Lost in the Woods: The Movie

Feet off the seat.

You see, Joe?

It's absolutely beautiful here.

What type of trees are those?

They look like they're the same

as the one that was in our yard.

Don't you think?

Mind the paint, dear.

- Hello.

- Heather?

We didn't see you there.

I'm sorry.

I'm Miss Traverse, headmistress.

Welcome to the Academy.

Heather is so excited to be here.

This is much nicer

than the boarding school I went to.

We're rather isolated here...

...so we try and supply the students

with plenty of stimulation.

Academic and otherwise.

Do you like athletics, Heather?

You look as though you might.

Oh, Heather needs to concentrate

on her studies...

...before she can worry about

playing games.

This way, please.

It's been over a century

since the Academy...

...was originally founded

as a one-room schoolhouse.

We've grown quite nicely since then.

In fact, all of the teachers

were once students at the school.

Miss Leland,

this is Dr. and Mrs. Fasulo.

You must be Heather.

Heather, would you like to join me?

We like to have a short interview

with each new student as she arrives.

Just so we know what sort of

young lady we're dealing with.

Miss Leland will sit down with you

to discuss tuition.

Follow me, Heather.

So you enjoy setting fires.

According to my papers,

the whole house almost went up...

...as a result of some sort of

disagreement with your mother.

This is not a school

for wayward girls, Heather.

This is not a juvenile hall.

We have a great tradition of graduating

only the finest young ladies.

So no fires?

Your mother has inquired

about financial aid.

Apparently, your father is not as well off

as he presents himself.

We do offer scholarships for students

we consider particularly gifted.

Has anyone ever thought

you might be?

Complete this within the time limit,

and we'll go from there.

So how did we do?

Don't let your nails

get out of control.

Miss Mackinaw?

Take care of this young lady,

won't you?

Are you hungry?

You must drink your milk, girls.

Where's Ann Whales been?

You didn't hear? It was really bloody.

You'll have to pull your socks up.

Otherwise, it's a uniform demerit.

And then what? A spanking?

I'm Marcy Turner.

Heather.

You take the scholarship test?

Apparently, my father isn't as well off

as he presents himself.

Who is?

Hi, Marcy.

How are you?

- I'm well.

- Wow, that's super.

Have you all met Heather?

Hi there.

So you're Marcy's new friend?

Sure.

That's super keen.

Hey...

Samantha.

- Samantha.

- Yes, Heather?

Do me a favor:
Point those torpedoes

south and start walking.

I'm trying to eat.

A bad girl.

Hey, is your pubic hair red, too?

Guess there's only one way

to find out:

Marcy,

does Heather have red pubes?

Is she a fire-crotch?

I'm kidding. Friends?

Oops.

Sorry about that.

- Good night, ladies.

- Good night, Miss Mackinaw.

Good night, Miss Mackinaw.

Good night, Miss Mackinaw.

Good night, everyone.

Good night, Mary.

Good night, Lena.

Heather.

Free us.

Release us.

This is my bed.

It's a nice bed.

Someone else

will have to sleep here.

Why are there twigs in my hair?

What?

- Hey, wait up.

- Okay, well hurry up...

...we can't be late again.

- All right.

Hey, whose bed is that?

Ann Whales.

She's in the hospital now.

She had an accident.

What happened?

Tried to kill herself in chemistry class.

Couple weeks ago.

There was blood all over the place.

Let's go, ladies.

Have a good day.

Say it.

Say it.

"I'm a fire-crotch."

- What?

- "I am a fire-crotch."

How many football players

put it in you...

...before your mom got sick of having

another tramp around the house?

Nice one.

If you know what's good for you, you'll

run away and never, ever come back.

Got it, fire-crotch?

Miss Fasulo,

you are 20 minutes late.

Sorry.

You are disrupting

the other students' ability to learn.

- Sorry.

- More than three minutes tardy...

...equals a truancy.

Go to Miss Traverse's office

and inform her of your infraction.

- Come on.

- Don't you dare talk back to me!

You get out of my sight!

Get out of my class immediately!

And that's a demerit

for your un-tucked blouse.

Do not go to the headmistress' office

without tucking in your...

Don't tuck it in here!

What kind of a low-class so-and-so

reaches her hands into...

Go to the ladies' room,

and then go to Miss Traverse's office.

I was hoping you'd be here more than a

few days before being sent to see me.

I'm disappointed, Heather.

You know, you're right.

I'm just not up to the standards

of this fine institution.

Better let me call my parents.

Tell them to come get me.

Here.

- Yes?

- Mom?

Heather, I wasn't expecting

to hear from you.

It's just wonderful about the

scholarship, dear.

I told all the other ladies.

No, Mom. I... I faked it. It was...

Look, can I just talk to Dad?

Your father is entertaining

company, dear.

- Listen to me...

- Mrs. Richards...

... will you mind the carpet.

It's brand new.

I'm sorry that I got into trouble

all the time.

Oh, hi, Dorothy.

And that I fought with you.

- And the fire.

- I had to pull a lot of strings...

...to get you into that school.

- Mom, I...

...I promise that I won't embarrass you

anymore, okay?

You think I sent you...

Heather, I am your mother.

Oh, for heaven's sake. I have to go.

Mrs. Richards just spilled that drink.

Mom, I just wanna come home.

I miss my friends.

Heather, sweetheart...

... you don't have any friends.

Now, you listen to me:

You stop being such a weakling...

... and you work hard

and you make me proud.

I'll excuse the truancy.

You may return to class.

You shouldn't go into the woods.

It's not safe.

It's not so bad here.

Better than living at home.

Home would be fine

if my mom was dead.

You shouldn't say things like that.

Here.

We can listen together...

...if you want.

You first heard her

at the ripe age of 17...

... with her number-one hit

"It's My Party," here's Lesley Gore.

- Marcy.

- Jeez.

- Marcy looked like she was gonna cry.

- Sorry.

- Come on, Samantha. We're ready.

- Ready?

- Here!

- Barbecue, it's you!

- Come on, Heather.

- Shut up, Jen. It's okay, Heather.

- Come on, Heather. Heather.

- Come on, Heather, get the ball, Heather.

Quit standing around

and bring back the ball.

- What are you doing?

- Bring the ball!

Set us free.

Help us.

Has anyone heard what's happened

to Ann Whales?

I haven't heard anything.

Is she still in the hospital?

You know, Marcy, you could be sitting

on a dead girl's bed.

Ann's not dead.

- Well, how do you know, Marcy?

- She probably killed her.

- Yeah, and you're next.

- Shut up, fire-crotch.

Can we get back

to the photosynthesis?

- Maybe it was Clara Thompson.

- Oh, God.

- Who's this?

- A stupid story they tell all the freshmen.

Don't go into the woods at night

or blah, blah, blah.

The story goes all the way back

to the old days.

- Tracy peed her pants when she heard it.

- Oh, shut up.

Clara Thompson and her sisters

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