Lovers and Other Strangers

Susan?

Wake up, Susan.

Mike, what is it?

- It's 3:
00 in the morning.

- I'm not getting married.

Remember what I said to you?

"If I ask you to marry me,

can I take it back?"

And you said I could, didn't you?

I'm taking it back, that's all.

Look, I don't think I could be faithful.

Whenever I walk down the street,

I want to grab every ass I see.

That's not normal.

India's overpopulated.

The suicide rate is up.

We'll all be sterilized.

The air is polluted.

Is that the kind of world

you want to get married in?

Susan, someday maybe I'll get good

and stoned...

we'll go off and we'll do it.

That way I won't feel like I'm married.

What do you say?

Give me a break, take the pressure off me.

Call off the wedding.

All right, Susan.

I've got to lay my cards on the table.

I wasn't going to tell you 'cause

I didn't want to hurt your feelings...

but there's something about you

that really bugs me.

You have very fat arms.

I tried. I really tried, Susan...

but it's getting close.

There's only three days left,

and I can't go any further.

You and Ritchie

going to pick up the tuxedos today?

You'll have to get the cufflinks

for the ushers, too.

Did I tell you I got a salad bowl

from Johnny and Wilma?

- It's from Tiffany's.

- No kidding.

Do you think he'll make the wedding?

- Who, Mike?

- No. Father Gregory.

- Mike's really uptight about the wedding.

- Not Johnny. Weddings make him sexy.

Wilma? Cool it with Dad.

What's the matter?

Don't you trust anyone over 30?

Mr. and Mrs. Henderson.

- Bernice.

- I always wanted to call you Bernice.

You should have been

at the Fitzpatrick wedding.

It was absolutely fabulous.

It was incredible.

They had a Michelangelo statue.

It was a little slave with an urn.

The champagne just simply spilled over.

It was marvelous.

A wedding like that... There you are.

Didn't I see you at Wilma's wedding?

- That's right.

- I never forget a face.

Busy, busy, busy.

I have to leave you. Help yourself.

- Everything's all right.

- Thank you.

- Look who's here.

- Here are my little girls.

- Dad.

- How are you, Susan, my sweetheart?

Hello, Wilma. How are you?

- Hi, Kathy.

- Sit down.

Wilma, a little champagne here.

I forgot. You don't drink too much, do you?

And a little for my baby. There you are.

Now, a toast to the bride.

- To the bride.

- To the bride.

Is everybody comfortable?

Look at me. I was so beautiful then.

Did I see you at Wilma's wedding?

- I'm Wilma.

- That's why you were there.

Busy, busy, busy.

I won't be too much longer.

- Is Phyllis better?

- Who?

Your roommate. Will she be well enough

to come to the wedding?

- I hope so.

- Johnny looks the same as he does now.

Big Italian lug.

Don't complain, Wilma.

At least you're married.

If Mike makes half the husband

that Johnny is...

I'll be satisfied.

He's won't go into your business.

I can tell you that right now.

Don't you worry, Susan.

He has to do his thing. I understand.

There's no gap here.

- Look who's here.

- Mike.

What a pleasant surprise, son.

Susan didn't tell us you were coming.

- I didn't know.

- You all know my brother, Ritchie?

Hi, Ritchie.

Wilma, I hear we got a great salad bowl

from you and Johnny.

- It's from Tiffany's.

- No kidding?

Sit down, Ritchie.

I need the key to the apartment back.

Mike? As long as you're both here...

why don't you and Ritchie

have lunch with us?

I'm sorry, Mr. Henderson.

We really got to split. Right, Ritchie?

- We'll be seeing you at the barbecue.

- Right.

Ritchie, we're expecting you

and your lovely wife.

So long.

- Good-bye, boys.

- Bye-bye, son.

Is Joan coming to the barbecue?

Barbecue? I don't know

if she'll make the wedding.

I love weddings.

They're such a family thing.

And when it comes down

to the real nitty-gritty...

that's all a man has. His family.

- Mike, do you want some more soup?

- No, I'm full.

- How about you, Frank? More soup?

- I don't want no more soup.

- Go ahead, Frank. It's good soup.

- All right, let me have some more soup.

Ritchie?

- Mike?

- No.

You're sure?

It's been a long time

since we all had a meal together.

- How's Nick?

- Who?

- Your roommate.

- Nick. He's fine.

Will we finally meet him at the wedding?

I promise you,

you'll see my roommate at the wedding.

A wedding is such a joyous event.

It's the joining of two people

together through thick and thin...

in a union of spiritual goodness,

forever and ever...

that only God can put asunder.

- You want some more veal, Mike?

- No, Ma.

- You want some more veal?

- I don't want no more veal.

- The butcher gave you good veal, Frank.

- Yeah, he's a good butcher.

It's not veiny.

I hate veiny veal.

So what's the story, Ritchie?

Get off his back.

Let him work out his own problems.

- Quiet. We're not talking about marriage.

- We're talking about divorce.

- If it was marriage, you could talk.

- But we're talking about divorce.

- So be quiet.

- Marriage is different from divorce.

So what's the story, Ritchie?

We're just not compatible.

- Hear that? They're not compatible.

- I heard, but I'm not listening.

Married for six years, all of a sudden

they want to be compatible.

- It's a phase.

- These stupid kids today.

Don't know what to do with themselves,

so they get a divorce for kicks.

That's what it is. Kicks.

It's 1970. It happens to a lot of couples.

There's nothing you can do about it.

- Never in our family.

- We don't believe in it.

Happens to people who don't give a damn.

Would the King and Queen of England

get a divorce?

- Don't believe in it.

- It's why they're together.

They know what'd happen to England

if they broke up.

- But our son believes in it.

- He wouldn't care what happened...

to England or anybody.

It's 1970, so he's getting a divorce.

He was such a beautiful groom.

Everybody said it was made in heaven.

His grandmother was so happy

she lived to see him marry.

Jackie next door has three kids,

and he's never even been to college.

- Mike's not getting a divorce.

- I'm not even married yet.

So what's the story, Ritchie?

I think they're hinting at something.

They want to know the story.

- Where are you going?

- Upstairs.

Sorry to split, but we're not going

to talk about marriage...

and that's the only thing I know about.

Right, we're going to talk about divorce,

about which I'm an expert.

You're the only one

who's ever come close, wise guy.

Your brother's getting married.

How can you get a divorce?

Shut up, Beatrice.

Where the hell do you think you're going?

Joan and I talked it out,

and believe me, it's better this way.

Better?

- For who? Your mother?

- Your father?

- I'll tell you who it's better for. You.

- Always you.

- Do you know what's better for you?

- You don't know.

- Only you know.

- Did you listen when I told you...

- not to marry her in the first place?

- Listen to your father.

Don't you understand?

Joan and I are just not happy together.

Hear that, Beatrice?

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