Lost Islands Page #2

Neta was the daughter

of Israel's ambassador to Iran.

They returned to Israel

just before Khomeini's revolution.

She had perfume called "Poison"

that no one else knew.

Her shirts were from Benetton,

and her jeans were Levi's.

We all fell in love with her.

It wasn't only me

and Grandma and Opher.

It was everybody.

I was sure she would

fall for Opher instantly.

Have you talked to her?

I know everything about her.

Did you call her?

I'll call her

as soon as they get a line.

The current waiting period

for a line is about 12 years.

Go talk to her!

Spread this chocolate on her.

What would I say?

- Anything will do.

Tell her, "You are so beautiful that

you make butterflies feel awkward."

You are such an idiot

it's embarrassing.

If we were in a plane, only your

oxygen mask would drop.

"You are so beautiful that you make

butterflies feel awkward."

Stop it. - What are you doing,

you butterfly?

Hi.

I'm Neta.

What's your name?

- What?

What is your name?

- Boaz, my name is Boaz.

But my friends call me Grandma.

- Okay, Grandma.

I went to an American school.

I don't understand

anything here.

So I thought that maybe I could

borrow your notebook.

No problem. That's fine.

I'll give it to you

in the next break. - Great.

Thank you, Grandma.

- You're welcome, Neta.

Erez, I need your notebook.

Opher, I need your condoms.

Because Grandma is

going to f***.

Grandma, I told you

she's going to be my wife.

Opher, At my

current level of horniness

I would sleep with your sister

and your wife in the same bed.

I've had such a long dry spell

that sometimes when I masturbate

I fantasize about other times

I've masturbated.

Really. Look, here's Ms. Melikson.

I have a hard on.

Good Morning, Ms. Melikson.

Grandma had been our best friend

since we were seven years old.

He would steal his father's

porn film every Friday evening.

He always made us laugh.

But I always thought

he was the saddest guy in the world.

When I grow up

I'll make movies.

Porn?

- Not porn, you idiot.

What do you know about

filmmaking?

My brother will

make excellent movies.

He's good at bullshitting.

At least I am not full of sh*t.

What's the matter?

What's going on, Dad?

- You tell me.

What did I do?

- Did you take the tape?

No, I didn't.

- You're a pervert!

Dad, Dad.

- You're a pervert.

Dad, stop it.

If it's your film,

why am I the pervert?

You're a loser.

I'm not a loser, Dad.

You won't

even be a street cleaner.

I'll be a race car driver.

I'll drive in Formula One.

It's your film,

so how come I'm the loser, Dad?

Dad, what are you doing?

Taking Layka to the same place

I took your bicycle.

Two years earlier,

Grandma's Dad took his bicycle

and threw it into the river.

I saw your math notebook.

It's filled with

drawings of naked girls.

Dad, please.

Layka, Layka!

Layka!

That was the last time

we saw Layka.

You never liked

walking that dog anyway.

Shut up!

- What?

Didn't you see

how his father spoke to him?

Who cares

what his father thinks?

Next year he'll be a soldier.

That dog was the only one

I could count on in my family.

That very day,

Grandma decided to take revenge.

And he did it

in the best way possible.

He went to his fathers stash

and fulfilled his dream.

He had always wanted

to drive a Mercedes.

Yes! Yes!

All right!

Hey, what do you say?!

Grandma's wheels.

It looks like a refrigerator.

- Where did you get the money?

Start it up.

- Later.

Come on, start it.

Later.

You have to push to start it.

So, what do you think?

Do you know that the commando

can hide in an ordinary street?

They can?

- Yeah, sure.

A commando could be standing behind

that electricity box right now.

Why are you

going to a combat unit?

Now there's

a peace treaty with Egypt.

Begin and Sharon

will never give Sinai back.

They're both nuts,

just like our mother.

And then we'll die

before we f***. Shame.

Let's get a whore

and share her and get it over with.

I'm not a virgin, Grandma.

- I don't go to whores, Grandma.

Look what I installed.

That will make her strip.

I'd screw her in a second.

Here she is.

Look at her.

She is really hot.

Her father is probably trying

to convince her to take some money.

He's saying, "Neta, take

some money, buy yourself a dress."

And she replies,

"I don't need money.

"I need Grandma to screw me.

"I want him

to screw me right here.

Then the father says,

"No, you won't screw Grandma.

"But I want

Grandma to screw me."

"Not on the new carpet!"

- "But I want to, I must!"

She can't see us.

If we're in the shade and she's

in the sun. The reflection hides us.

How may we

help a pretty girl like you?

Since you're spying on me like

a bunch of perverts...

Just happened to pass here.

- Sure.

I need a ride.

No problem. Enter the fridge.

Thank you all.

"I want Grandma."

- "No, you won't sleep with Grandma."

Where were you planning to go?

To a movie.

- To Tel Aviv.

Make up your minds.

Grandma wanted

to screw a whore

and we thought we'd watch.

Really?

Sounds great. Shall we go?

You heard the lady.

Drive!

Say, are you a virgin?

- What?

I won't answer that question.

- Why not?

She doesn't want to label herself.

- Nice, you're learning.

Are you afraid to tell us?

- No. I'm not afraid of the truth.

I'm not a virgin, okay?

How many boys

have you been with?

I don't know.

The night is young.

Sorry.

What was it like in Iran?

Better than here?

How could it be better?

They're all Iranians.

Do you know that Iranians are...

What?

- We apologize.

The only thing slower

than Grandma's car is his brain.

It was wonderful in Iran.

The Americans brought

Broadway Shows.

What about movies?

Did you see movies?

Of course. I love movies.

Did you see "Raging Bull"?

- No, what's that?

It's about a boxer who wants to kill

his brother because of jealousy.

No, I prefer romantic films.

Boy meets girl, they fall in love

and kiss in the moonlight.

I like characters who always tell

the truth, like in the old films.

Grandma is a virgin.

That's another truth.

Grandma masturbates so much

that a genie came out

and granted him three wishes.

Are you virgins?

I don't want to label myself.

- In other words, you're a virgin.

Opher?

I've been with three girls.

And since, the night is young,

I also included

you in the count.

Grandma, isn't that your mother?

- No, she only works mornings.

You jerk!

Hello.

- Hello.

How's it going?

Did my mother send you to see

how I am? Keep moving.

How much for a ride?

Ask her for a discount.

- Is there a discount for soldiers?

Do I look like the army canteen?

Do you accept checks?

Go!

- You f*ggot! If I'd wanted a dick,

I would have jerked off myself!

This is really not a good time

to stop.

Grandma,

an ugly man-whore is on his way.

Grandma, It's not his fault. He

was born a woman in a man's body.

That man

is as mad as a woman.

You wanted a dick,

and you're gonna get one.

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