Lottery Ticket Page #4

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-Whatever.

-My job is to sleep in.

-Damn.

Damn, she's fine.

-You wish you'd get a girl like that.

-Finer than you.

Yeah, good luck. Ha, ha.

This is the same white dude

poking holes in your condoms.

-Give me a second, l'll be right back.

-Excuse me, fellas.

Don't steal nothing.

Slow the beat down and feel it like that

Hey, man. Let me talk to you

real quick, all right?

-What?

Talk to me through this window?

Get your ass over there.

-What's the difference?

-l don't know, let's go.

-Look, man, quick question.

-Mm.

Right, say it's the person,

whoever wins the ticket.

-They come here to claim it.

-Right.

How does that work?

You write a check for the whole amount?

Okay, so you saying that

l got $370 million in here.

That's.... l don't have that.

l can write you a check for $600...

...and then you gotta take the Mondo

Millions ticket to the lottery district office.

Where's that? Upstate?

No, it's downtown.

It's where l get all the tickets from.

Downtown. Come on.

Fix your dreads.

Yeah.

You need to steal some Tic Tacs.

Kevin.

Let me ask you a question.

Why you acting all suspicious and whatnot?

Me? What? l'm not acting suspicious.

l'm just excited.

Beep, beep, beep. What?

What are you talking about?

Oh, man.

''Violence Erupts in Downtown.''

-No.

-That's great.

Nosy.

-Oh, shi

-Shut up.

Sit down. See?

That's why l didn't

l'm sorry, ma'am.

l'm sorry, sir.

lf l move my hands off your mouth,

will you be quiet?

-You won't say a word?

-Mm.

Give me that.

Man.

-Act normal, sit up.

-You act normal. You sit up.

-Don't be telling me what to do.

-Don't tell me what to do.

Kevin.

-What?

If this is real, right?

-Right.

Do you know who you are?

-Right. l know.

You like the Moses of the projects.

-Look, no more WIC cards.

Right.

You could take Grandma to Vegas.

-Vegas.

Buy her a castle.

-Castle.

You could take your girl to Venus

and still have money left over.

Look, the sooner l turn the ticket in,

the safer l'm gonna feel.

lt's on. Come on.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Let's get this money.

l can really smell the money.

-What's up, man?

-My man?

-Ahem.

-Quit mopping for one second.

-This is the lottery district office, right?

-Mm-hm.

-Cool.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.

Where everybody at?

Everybody at lunch?

Yeah. Where?

-Closed.

-Closed?

-Closed.

-What you mean?

-What you talking about?

For the Fourth of July.

Be open again Tuesday, 9 a.m.

-Tues?

-l hate Fourth of July.

Man, that's three whole days.

Know how much sh*t can happen

in three days?

Let's just think about this.

Me, you and your grandma

are the only ones who know.

lf they knew back home,

you'd have already been shot.

-Am l right?

-Yeah, but

You're making this sound real easy

right now.

Come on, Kevin.

You tell me, what can go wrong?

Oh, happy day

Drop it like it's hot for Jesus!

Oh, happy day

-Oh, happy day

l dropped it like it was hot! Ha, ha, ha.

Jesus Christ

l'm sorry.

-What was that? You scared me.

l'm sorry.

l didn't mean to startle you.

l just was walking by,

l heard all the noise.

-What's all the celebrating about?

-No, no celebrating.

l ain't seen you this happy since you

found out shrimp went to 2.99 a pound.

What you doing? Having a fish fry?

No.

l don't smell nothing. What's going on?

-What you got?

-l can't say nothing.

-What's that behind your back?

-l can't say nothing.

-Come on, you can tell me. You can tell me.

-No.

Come on, come on.

You know, most of the drug dealers,

like the big ones, sh*t, the bosses...

...they weigh they money.

-Because they can't count it.

-l heard about that. Right.

Man. Somebody stole from them,

they'd know.

-''They tried to steal my money!''

-Stop, stop, stop.

You gonna be a boss, son.

-Stop. Damn.

-Oh, my gosh.

l wonder, does Oprah weigh her money?

-Kevin, where everybody at?

-Good question.

Hey, little man, where everybody at?

Oh, you don't know.

-Let's spring to my crib real quick.

-Yeah.

-Whoa.

-There he is. There he is right there.

-Grandma?

l'm here, baby.

Get out the way! Move out the way!

Y'all move away from here!

Grandma. What's up?

You called everybody?

l ain't called nobody.

l ain't called nobody.

Semaj, he come over here. Then he goes out

and come backs with all these people.

Hey, come on, Kev, let's go

to the strip club. Make it rain!

-l just wanna touch it. l just wanna touch it.

-Touch what?

You ain't gonna touch sh*t.

l know your daddy. He still owe me

money from a craps game in '89.

-You gotta help pay

-My medical insurance.

Damn your medical insurance.

Yo, Kevin, l got an investment idea

that can't miss.

Two words, man:
massage toilet.

Now, all l need is the money.

Go!

Come on!

Come on! Go, go, go!

Come on!

Sh*t!

All right, your crib! Come on!

Kevin!

Come on, my window,

my window, my window!

Come on. Go, go!

Where'd he go?

Kevin!

Dude. Ain't no way.

Ain't no way l'm making it

to Tuesday, dog. Uh-uh.

Damn.

Kevin. Get up. l got a plan.

This here is what we call

the underground railroad, Kevin.

Many slaves have used this to escape.

We can escape, Kevin.

We can get out the 'hood, right?

We go through Indiana,

go through Michigan.

Harriet Tubman did it.

We follow the North Star.

-No.

-Then we sing Negro spirituals.

l always wanted to sing Negro spirituals.

Let me live my dream.

We leak that, right?

Turn it into a mix tape, right?

A mix tape of Negro spirituals. Let's go!

No.

What's wrong with you?

Man, get off the floor.

The money's in my head.

-Three hundred-seventy million.

-Just listen.

Listen!

Look, all we need is something simple.

That's it, something simple.

We'll just pretend like

the ticket's a fake, then.

Ticket's a fake!

That's it. That's it.

-You could say you made it up.

-Right.

-Hell, yeah. They already think you a snitch.

-Yes!

They'll think you a snitch and a liar.

Stick to the plan.

The ticket is fake, okay?

Remember when Steve Harvey had hair?

It was what? Fake.

Kim Kardashian's ass is what?

-Fake. Everything, fake.

-There we go.

Kevin!

Back up. Back up. Everybody back up.

Back up, little mama.

That go for you too, James.

My name is Semaj. ''Back up''?

Nigga, your name James.

Just because you spell it backwards

don't make it different. It's James.

Better move your hair-cutting ass back.

-No problem, bro.

-And that go for everybody else out here.

Y'all better start showing this man

some respect...

...and quit running around

acting like wild-ass animals.

Thank you.

-Like the way l handled that?

We was thinking that you need,

like, a entourage, yo.

Hell, yeah.

Hey, Kev, anything you want, man.

-Hey, you ever seen my little sister lately?

-No.

-Nigga, she real cute and l hear she a freak.

-Ho.

Hey, Tanisha! Operation Lay Down

With a Millionaire is in effect.

Everybody listen!

Hevin! Hevin! Hevin!

-Wait, wait, wait.

-We love you, Kevin.

l wanna have your baby.

l been trying to get you pregnant

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