Love Affair Page #4

Look...

If one of us doesn't show...

...we won't pester each other, okay?

No phone calls, no contact.

All or nothing.

We'll never speak again.

All right. If you're not there,

I'll understand.

If you're not,

I'll understand.

I'll be there.

Do you like kids?

Yeah.

- Terry!

- What?

I like watching you move.

Good.

I like watching you move.

You go first.

Okay.

- Here he comes.

- There he is, let's go.

Make sure we get both of them.

Let's set a wedding date right now.

Over here!

Lynn, give us a date.

- How about another kiss?

- Give us a commitment, Mike!

A little closer together.

Terry! Terry, over here.

Lynn, is it true you're part of

a group trying to buy NBC?

Lynn, when will you give Mike

his own show?

Will Mike be on your April special?

Charlie, get the bags.

Okay, let's get out of here.

Get back to me

about the Dallas affiliate problem.

Great.

How was your trip?

Trip...

We have to talk about that?

- Mr. Edwards is on the phone.

- Thank you.

Hello?

Not interested.

Next?

I don't need another bank.

I've got banks falling over each

other to get in on this deal.

If they're that eager...

...and they want to

have lunch with me, I'll listen.

What else?

No, tell Hong IKong they can wait.

Just tell them they can wait.

We've got enough for three months,

six months.

Miss MclKay?

Miss MclKay, may I have the key

to your bags?

Annie, don't unpack.

What? If you wanted limousines...

...you should've stayed with Lynn.

That'll go in the back.

You bring gas money?

Oh, okay.

Now I got it.

All I was asking for was a reason.

You changed your mind.

- We don't need to talk about it.

- Good.

That's what Campbell's soups are:

Lou, can you take something

from the 5th take...

...and combine it with something

from the 16th take?

That's what Campbell's soups are:

Good job.

That's what Campbell's soups are:

- Ed was good.

- Ed was great.

That's a wrap, ladies.

Terry, can I speak to you

for a second?

- Are you coming?

- See you later.

Ed was great.

- Dinner at his place?

- A weekend in the country.

- The Hamptons?

- The Vineyard.

Did you say yes?

No.

What do you do for money

when you're not singing about soup?

- Good question.

- I have an idea if you're interested.

We're persona non grata at

Weaver Productions. So what?

If you're meant to be with Lynn,

you'll end up with Lynn.

I'm with you on this.

Let's let nature take its course.

- You want to call her?

- No.

I was joking anyway.

It's Sheldon, your accountant!

What a surprise.

What are the chances of that?

- How you doing?

- It's been a while.

I haven't seen you since '89

when we got audited.

Uncle Sam said we couldn't deduct

a $60,000 Porsche as an office.

I told him it had a phone.

It's perfect

that you came by because...

...we were just discussing some big

career changes for Mike.

Maybe this would be a good time

to review his financial status.

TV not working out?

The Lynn thing is not going great.

What's the next move?

I'm not sure.

You have a pretty healthy nut here.

You got the leases on the houses,

the lease on the car.

Restaurant bills. Did you ever

consider eating at home?

What do I have in reserve?

I'm not sure what you mean

by "reserve. "

I've had some good years.

Yes, but that was before me, Mike.

Remember the fried chicken?

We lost a bundle.

That was great chicken.

If any chicken

had a chance of taking off...

You've never been

an aggressive saver.

That was never important to you.

What happens if I...

- If I, like, simplified my life?

- Give up Call Waiting?

Get rid of the guy who takes care of

your house while you're on the road?

Get rid of me? You can do

your own taxes, pay your own bills.

When did you last write a check?

You don't even know

what a stamp costs.

Good. Very subtle.

Would you give us a few minutes?

I don't know what a stamp costs.

Who needs to know that? You go to

the post office and ask for one.

They don't ask, "How much is it?"

- Twenty-nine cents.

- Twenty-nine? When did that happen?

- What is the deal with you?

- I want to simplify my life.

When it comes to my life. But you

have a great life. I love your life.

It's my life, right?

I want to wake up

and be excited about what I do.

What makes you happy?

What do you want?

I don't know.

Something to do with the game.

- Paint.

- Paint.

I don't like what I've been doing.

After a while, you forget.

- What do you forget?

- What it's like to love something.

Really?

I'm gonna set up a physical

for you, if that's all right.

I never felt better in my life.

Blue urban barn jacket?

Single dad, doctor.

Father-IKnows-Best vest?

Single dad, real estate.

Single dad, lawyer.

You don't care.

I know.

- I do.

- It's 10:
00.

Everybody, come to the middle!

Say hello to someone new.

This is her first day.

Remember yours?

Say hello to Terry!

You're in. Let's go.

Hey! Don't you get a

special nostalgic rush...

...every time you eat at Chasen's?

First it's Ron and Nancy, then...

Two more bowls of borscht.

Want some?

Give me a couple more bowls.

I could eat 100 of those.

Then it's Sid Caesar,

next day you see...

I have something to tell you.

Hold it.

I got something more important.

Willie Mays, 1954.

You know what this is worth?

Neither do I.

It's probably gone up $10

since we've been here.

These guys get hundreds of dollars

just to sign a baseball.

They put Ernie Banks in a room

with 10,000 baseballs...

...and let him go

until his hand cramps.

- You want me to sign footballs?

- That's not what I meant.

But it's not a bad idea.

Your autograph

would sell like hotcakes.

I'm talking about something bigger.

Listen, this is huge.

Home Shopping Network.

You're not following me.

I've talked to them. They'd

give you a piece of the real estate.

Five percent on

every card, every ball...

...every jockstrap that you sell.

You'd have fun. Talk to

Mickey Mantle one day, then...

...Nellie Fox, Johnny Unitas.

Nellie Fox is dead. He had cancer.

I know that.

I wasn't talking about Nellie Fox,

the Nellie Fox.

I was using that as a generic.

You're not getting the point.

- I ordered two.

- I thought you were joking.

You'll know when I'm joking.

Sorry, I'll bring another.

Would you buy a jock from this man?

Look, that is not the average.

I took a coaching job today.

I took a coaching job.

Great.

A coaching job?

- Where?

- Hillsboro State Teachers College.

Boy, I'm not familiar

with that institution.

It's in western Pennsylvania

between Erie...

...and Loretto Federal Penitentiary.

Good place.

God, what has happened to you?

Then he starts with the DNA.

He says it's

the basic structure of life.

It exists only to replicate itself.

True.

Which it does in a woman

every 9 months, but in a man...

...it could replicate itself

millions of times a day.

He's trying to tell me

DNA forces men...

...to screw around more than women.

It forces them!

A guy dumb enough to tell me he'll

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