Indigestion. Yeah.

We place the little silver cover

over the bottle, like that.

We go over...

Pardon me, get out of the way.

We come over here and we place

the cover over the little glass.

Now we just say a few words in magic.

- And over here, we now have the little glass.

- That's good.

And over here, we now have

the bottle.

Oh, that's a good trick.

Ain't it a good trick, everybody?

- Thank you.

- Can you make the bottle go from here...

...back over there

and the glass there?

You mean to transfer the glass

from over there over to there...

...and the little bottle

from there to over there?

Yeah. Make the...

Over there...

All right, all right, all right.

Please.

It's very simple. All you have to do

is cover up the little glass thusly.

Now we go...

Will you get out of the way, please?

We come over here

and we cover up the... with the...

- Silver.

- Silver cover. We cover up the little bottle.

Now we go over here

and we say a few words in magic.

What's the matter with you?

- Put on the lights.

- There you are. Stand still.

- Okay.

- And over here...

Over here we now have

the little bottle.

And over here... Over here,

we now have the little glass.

- I thank you, friends.

- That's a good trick.

- Now...

- Hey...

You see, friends, it's all done

with this little silver cover.

If there's anyone who

would like to examine it...

- There you are.

- Bottle. Bottle.

Take a look at it.

Examine it carefully.

It's all...

- Quiet, quiet, quiet.

- Bottle.

Just look on the inside.

It's all made out of silver.

There we are, my friend.

- Now...

- Hey...

- My next trick...

- Never mind the next trick, brother.

- What's the matter?

- Make a bottle over there.

- Oh, we just got through doing that. Now...

- Make a bottle over there!

Make a bottle on that table!

Just a minute.

You mean to do the same trick again?

- I don't care about this table over here.

- All right, all right.

- Make a bottle over there!

- Do you folks want to see it done again?

- Yes, sir!

- All right.

- Put on the lights.

- Will you stand still?

- And keep them on.

- All we do is cover up the bottle thusly.

And over here, remember, friends...

...all we have is a little glass.

- That's all you'll find.

- Leave that to me.

- And so will I.

We'll just say a few wor...

Quiet! We'll just say a few words

in magic.

Did you...?

- Did you see it go over?

- No, I didn't even feel a breeze.

Well, over here, we now

have a little glass.

- Make a bottle over there.

- And over here...

Over here, we now have.

We...

- Over here...

- Go ahead. Make a bottle.

Quiet. Over here, we now...

We...

- Over here...

- Make a bottle over there.

Over here, we now have a bottle.

Now look what you've done.

Get out. Get out.

I'll meet you in the back.

Wake up. Hey, listen.

Come on.

- What time is it?

- It's time to get out.

I think I started another riot.

- Quick.

- All right. All right. Come on.

- What does all this mean?

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