Love and a .45

Any similarities

to real people or events

is purely coincidental.

The Crime Channel.

All crime all the time.

Excuse me, son.

Where do you keep the anti-acids?

That aisle, right-hand side.

Third shelf from the bottom.

That'll be $3.72.

Aren't you a little young

to be working the night shift...

...hombre?

I lied about my age.

How old are you, son?

Fourteen.

Shouldn't you be doin'

your homework

for school or something?

Don't go.

Just sittin' around reading

"Girls and Guns"

and smokin' marijuana in the

walk-in freezer,

and dreaming about p*ssy, huh?

How'd you know?

Been there.

Sometimes I watch TV.

Oh, yeah?

What do you watch?

Them reality kind of shows.

Like, people get killed

and stuff.

Tell me, son...

you plannin' on selling

cigarettes for the rest of your life?

I haven't really thought

about it.

I guess you might have noticed

that 45 laying on the counter.

Yeah. I was kinda wondering

about that.

Think you can grab it...

faster than me?

Yeah.

Well...

That's pretty damn good,

small fry.

I want you to give me all that

money out of the cash register.

Well...

what about my gun?

It ain't loaded.

Well...

Yeah, that's right.

After you put the money

in that smiley face bag...

hand me that night drop, too.

We ain't got no night drop.

You must think I'm a lot

stupider than I look, hombre...

'cause I know that night drop

turns over at exactly 1:35 a.m.

If you're thinking that armored

car's gonna be pulling up soon,

and you might be privy

to a hellacious gun fight

where yours truly just might

buy the proverbial farm...

you're dead wrong.

'Cause right about now,

the driver of the said vehicle

will be pulling over

to the side of the road

to help a beautiful young lady,

in roadway distress.

Hi.

My goodness, mister,

I'm so glad you stopped.

I was starting to get a little

scared being out here all alone.

With hardly anything on

to protect me from the elements.

- Uh-huh.

- Ohh, wow!

Wow!

Look at all those tools.

I bet you have yourself

a ripe 'ol time.

Handcuffs...

I just love handcuffs.

- Really?

- Um-hmm.

Hey, can I play with them?

Come on.

Just for a little while.

It might be fun,

don't you think?

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, thanks.

Wow!

Boy, that's some mighty

hard steel, isn't it?

Mmm-mmm.

Oh, it's so...

Wow. Look at you.

Such a big, big strong man.

Oh, baby.

Come to daddy!

- Oh, baby.

- My cuffs... anything you want.

My goodness, aren't you a live one.

Gee wiz...

You know what?

Baby, I just don't think

I know you well enough

to be sharing your saliva.

Whoo!

So, he'll be unzipping

his pants...

and wanking his hooter

right about now,

and have a right fine story

to tell the boys at the bar...

and I won't be having

no trouble with the police.

Right on time.

That sound's pure music

to my ears.

Gosh, mister...

you sure know your

convenience stores.

It's my business to know

convenience stores.

- Yes.

- Okay, squirt...

fill up the rest of that smiley

bag and I'll be on my way.

Hey uh...

how much money you figure's

in this here bag?

Uh, right about

five-hundred dollars.

What's this?

Ten percent of the gross.

Don't spend it all on dope.

Thanks.

Hey, man...

you forgot your gun.

It's yours, kid.

Get your ass out of the rat race.

That's right, son...

you got yourself a real

occupation.

Man, why are you giving me

this gun?

Well, when I was your age...

someone did the same for me.

I was a lot like you, and...

he was a lot like me.

Just returnin' the favor.

I got two pieces of advice

for you, small fry...

never believe a word

anyone says...

and never rob a store

with a loaded gun.

Never!

Yes, sir.

That way no one gets hurt.

People ask me why

I chose a life outside the law.

They say,

"Watty Watts you're a smart man.

Why do you feel you gotta hold up

every two bit convenience store,

between Dallas and Tyler?"

And I say to them...

"You ever think to ask

Merle Haggard or Loretta Lynn

why they sing country?"

"You ever wonder why Morrison

became a rock star?"

Hell no.

Things just happen.

You see, I'm an artist.

Whether it's cooking breakfast

or ripping off convenience stores,

I'm an artist.

Disabysmal.

Through repetition of danger,

we become accustomed to it.

Difficulty at the beginning.

To find one's place

in the infinity of being,

one must be able to both

separate and to unite.

You see if you want something in life,

you gotta be able to

go out there and take it.

Nobody's gonna

hand it to you on a plate.

When I was a young boy...

my granddaddy, who had been

a professional bounty hunter,

he said to me, "Watty only

two things you need in life

to get by on this planet.

Love and a 45."

Well howdy, young lady.

What is a fine looking

young woman such as yourself

doing on one these dangerous,

deserted, back country Texas roads?

Hey, baby.

Did you get us some

grocery money?

I just might have.

Perhaps you'd like to join me

in my chariot

for a little romp

in the moonlight?

Perhaps I would.

Her name is Starlene Cheatham.

I'm Watty Watts.

We specialize in risk management.

Stop that Watty Watts.

You better quit it

or I'm gonna whip your behind.

Hey, that felt kinda good.

You know what?

I was just thinking of something.

Oh yeah, what were you thinking?

I was thinking how today's

gonna be the day.

What day is that?

The day you make

an honest woman out of me.

Where's that damn ring?

Come on, Star. You've been saying

that everyday since you were fifteen.

There ain't gonna be no ring today.

Mm-hmm.

I know today's gonna be the day.

Yes.

I think I'm gonna have

to tickle you

till you ask me

the big question.

And if that doesn't work...

I'm gonna hold that gun

up to your head...

till you ask me what I like.

Wait.

- Huh?

- Did you hear that?

I don't want to hear it, baby.

Listen.

Wait who is that?

Go see who that is.

Oh sh*t.

Okay.

Rain down on the bugs.

Come on, little bugs.

- Creepy, You pissin' again?

- Drink it up.

Well, if it ain't my favorite

two homicidal maniacs...

Creepy Cody and Dinosaur Bob.

How you boys doin'?

Watty Watts.

I hope we didn't wake you

too early this fine morning.

Yeah, we been partying

all night.

Yeah, I see you boys are lookin'

proper and prim this morning.

Man, we've been

in a different time zone.

For us it's four 'o clock

in the afternoon.

Well, it ain't four o'clock

in the afternoon for me, boys.

We didn't think so, Watty.

What ya doin' to my tomatoes, man?

- He's watering 'em.

- I eat those tomatoes, a**holes.

Well, we stopped by to remind

you today is payday.

Why don't you two speed freaks

get lost?

I haven't eatin'

my breakfast yet.

You know, I hate breakfast.

It makes me want to puke.

You just...

Go on back to...

Whatever it was you were doing.

Oh...

How's that p*ssy?

I don't think I caught your

meaning there, Bob.

As least for your sake

I hope I didn't.

Watty...

Hey, we just came by

to remind you that today,

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