Love, Wedding, Marriage Page #2

- And you're

a hopeless romantic.

You've been watching

Gone With The Wind

every Thanksgiving

for the last 25 years.

- It's a very long weekend.

- And I would give it up, honey.

Rhett Butler's

never gonna stick around.

- But they were

at cross-purposes.

- You know, the point is that

I am the voice of experience.

I have done 30 years

of hard marriage,

30 years of lies

and deceit,

and in all that time,

you've never once

put the toilet roll

back on the dispenser.

- And after 30 years, you'd

think she'd give it up, huh?

- Bradley, you can have

that bathroom all to yourself,

because I am moving in

with Shelby.

- Ava, you can't let Mom

move in with me.

- Okay, Mom, let's pause

and assess the situation.

We don't have to make

any permanent decisions today.

- Good-bye, Bradley.

Have a nice life.

- I refuse to live with Mom,

Ava.

- Okay, we have much bigger

problems here, Shelby.

- Yeah, like a 30th anniversary

party for a divorced couple.

[Gentle instrumental music]

[door clicks open]

- Hey, babe.

It's 6:
00.

Time for our date.

I promise I'll hook up the dryer

this week, okay?

- I don't care.

- What's up?

- Today was probably

the worst day of my life,

and that's not an exaggeration.

- What happened?

- My dad had an affair.

- What?

- Before Shelby was born,

but my mom just found out,

and now she wants a divorce.

- That was 25 years ago.

- They were still married,

Charlie.

Oh...

They were so happy.

- So what are you gonna do?

- Technically I'm not supposed

to treat them

because we're family.

- So don't tell them

you're counseling them.

Do it without them knowing.

- Yeah, I could help them

surreptitiously.

- Where you going?

- To see my mom.

- Now?

What about our 6:00 date?

- The first 24 hours

of a separation

are critical, Charlie.

[Door clicks shut]

[Touch-tones beeping]

[Line rings]

- Hello?

- Hey, Shel. It's me.

- Oh, my God.

You got to get up here.

She's driving me crazy.

[Door buzzes]

Welcome to hell.

- Ava, shouldn't you be home

basking in your

newly wedded bliss?

- Mom, are you sure moving out

is the best solution?

- Well, I certainly can't live

in the same house

as my ex-husband.

Shelby, we need to move

the couch to the window.

- Uh, I like it where it is.

- No, you don't.

- You can't possibly be

considering getting a divorce

after all these years.

- This is between me

and your father.

- Little help, please!

- Okay, I completely encourage

your personal development, Mom,

but you can take time to work on

yourself and still be married.

- Well, it hasn't worked for me

so far.

Maybe it's time

I made myself happy.

- Are you really upset

about an old affair,

or are you just using that

as an excuse to leave?

- Ava, be my daughter,

not my therapist.

- I'm just trying

to understand the situation.

- It's complicated.

Why don't you ask your father

these questions?

- I'm going to,

but I really think you and Dad

would benefit from going to see

a counselor,

and I can recommend

someone great.

- I'm not really sure

I believe in therapy.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, not you, honey.

I thought your therapy today

was wonderful.

- Therapy can be really helpful.

I still go see my therapist

once a month for maintenance.

- [Sighs]

Well, I'll go.

If it'll make you happy.

- I thought it was time

to make yourself happy.

- I'm afraid that's all the time

we have for today.

It's really important for me

to get to know more

about both of you,

so I'm gonna need you

to fill out

these premarital

compatibility tests.

- Tests?

- More like questionnaires.

Don't worry. There are no

right or wrong answers.

Just be honest.

- Do we answer them

individually?

- Yes, and then I'll compare

your answers

to see how compatible you are.

So, Amy, you can stay in here,

and, John, why don't you

follow me out to reception?

- Okay.

See you.

- Thank you.

- Infidelity is one way

to discover if you still

really love your spouse.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

- Please tell me that was not

a prospective client.

- No.

They changed their mind.

And what the hell

is an angry pirate, anyway?

- Shelby.

- Back off.

- Give me my patient folders.

Give me...

- [laughing]

- I'm all right.

- Uh...

- They're confidential.

- Party pooper.

- I am locking

the filing cabinet.

Have you talked to Dad?

I've been trying him

all afternoon.

I can't get ahold of him.

- You think he cashed in

his chips?

- Where do you come up

with this stuff?

- I was an unwanted child, okay?

I have issues.

And besides,

his wife of 30 years

just left him.

- I'm gonna run by the house

and check on him.

Will you collect their tests

when they're done?

- Sure.

I'll meet you there.

Wait.

Ava.

Mom and Dad, they're gonna

work it out, right?

- Of course.

It's only natural for marriages

to go through ups and downs.

- Okay, I just... I can't imagine

them not together.

- Don't worry.

Once they get into therapy,

they'll fall in love

all over again.

Trust me.

[Playful instrumental music]

- You put B for number 20?

- Yeah, she said there were

no right or wrong answers.

- I'd go with C.

- But she said to be honest.

- Do you want to get married

or not?

[soft mischievous music]

- Dad?

Dad, are you here?

Dad?

Dad?

[Screams]

I know Tae Bo!

- It's okay.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Don't worry, sweetheart.

It's just the deli delivery boy.

- Matzo ball soup.

I'll just put it

in the kitchen.

- You scared me.

- My apologies.

- Why are you in the dark?

- It's the Sabbath.

- So this isn't

a sign of depression?

- Well, I'll just head out,

then.

- Yeah.

Yeah, thank you,

deli delivery boy

from the local deli.

- I was so worried.

I called you all afternoon.

- I'm sorry, hon.

You know,

in the Orthodox tradition,

we're not allowed

to answer the phone.

- Ugh.

Would you knock it off?

You've never been

this Jewish before.

- I've always been Jewish.

- You've never been religious.

You were always the first dad

on the block

to go out and buy

a Christmas tree.

- Well, I wanted to be

a perfect father to you girls.

I still do.

You don't really need me

anymore.

You got Charlie.

And being Jewish is the only

thing that feels familiar.

- Sometimes change

can be positive.

You and Mom could use this time

to improve your relationship.

- I just want things

the way they were.

- I think you're using

your spirituality

to avoid dealing

with the fact that Mom left.

- Are you analyzing me, Ava?

- No, no.

I'm just suggesting

maybe you do something

to make Mom want to come back.

- Well, I'm her husband.

This is her home.

That should be enough.

- I want a pony!

- What?

- Well, if you're not gonna act

your age, neither am I.

- Glad to know you're alive.

- Hi, Shel.

- Who was the hottie?

- Nobody.

- Just the local

deli delivery guy.

Oh, maybe Dad

could hook you up.

- Ooh, I could go for some

of those matzo balls.

- Shelby.

- Touchy.

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