Lost in America Page #4

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PAUL:

David, that's enough.

DAVID:

No. I haven't even started yet.

Now listen, let's say a giant

mistake was made. Pretend none of

this was ever said. I'm the vice

president. Everything will be

fine. I'll stay here. I'll work

on Ford. I'll move into my new

house. You and Brad can come

over for drinks. And now, let's

bring out Allen Funt and everybody

will yell, "Surprise," right?

I'm vice president, right?

PAUL:

David, the position is filled.

DAVID:

Well, then you can go f*** yourself!

BRAD:

(gets up)

Paul, I can't work with this man.

PAUL:

I can't either. David, you're fired.

DAVID:

Fired! How dare you? I can't believe

this! You want to know something?

I was nervous about coming in here

today. I said to my friends, "Maybe

I won't get this." You know what

everyone of them said? "Stop it.

You're being stupid. You're the

best man. There's no one else.

You're the best man." And what does

the best man do? He stands next to

the groom and watches the groom

become vice president!

PAUL:

I can see you're upset. I'll forget

what you said earlier. I don't think

you want to jeopardize eight years

with this company.

DAVID:

F*** you!

PAUL:

That's it. Get out.

DAVID:

I wasted my youth for you and

for what? What do you mean

jeopardize eight years? What

eight years? All I did was live

for the future. Why didn't you

tell me a long time ago that I

was too clever? You should have

told me five years ago, then I

could've gone somewhere else.

PAUL:

I didn't know it five years ago.

DAVID:

Don't say anything else. I'll

kill you.

PAUL:

(presses a buzzer)

Get me security, please.

DAVID:

Oh, I can't believe it. Security.

Okay, listen to me. I want my

eight years back! Give me my

life back! I want my eight years

back! Give them to me!

Paul stares at him. Brad gets up.

BRAD:

I'm going back to the hotel. David,

you're making a big mistake.

DAVID:

You don't even know me, you

baldheaded fart!

Brad stares at him and then walks out. He turns back to

Paul.

DAVID:

(continuing)

I can't believe that I almost

wasted my entire life here!

I've been waiting very, very

patiently and I realize now what

would've happened. This would've

gone on for years and years and

years and when I was seventy, I

would've gotten a watch. Actually

you wouldn't even have given me a

watch. You would've told me I was

too clever, that I would instinctively

know the time. You know something,

Paul? I made fun of my friends who

dropped out of college and went to

"find themselves." I told them they

were stupid. I laughed at them.

And what did I do? I went with

you. Good choice, wasn't it? What

did I get for doing that? A transfer.

I could've gotten that from a bus.

You're a human bus, Jesus Christ!

You liar! I don't know where those

drop-outs are today, but I've got

to find them! I owe them a big

apology. 'Cause let me tell you

something. They have more integrity

on their little tab of acid than

you have in your entire body, you

big f***ing jerk!

A security guard enters.

PAUL:

(stands up)

Would you escort Mr. Howard out,

please?

DAVID:

He doesn't have to escort me out.

I'm honored to leave.

David opens the office door. He begins to yell so

everyone can hear him. This is reminiscent of the

scene from "Network."

DAVID:

(continuing)

Before I leave, I think it's very

important for everyone in this

company to know what went on in

here today.

I don't know how many lunches you've

all had with that man and I don't

know what he's said over salad or

dessert or whatever he buys you,

but you better not believe it!

He's a real smoothie! He'll tell

you about the stepping stones!

That's his favorite expression.

He'll tell you about the stepping

stones and where they lead. Well,

I found out where they lead! To

a baldheaded fat man in New York!

Get out! Get out now! Smell the

roses! Smell anything! Just smell!

Smell before it's too late!!

The office is applauding wildly. We HOLD on them for

a second.

CUT TO:

11BEVERLY HILLS ROBINSON'S DEPT. STORE - DAY

David's car enters the parking lot at high speed. The

car screeches to a halt. He jumps out.

CUT TO:

12INT. ROBINSON'S MAIN FLOOR

David walks hurriedly towards the elevators oblivious

to the others.

CUT TO:

13INT. J.W. ROBINSON'S - DAY

David is walking towards the personnel office. We've

never seen him like this before. He's alive. He's got

more than bounce in his step. It's as if he weighs 12

pounds. He's on another planet. He's smiling at every-

body. He has the look of a "Re-born." As he enters

the personnel department, he sees Nancy in her office.

Because Nancy's office is separated from the others by

a thin piece of glass, if you speak too loudly everyone

can hear. David is not about to lower his voice. He

has no concept anymore of volume. He's just too excited.

David bursts in.

DAVID:

Nancy!

Nancy looks up.

NANCY:

God, you scared me.

DAVID:

Nancy, come here.

(he pulls her up

by her shoulders)

Quit. Quit, right now. We're

getting out.

NANCY:

What?

DAVID:

Now. Quit.

NANCY:

Quit?

DAVID:

Now. Come on. I did. Now, you

do it.

NANCY:

You did? You quit your job?

DAVID:

Surprised, aren't you? You wouldn't

have believed me. You would've loved

it. No more me. No more waiting.

No more responsible David. Jesus,

they were leading me down a dead-end

street! I've been on the wrong road.

I realize what you meant. I've been

too responsible. So responsible, God!

I've been responsibly blind!

NANCY:

I never would've used the word

responsible if I thought you would

have taken it so literally. It was

just a word. I really didn't mean

anything by it.

DAVID:

Stop. Don't do this. Don't. I'm

giving you the credit. You did mean

it and you were right.

I don't know where the hell I've

been for the last ten years. What

happened to me? I lost the feeling

of life. Jesus, I was being jacked

off. Nancy, they were just jacking

me off!

David's voice is a bit loud. We can see people look from

other offices.

NANCY:

Honey, shh.

(whispering)

A little lower, please?

DAVID:

(whispering)

Okay. They were jacking me off.

(his voice starts

to rise again)

They were leading me down this road.

You know, this road?

NANCY:

What road?

DAVID:

The road to nowhere. You know the

road. The Nowhere Road. I was

being tugged along with this carrot.

"Come here. Come here. Come here."

But no one told me it was a f***ing

cul-de-sac! We've been on the

wrong road.

NANCY:

Who was made vice president?

DAVID:

(laughing it off)

Oh, Nancy, that's all over now.

That's kid's stuff.

(in a childlike voice)

Vice President. Class Secretary.

Cloakroom Monitor. Treasurer.

They're all stupid.

(regular voice)

If you really want to know who

it was, it was Phil Shubano.

NANCY:

No! Why?

DAVID:

We'll never know. The Lord works

in mysterious ways, but if there

is a God, you know what will happen

to Phil? He'll get his profit

sharing and he'll buy a boat with it

and he'll crash the boat and die.

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