Love Happens Page #2

Who knows?

Your drinks, gentlemen.

Thank you.

It's a long way

from booking you gigs

writing columns

for Psychology Today, huh?

I'll get you a Learjet.

You like Learjets?

Lane.

Come on. You know

that's not why I wrote it.

You do know that you're

helping people, right, man?

This is your moment.

You have to give yourself

permission to enjoy it, brother.

Come on, man.

Live a little.

Yeah.

What?

You're right.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Hi. Do you remember me?

From the hallway upstairs?

You dropped your pen.

Um...

Would you like to

have a cup of coffee?

Ah.

Right. Um...

Well, we could bring him along

if you want. Double your pleasure.

I'm sorry.

I... I... You...

See you, Ricky.

Later, Eloise.

Hey, baby. What's this?

Delivery.

Wow. I was in the neighborhood,

so I figured

I'd bring you lunch

'cause I knew you'd

be working so hard.

Wow, you didn't

have to do that.

Polished up,

ready to go.

Hey, Eloise.

Hi, Ian.

How's your boss

treating you today?

Oh, he's all right.

The lead singer of the Stereo

Kings trashed his Les Paul.

Look at that fretboard,

man. As good as new.

Make sure

he signs for it.

No problem.

Did you have company?

U m...

Yeah. I told you Frank and

I were working last night.

Frank wears lipstick?

Hey, listen. El, it's

not what you think.

It's business.

Totally platonic.

You know what? You

used that one last time.

No, she's got ties

to Sony. Hey!

Listen to me. You gotta

listen to me. Eloise!

I don't want to hear it.

How you

doing today?

Pretty good, thanks.

All right. Okay.

What's your name?

Alberto.

See you at workshop,

okay? Goodbye.

Mr. Ryan.

You are something.

Yes, sir.

Say, would you mind signing that

to "Donald and Shirley," please?

There you go.

Say, do you mind

if I share?

Share?

Yeah. See, there's

this fellow in his 60s

and he thinks he's just gonna, you

know, sail through his retirement.

But then one day, three

years and 13 days ago,

his daughter dies.

And the truth is he hasn't

been doing very well.

He doesn't sleep much,

and he and his wife, well...

You can understand.

But his daughter's husband,

well, he doesn't

seem to be having

any of these kinds

of problems. No.

She was crushed to death in

a car crash, but he, well...

He's making lemonade out of

lemons. Isn't that how it goes?

When are you gonna

stop lying, son?

Hypocrite.

Burke, I am so sorry.

God. The balls on him!

I'm fine.

Who does he think he is?

Her father.

Even so,

way over the line.

Forget that. You know

what? She'd be proud of you.

All right,

you're pissed off at me.

A thousand times you said no to

Seattle, but I wouldn't listen.

You gotta be

pissed off at me.

I'm fine.

Burke?

So, take a good look at them,

mister. A little preview of tonight.

I know how you love

the high heels.

I'll see you tonight at 8:00.

Standing ta!

Big kiss.

Love you.

"So, my ass don't

fit no Cosmo cover

"You think I can't be

some hot animal lover?

"You scared of my cerebral cortex?

That I'm Gloria's fish, chromosome X?

"Or maybe you're just afraid

of my battery-operated sex'

What do you think?

Hello.

There's something

wrong with that girl.

She said

she wanted to hear it.

Marty. Slam poetry,

coffee house.

My shop, work. Please.

Yes, ma'am.

Are there any

new receivables?

Just that birthday

arrangement I told you about.

Right. Great.

Marty, you did not

cauterize the stems.

Oh.

I was just about to.

You know what?

Here's what happens.

The sap pollutes the water and

then they die twice as fast.

I know, I know, I know, I

know. I'll get it. I promise.

I don't understand this. We

have roses, we have all of these.

I mean, come on. These are

flowers living out of water.

Are you all right?

Look, I just had a really... I've

had a really bad couple of days, okay?

Would you like to

talk to me about it?

No, I don't.

Because you weren't this mad the

last time I forgot to cauterize.

Tyler.

And some groupie.

Again?

Yeah.

No. No!

I know. It's crazy.

I can't believe it.

God, you know what? No, I can

believe it. I can totally believe it.

Excuse me. What does that

mean? What does that mean?

It's so clear to me.

Oh.

It means that you

manage to choose guys

that guarantee

that at some point,

we are going to be

standing here

having this same

conversation again.

And you're gonna be shocked at the

outcome of the relationship again.

But most of all,

I just hate seeing you get so

disappointed and hurt every single time.

Am I being too harsh?

Yes. No.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna...

Cauterize.

Yeah.

It was because they were

feeling pain and resentment.

I want you to re-read

Chapter 12, okay?

The cigarettes are more than just

a habit. They're a denial mechanism.

Oh.

Okay?

"Mental health

begins with..."

"Physical health." Okay.

And how you always say it's

important to remember the person,

how they lived,

not how they died?

Well, my husband loved my

oatmeal-raisin cookies so much.

So, I took his ashes and...

Meet my Stanley.

Don't those

look delicious?

I'll see you in workshop.

Oh, thank him.

...event next week

in the Junior Ballroom.

But then Julie was wondering

if we could get the side...

Excuse me. ...arrangements. Excuse...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God,

there's been a healing.

You like making

a fool of people,

pretending

to be Helen Keller?

U h, well, technically,

she was blind also, so...

Okay. Will you

excuse us for a second?

Thank you.

See, I happen to know

a thing or two about people.

You get approached a lot.

Probably have since the day you

strapped on your first training bra.

But you're smart and you're

creative and you're caring and deep.

But how come the guys only

see the package it comes in?

Sure, you're flattered, but

ultimately, ultimately, it's tiresome

because it has nothing to do

with you. You were born that way.

You can't take credit for it.

Your insides, though. That's yours.

That's what you want someone

to truly see, even a stranger.

Ergo, you fake a handicap

rather than deign to have a

conversation with a fellow human being.

You prefer sign language?

Fine.

Smooth. Real smooth.

Ha!

Excuse me.

This is the men's room.

You know what?

Excuse me.

What did you have in mind?

Some sweet,

romantic courtship

in the bar

over some warm peanuts

before we consummate our love in

the glow of Spectravision porn?

You...

God, I'm so sorry your little

ego took such a bruising.

But you know what? I bet the next

chick that you meet in the elevator

or, I don't know, the gym,

is gonna fit that bill

just fine. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Even though I bet you have a

wife who is actually stupid enough

to believe that you're the one

guy with integrity. The one guy.

Until, of course, she finds that

lipstick mark on your boxers,

and then it's

game over, pal.

And that one thing

that you held so dear,

that one thing that you loved

more than anything in the world,

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