Love, Wedding, Marriage

[Soft marimba music]

- Ava, we've been dating

for 21/2 years,

and what I'm about to say,

I've considered very seriously.

I sound like a lawyer.

I look in your eyes,

and I drown in them.

Drown in them?

Babe, you know I'm bad

with telling you how I feel.

Will you be my wife?

Will you marry me?

Can we get married?

Ava.

You can do this.

[Sighs]

It's, like, the little things

that I really love.

I find it so adorable

that you can't make

a decision

without consulting

your horoscope.

I love that you watch the same

sad movie over and over again,

hoping for a happy ending.

I love how you make

your coffee.

I love you, Ava, and I don't

want to spend another day

without knowing

if you'll be my wife.

So will you do me this honor?

Will you marry me?

- Brittany, Brittany,

this is Ryan.

Trust me,

you two have a lot in common.

Good to see you.

Where is Ava?

Go find your sister.

- All rise.

- Our wedding day was

the happiest day of my life.

I was marrying

the man of my dreams,

and our happily ever after

was about to begin.

Charlie and I met

once upon a time,

when I was getting my PhD

in psychology at Berkeley

and he was working

at a vineyard in Napa.

We fell in love

on the very first date.

He took me to an art fair

in San Francisco.

The next day, he surprised me

with a painting I had admired,

and I was hooked.

I believe lasting love

is possible

because of my parents.

Their 30-year union

is the reason I became

a marriage counselor

and why I was ready to make

the commitment myself.

[Glass shatters]

- Mazel tov!

[Applause]

And that dimpled smile

doesn't hurt.

- So embarrassing.

Thank you.

[Old-timey jazz music playing]

[Children laughing]

I love you both.

I love you both.

I've known him my whole life,

and I still love you.

I can't even say that

about anyone else,

like, not even my own parents.

- Okay, we love you too,

Gerber.

- No, love, man.

Love.

That's what it's all about.

You know, from now on,

I'm gonna be

a one-woman guy.

- Per week?

- I'm serious.

Uh, hello?

We didn't actually...

- There he goes.

- Shelby, are you, like,

avoiding me?

Come on, we were in the middle

of talking about horses.

I love horses.

- You ready to get out of here,

Mrs. Dalton?

- I should warn you:

I've been saving a few tricks

for the honeymoon.

- Let's go.

- Okay.

[Excited chatter]

Ready?

- Yeah!

Oh!

Oh, you got smoked.

In your face.

You got rocked.

[Serene instrumental music]

[children laughing]

- Black.

Two sugars.

- Two orders,

wheat toast with mayo.

Yum.

- The only way to eat toast.

- Your horoscope says,

"Today your positive

mental energy

"will ensure that everything

goes your way.

Take advantage

of your good luck. "

- That's great.

Maybe that means

this year's harvest

will be the vineyard's

best vintage ever.

- Fingers crossed.

- How about

you skip out early,

take advantage of me tonight?

- Oh, I could cancel

my last couple.

- I'll reschedule

my afternoon.

- See you at 6:
00.

Let's take a minute

to validate those feelings.

It sounds like Lloyd

is feeling angry

because Courtney took advantage

of his credit card.

- She didn't take advantage

of it.

She raped it.

At Saks.

She roofied it,

bent it over, and...

- Okay.

Courtney raped your credit card.

And Courtney is still angry

because you slept

with another woman.

- "A slutty, trashy whore"

were my exact words.

- Obviously Courtney still

has some unresolved issues

about the affair.

- But 9 grand on shoes?

- Why should I suffer

just because you're not rich

like my father?

- If your father's so great,

why didn't you marry him?

- He wasn't available.

- I want you to think back

to when you first met.

What attracted you

to one another?

And I want you to make a list

of all of the qualities

that made you want

to get married.

The key to a successful marriage

is to find those qualities

that make you fall in love

with your spouse

all over again

every day.

- Oh, I know they're here

somewhere.

Where are they?

Ugh.

- Shelby, what are you doing?

- Where do you keep

all your stuff?

- What stuff?

- The meds!

- I'm a psychologist,

not a psychiatrist.

I can't prescribe meds.

- Jesus, Ava.

That's the only reason

I took this job.

- I'm not even sure

they've invented a drug

to begin tackling your issues.

- Don't judge my pain.

You're my sister.

Can't you at least

refer me to someone?

- If I referred you

to a psychiatrist,

they'd have you committed.

- Would there be meds involved?

- And a straightjacket.

Did you mail out

those invitations for me?

- For Mom and Dad's

surprise party?

- Yes.

- I got the guest list

right here.

- Thank you.

[Man and woman

arguing indistinctly]

Glad that's not my next client.

[Scoffs]

- Darlings.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What was all the yelling about?

- Just your mother's

normal kvetching.

- Oh, would you stop

talking like that?

This isn't a production

of Fiddler On The Roof.

- Would you just relax

and stop acting like

some kind of meshuggener

in front of our daughters?

- What does that even mean?

Jesus!

- Jewish.

- Okay, can we just take this

into my office, please?

Right into my office.

Thank you.

Come on.

All right.

Bradley, Betty,

why don't you calmly express

what's upsetting you?

- Well, I didn't want to have

to tell you this, Ava...

- No, Betty.

Don't tell her.

It'll break her heart.

- I want a divorce.

- What?

- Both of you...

everyone, take a seat.

Ooh, everybody calm down

and take a breath.

Okay.

Betty, what triggered

this decision?

- Your sack-of-sh*t father

cheated on me.

- We were separated.

We were separated at the time.

- Yeah, but he still managed

to knock me up.

Did we conceive Shelby

before or after your affair?

- Oh, my God.

Dad, explain.

- You were about three years old

when we were relocated to London

for my job,

and I was working overtime.

It was hardly a recipe

for a happy marriage,

so we decided to separate...

- Which for your father

meant doing it

with the first woman

he could find...

a minor detail he waited

25 years to tell me.

- Okay, I hear you.

I understand.

You feel betrayed,

and I'm not minimizing

what happened 25 years ago,

but is it really worth

throwing away

a long and happy marriage?

- What makes you think

that I've been happy?

- Well, of course we're happy.

- Well, of course you're happy.

I've spent the best part

of my life

catering to your adulterous ass.

Now it's my turn.

I want to feel sexy.

I want to...

I want to have adventures.

- Okay.

Okay, Betty.

We're making some progress.

I want you both

to close your eyes,

take a deep breath,

and let's try and reconnect

with some of those feelings

you had

when you first decided

to get married.

- Ava, this Berkeley bullshit

isn't gonna work on me.

- Mom!

- Look, I'm sorry, darling,

but I'm not gonna take

marital advice

from my 28-year-old

newlywed daughter.

- I'm a professional.

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