Love on the Run Page #5

Well, Im a-

Im a writer.

How wonderful, darling.

What do you write about?

Oh, I write about people,

you know, things.

What sort of things?

Have I read them?

I want to learn

everything

you've ever written

by heart.

Well, Sally,

I might as well admit it.

What?

That Im about

to crucify myself.

But you suddenly

turned out to be

the only girl

this side of the moon.

Oh, let's skip

anything else.

Everything else.

Louis?

The 13th, 14th, or 15th?

Barney the first.

How did you get here?

I came in through

the plumbing.

Well, then you can

get out the same way.

I know all about you.

You do, huh?

Yes.

Well, listen, where is

that double-headed cobra?

Where's that python?

If you're speaking

of snakes, Mr. Barney

whatever-your-name-is,

let me tell you this-

try to seal me

in a boxcar, will he?

Lifts my clothes,

will he?

Well, let me tell

you about that.

Oh, you don't look

any sillier than usual.

And get off my bed!

You don't know about

that chimpanzee, do you?

You don't know he's

a newspaper man, do you?

Well, how'd you

like to look at

the Paris edition of

the New York chronicle

and see

that dirty snake.

Running true to form,

aren't you?

Well, you'd better run

away and hide, little man.

It's open season

on rodents around here.

Now listen, Parker,

I can get tough, too,

and I haven't had

my breakfast yet.

But I'm gonna

put you wise.

The panels are

of solid gold leaf.

Fashioned in

the post-renaissance era by-

who's that?

The Madame herself?

What occurs here?

What you do here?

They should

listen to me-

Sally, come on,

come on,

we gotta get

out of here!

But Mike, this horrendous

hoodlum won't leave me!

Ah, let her wallow

in some more smooch, eh?

Hello, Barney old pal, how are you?

It is forbidden

to sleep here!

Now, don't worry,

Barney,

we'll get you

out of here!

Where are my pants?

Who are all

these people?

Oh, you're a bunch

of pigeons!

Where are my clothes,

Mr. Underwear snatcher?

Hey, look! The law!

Come on! Come on!

It's the fastest

way to the street!

Follow, monsieur!

My clothes!

Hey! Come back here!

Hey!

Ahhh!

A ghost in daylight!

Hey!

It's all right,

you can come out now.

If I didn't love you

quite so much, darling,

I'd make believe

you weren't with me.

You look like a very sweet,

half-witted hillbilly.

I'm a hungry hillbilly.

There's a restaurant.

Right after breakfast,

Im going to buy the palace

of Fontainebleau just for us.

Ghosts and all.

Oh!

Bismarck!

Come on, come on.

Come on, get in here

and behave yourself.

Shhh. Don't look now,

you know who

just passed by?

Who?

King Louis the 14th

and Madame de Maintenon.

I asked you not to

take that last drink.

We'll have two

of everything.

Yes, and one copy

of the Paris edition

of the New York chronicle.

What's the matter,

darling?

Well, do I look as if there

were anything the matter?

It's all over you.

All over me is right.

Well, we who are

about to die,

salute you.

Oh no.

Oh yes.

I tried to tell

you last night.

You unbelievable,

you incredibly

unthinkable,

you sheer,

unadulterated worm!

Go ahead, I deserve it,

all the adjectives.

Sally confides

dreams to Anthony.

Why you're something

that flies out of a jar

when they

take the lid off.

Sally, I don't know

anything about that contest,

and I'll

make them kill it.

So this is your dear,

sweet mother, is it?

How do you do,

Mrs. Anthony?

Isn't that cute?

Little Michael tearing

wings off grasshoppers.

The only girl

this side of the moon,

and I believed you.

I tried to tell you last night,

but I couldn't.

You don't know what

last night meant to me.

How can I tell what

last night meant to you

until I see the next

issue of the chronicle?

Not more than 500 words,

and be sure and write on

only one side of the paper.

Mr. Anthony I'll

write on the back.

He writes on

the backs of barns.

Well, what are you

waiting for?

There must be a cable

office around here somewhere?

Aren't you afraid you'll

miss the next edition?

Taxi fare to Paris.

And, well i,

Im sorry.

No, he'll come back.

You mind if I sit down,

Ms. Parker?

Why not?

It doesn't make

any difference,

all kinds of people

have sat here.

Mike just stepped

out a second, I guess,

to find a cable, huh?

He can step out of

a balloon,

as far as Im concerned.

So, you finally read

your report card, huh?

Pretty brutal stuff,

if you ask me.

Hey, wait a minute,

you're a reporter,

aren't you, Barney?

Me? Now listen,

Ms. Parker,

if that Anthony guy's been handing

you a lot of silly stuff about me-

look.

It goes pretty hard

with one reporter

if he loses his story to

another reporter, doesn't he?

Well, yeah, I guess so-

all right, then if

you're not a reporter,

go find me one,

because he's gonna have me

for his own personal scoop.

Ms. Parker,

Im no mere reporter,

Im the best

correspondent in Europe!

You write good stories?

The best.

All the news

that's fit to print.

I don't want that kind.

You can print

anything about me.

What I eat for breakfast,

how I take a bath,

anything that'll make

Mr. Michael Anthony squirm.

Things about him,

things about me,

do you understand?

Parker, baby,

you call the shots,

and I'll pull the trigger.

Come on, reporter,

I've got work to do,

woman's work.

Waiter:
Oh, Madame,

the bacon, the coffee, the-

I don't want it,

will you pay for it,

please?

Sure.

Thank you.

Voila.

Merci, monsieur.

More backgammon?

No, thank you.

Casino? Checkers?

No casino, no checkers,

thank you.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Machiavelli.

Machiavelli who?

Machiavelli

good suit for $10.

Heh, heh, heh.

You get it?

Yes, I get it, Barney.

You got a very pretty profile, you know.

It fits into your neck like

it was made by a mechanic.

A lovely thought,

Barney.

You wouldn't like

to neck, would you?

No thanks,

do you mind?

Oh, that's all right,

I just thought...

when do you send

your first cable?

I sent it.

And Anthony,

when does he get fired?

In a day or two,

right out on his ear.

Oh, I suppose he'll get a

job with another newspaper.

Him?

He'll be blacklisted.

Through.

Wonderful.

Can he do anything else?

Nothing that won't

land him in jail.

I suppose he'll

get on relief.

He might for a few days,

but that's all.

They're fussy about

who gets relief.

I hope he gets kicked off

the bread line, too.

It's kind of strange to think

of him being down and out.

Always so sure

of himself, Anthony was.

Mmmm.

That's the way it

starts around new York.

I've seen hundreds

of them.

First they borrow

a 10-spot, then a buck,

then 25 cents for

donuts and coffee.

And then it's a shirt.

And they tell you they got

a swell job doing publicity

and you stumble over them

one night in the park,

wrapped up in

an old Sunday edition

to keep the cold out.

Oh, stop it, Barney.

Poor Michael.

Woman, thy name

is screwball.

Yeah, who is it?

Come on in.

Lunch is ready.

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