Lucky Number Slevin Page #2

FirstI Iost my job

Then I came home to find

my apartment building had been condemned

due to a hybrid breed

of Ecuadorian Super Termites

So I went to my girlfriend Kelly's

I had a key so I Iet myself in

Hey don't stop on my account.

- Oh sh*t!

Slevin.

It was an accident.

What Iike he tripped and you fell?

Slevin do you know what time it is?

I'm at the airport

are you sure you want me to come out?

Yeah two weeks in New York

and the only Kelly you'II remember

is the Kelly who gave you your first hand job

on the bus to summer camp

Kelly Perkins. Said her hands were dry

and she needed...

She said that to a Iot of guys

that's why we called her Jerkins Perkins

Just call me when you Iand all right?

- Y eah.

Y eah I just got into town Nick...

I'm on my way over to your place.

Say man you got the time?

Ya man it's uh...7:23.

So you're probably still asleep?

Yo you got a smoke?

- No I don't smoke man.

Why don't you just go ahead and give me

your wallet and I'II buy my own smokes?

Am I being mugged?

Man!

And so here I am.

You said three.

What?

- You said bad things happen in threes.

You lost your job your apartment was

condemned Kelly was cheating on you

and you got mugged - that makes four

When you're on a roll you're on a roll.

Interesting although I would add

not the ever so clever hold-up man

one hears so much about.

Well he did break my nose.

- But overlooked your suitcase.

Maybe it wouldn't make for a speedy getaway.

True but then there's the matter of your watch.

Pretty fancy.

It's a fake.

- But he didn't know that.

Maybe he didn't see it.

- He saw it. He asked you for the time.

You say this was your third mugging?

Uh...I travel a lot.

Where's Nick?

I don't know. He was supposed to

meet me here. He never showed up.

How did you get in?

- Door was open

Door was open?

- Yeah.

Open or unlocked?

- I don't remember.

You said open.

- Could have been. What was your name again?

Lindsey. I live across the hall.

Oh.

- I came over to borrow a cup of sugar.

Where's your cup?

- I came to borrow a cup of sugar.

If I had a cup I'd have come to borrow sugar.

Touche.

Maybe that's Nick It's right there.

Hello?

Hello?

They hung up.

I have an idea. Have you used the phone

since you've been here?

No except for that.

Sorry wrong number.

That was the Hotel Cheval.

What are you doing?

We know who he called. Who called him?

Columbo says three things...

- Columbo?

Yeah Columbo was this TV detecctive

I know who Columbo is. Yeah.

He looked for three things at a crime scene.

What's there now that wasn't before.

What was there before that isn't now.

And what's been moved.

- Is this a crime scene?

I think Nick'.s in trouble.

- Ah.

Sorry wrong number.

That was the Hotel Cheval again!

So what? He called the hotel

So maybe it's a clue.

A clue to what?

- A clue to what happened to Nick.

We don't know anything did.

- We don't know anything didn't

You're here he's not. The door was open.

Bad things happen where you...

Sh*t. I've got to stop by work.

Just for a couple of hours. I'll come back.

then we can start the investigation.

The investigation?

- Uh-huh. It'll be fun.

OK.

I totally forgot...

Yeah.

Sorry.

May I borrow a cup of sugar?

- What?

I never gave it much thought

until I put up a fresh pot of coffee

I was on my way to the store

and I thought Nick'.. d have sugar.

You tell me your story I leave sugarless.

I come back you put your penis on exhibition.

Although the coffee's probably gone bad

by now I insist on following through.

It's like a Norman Rockwell painting.

What my penis?

No. No the sugar.

Neighbours borrowing sugar from one another

It's very um...Andy Griffith.

Yeah.

That's Andy Griffith.

The penis thing is not very Mayberry.

No.

Thanks for the sugar...sugar.

I wanted to try and catch the next show.

I don't go on again till eight.

Whew!

It's not nearly eight o'clock yet.

The Boss wants to see you.

- Who...?

The Boss.

- Who's The Boss?

The guy we work for.

- Jesus!

Come here and sit your punk ass down.

Go.

I'm not the guy you're looking for.

I don't live here.

Well you look Iike the guy that lives here.

Then you don't know what he looks like.

He means to say you look Iike you live here.

Y eah that's what I mean to say.

I look Iike I live here but I don't.

I'm just visiting I just got in this morning.

The cat I'm looking for his name is uh...

His name is Nick man.

The cat's name is Nick Now...

Who are you?

I'm Slevin.

You got some lD?

The funny thing about that is

I got mugged this morning.

Look look.

Tell it to the One Legged Man.

So he can bump it off down the road.

Hey listen motherf***er...

- Yo I got this.

Slow slow slow slow your roll man.

- I got this.

Just let me. Just let me all right?

Motherf***er!

All I know is

and he says "Sloe" - that's him.

"Elvis" - that's me.

"Bring me the cat

who resides at this here address."

Now he told me that today.

You just so happen to be here today.

So I guess you the cat I'm supposed to pick up.

Today.

But I'm not Nick.

Yeah well unfortunately for you

you're not the first cat to tell me

you wasn't the guy I was looking for.

You can ask Lindsey she lives across the hall.

She lives here.

Hold on man I ain't asking nobody nothing.

Nick Slevin, Clark Kent...

The Virgin Mary could come waltzing up

with her fine ass

titties hanging out and everything.

If she told me your name was Jesus Christ I

still gotta take you to see The Boss. Know why?

No.

Orders.

Now you do know what orders is right?

Orders is orders

So I guess no-one ever taught you not to use

the word you're defining in the definition?

Say something else I will break..

your motherfucking nose. I ain't playing.

My nose is already broken.

Can I just say one more thing?

- What?

Can you turn the heat up in here

cos it's really cold?

Uh...yeah.

Y-You... You should have thought about that

before you started in with all the lip.

Ah Jeez.

It's cold out there.

- Let's hurry it up man.

Yo grab his ass.

The boss is right up there chump

Well listen.

Your boys Elvis and Sloe

picked up the wrong guy.

I'm not Nick Fisher.

- Mr Fisher?

Are you familiar with The Shmoo Mr Fisher?

A comic strip I liked as a boy.

The Shmoo was a loveable creature really.

Laid eggs

gave milk.

..and died of sheer ecstasy

when looked at with hunger.

The Shmoo loved to be eaten.

It could taste like any food you desire.

Shmoo hide cut thin made fine leather.

Even Shmoo whiskers

made excellent toothpicks

In essence the Shmoo supplied

all of the world's wants.

I only bring up the Shmoo because it's relevant

to you and why you were brought here.

I'm sorry who are you?

I'm The Boss.

I thought he was The Boss.

Why?

Do we look alike?

So Mr Fisher...

I don't know you brought me here.

Yes I did

Backwhen you thought I was him.

I never thought you were him.

I thought he was you.

I was trying to tell him you...

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