Lovelace Page #5

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- Hey.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God,

you look so beautiful.

And you look like

a poodle with a perm.

I'm kidding. You look beautiful.

- Hey, Chuck.

- Hey, Patsy.

You look older.

All right, hurry it up.

You guys want to be quick?

I got some real important people

we gotta meet up with later.

Yeah. Picked out some dresses.

They're in the changing room.

Go on.

Wow, you look stunning.

Linda, can I be honest

with you about something?

- Yeah, of course.

- I'm worried about you.

- Why? Because of the movie?

- No.

I don't care about the movie.

It's everything. It's Chuck.

It's the people you...

Don't be crazy.

What is going on?

It's Chuck, isn't it?

Just tell me so I can help you.

Please? Please?

Do you know how lucky I am?

I mean, a... a girl like me

landing a guy like Chuck?

I'm nothing without him.

Jesus, Linda, you know we're in a hurry.

Sorry.

OK.

- Hey, little toast.

- No, no. I'd like to propose a toast.

- All right, Harry.

- Oh.

To Linda, for sharing with me

the ten best minutes

of my professional career.

I heard it was the best ten seconds

of your career on the first day.

- Leave it to the broad to get honest.

- What about me?

You f***ed me. If the movie's

such a hit, where's my cut?

I told Linda we're gonna double

her salary on Deep Throat 2.

She's gonna get $2,500. How about that?

- You told Linda?

- Yeah.

Let me see the picture.

It's a full-on irregular pose.

No.

No! Chuck. Chuck, no!

Chuck, it's freezing! God!

Chuck!

It was stupid.

I spoke to Butchie Peraino

about my salary for the sequel.

I never spoke to anybody

about money after that, that's for sure.

Did Chuck control your finances?

Yes, he controlled everything.

I never saw a penny,

not even after we moved to Malibu.

Yeah, but the price break doesn't...

I get pitched

this sh*t all the time.

- It's gotta be something special.

- These really are special.

Could you make it glow?

- Huh?

- Like glow in the dark?

Yeah, that'd be groovy, right?

And it should say

"Lovelace" on the side.

I can do that.

And then Chuck Traynor

on the other side.

Why would you want

your name on the side?

It's America, man! Why wouldn't I

want my name on the side of a dildo?

You got it.

I'll send 'em out right away.

- All right. OK.

- Thanks.

Talk to you later.

All right, where'd we leave off?

Uh, part about the first time

I screwed Linda?

"Chuck pushed me back.

His fat, rock-like muscle tore into me.

- 'Oh, my God,' I said."

- What do you think?

- Sounds good.

- But you got a problem with it.

It's just that your rock-like muscle

seems to play

an inordinately large role

- in Linda's autobiography.

- "inordinately."

- How'd you get here?

- Mr. Hefner sent me.

Right. And how about the next

time I want your opinion,

I'll ask you what my cock tastes like.

"Yes, sir, boss.

Reckon it tastes like a pifia colada."

Anthony.

- Hey, Chuck.

- How you doing? Look who's here.

- Hi, Anthony.

- Look at you. Look at you.

You're like a... You're like

a regular California girl. Come here.

- I thought you were in Vegas.

- Yeah. I just came back from the pa...

- What, are you kidding me?

- It's gonna look more like her.

Come outside.

I want to show you something.

Great to see you, kid.

- Jesus.

- Gonna put freckles and sh*t on it.

Ah, Jesus.

How you been? Good to see you.

I bet you ten dollars the only thing

rock-like on that man is his brain.

You're gonna

get us into trouble.

Baby, look at us.

I think we're already in trouble.

Good afternoon. Lovelace Enterprises.

Marsha speaking.

Nice car, Chuck.

Must have cost you a few dimes.

- I know why you're here.

- I should hope so.

I need a couple more weeks.

We got the Linda Lovelace blow-up dolls.

We got all the sex toys.

Hey. You're getting, like,

five times your money back.

Man, you want a blow-up doll?

I got a couple in the house.

I don't want a f***ing blow-up doll.

I want my 25 grand.

You'll get it. You're in on

the ground floor. We got the...

We got the Playboy spread coming out.

- Mm-hm.

- She's a brand name.

She's like Betty f***ing Crocker.

No, she's Linda f***ing Lovelace.

Listen to me.

You want to pay us back,

you get her doing what she's good at.

Now, I got Deep Throat 2, 3, 4

lined up, ready to go.

Now, this is big business

we're talking about,

not some f***ing nickel-and-dime sh*t

you're talking about.

See, that's where you're wrong.

This isn't small-time.

I'm meeting this guy

at Hef's party, OK?

This guy, he owns half

the adult bookstores

on the West Coast,

millions in merchandise.

Linda, like,

sweet talks this guy, right?

Or better yet,

she sweet sucks this guy...

...we're made in the shade!

Come on. You worry too much.

We're talking about money, Chuck.

I always worry about money.

Well, what do I have to lose?

You know how sometimes...

life imitates art?

I think, um...

I think this is one of those moments.

Chuck seems

to have left with the car.

Yeah. I see he hasn't changed.

- Well, come on. I'll give you a lift.

- Really?

Hey, why don't we go someplace?

Let's grab a drink somewhere.

You don't want to?

It's probably best

just to take you home, Linda.

- I'm sorry.

- OK.

Chuck!

- Hello?

- Hi, Daddy. Did I wake you?

No. No, no, no.

We're just getting up.

It's late out there, huh?

It's Linda.

Well, who else would it be

at this time of day?

I just got home from a party.

Yeah, why am I not surprised?

No, Daddy, it was a business party.

But I met Sammy Davis, Jr.

Who's Sammy Davis, Jr.?

You know who he is.

He's that colored guy,

you know, "Mr. Bojangles."

She's right.

I know who he is, Dorothy.

I was just joshing.

Your mother, she, uh...

Every time that Johnny Carson

mentions your name,

she changes the channel.

I saw your movie.

I don't even know

who that was up there.

That's certainly not my little girl.

I had to walk out.

Was it something that we did?

I keep thinking that it has to be.

I gotta go, Daddy.

I'll tell your mother

you said you're all right.

I love you.

I'm sorry, Chuck.

I looked everywhere for you.

You lost us a movie deal tonight,

just sitting up onstage

taking bows like...

...Princess f***ing Grace.

- I'm sorry, Chuck.

- Fifty, maybe 100,000.

- To do another f*** film?

- No, Linda, it's Shakespeare.

I told them you do

a great English accent,

particularly with

a cock down your throat.

Hey. Hey! Hey!

I'm sorry, Chuck. I'm...

I'm not doing any more porn... ever.

We're going to a party. Come on.

- We just came from a party.

- Yeah.

All right, here it is.

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- Welcome to the party.

- Good to see you.

This is Mr. Shapiro.

He's a big-time Hollywood producer.

I'm a huge fan.

I've seen Throat, like, ten times.

You look like...

Let's go inside. It's cool. It's...

In fact, I'm shooting

something right now.

- It'd be perfect for you.

- All right.

Oh, is that what this...

Is this an audition?

Linda Lovelace audition?

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