Love, Wedding, Marriage Page #9

Rabbi Stevens' son.

And this is my daughter Shelby.

- Hi, Jeremiah,

Rabbi Stevens' son.

- Nice to meet you.

- Have a seat.

- Thank you.

- I think you may find you have

quite a few things in common.

- So you're Jewish.

Wait a minute.

My dad told me about you.

Aren't you

the wandering degenerate?

- And aren't you

the sponging sister?

- It's "slutty sponging sister,"

if you don't mind.

- No, actually,

I don't mind at all.

- [Laughing]

[Spirited piano music]

- I'm so sorry, Charlie.

- Before you start apologizing,

I have some things to say.

Okay?

About eight weeks ago,

you promised to love me

in sickness, in health,

and all that other stuff.

Remember?

Well, I have some amendments

to those vows.

Do you promise to fall in love

with me every day,

even when we fight?

- Yes.

- Will you swear

to have sex with me

at least twice a week,

sometimes twice a day

when the mood strikes?

- Oh, yes.

- And finally,

do you accept the fact

that I'll probably never, ever

in the next 50 years

remember to put a new

toilet roll on the dispenser?

- [Laughing]

I do.

- Let's go back.

Let's show these people

that we know how to make

a marriage work.

- No.

- No?

- A marriage isn't official

until it's been consummated.

- I knew there was a reason

why I married you.

[baby cooing]

Who's the most beautiful baby

in the whole wide world?

- Look at Mommy.

[Brassy jazz music]

- # How lucky can one guy be #

# I kissed her

and she kissed me #

# Like the fella once said #

# "Ain't that a kick

in the head" #

- Oh, and just so you know...

Ah!

- I'm a big boy.

Didn't use to be.

- Focus.

And action.

[Laughter]

- # My life

is gonna be beautiful #

# I've sunshine enough

to spread #

# It's just like

the fella said #

- Are you wearing a yarmulke?

- Yeah, you like it?

I had to dig around

in the basement to find it.

I haven't worn one

since I was a kid.

- Nice.

Very... Jewish.

- Well, that's the look

I was going for.

- Physical contact

make you uncomfortable?

- No, I just don't hug

strangers,

most particularly,

men I don't know.

- He's more comfortable

sleeping with women

he's just met.

- It's "slutty sponging sister,"

if you don't mind.

- No, actually,

I don't mind at all.

- [Laughs]

Sorry.

- All right, cut.

- Did we get it?

- What the hell?

Oop.

- # If this is just

the beginning #

# My life

is gonna be beautiful #

# She's telling me

we'll be wed #

# She's picked out

a king-size bed #

# I couldn't feel any better #

# Or I'd be sick #

# Tell me quick #

# Oh, ain't love a kick #

# Tell me quick #

# Ain't love a kick #

# In the head #

[music stops]

[Gentle violin picking]

[lively orchestral music]

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