Lullaby Page #5

Well, that's only because

not one terminally ill patient

has ever survived long enough

to have their case argued

in front of the Supreme Court.

I don't know nothing about that.

- Now you do.

- Hey, look,

he'll be administering

pain medication

to me just like every other day,

but on this day, I'll be

complaining of severe pain.

This is barbaric, this whole thing.

Pain medication like that

is to treat patients,

not kill them.

Well, um, technically,

the licensed

administration of drugs

puts this under the

DEA's jurisdiction...

uh, technically.

Well, if you guys will

excuse us, please?

Well, if you officers would

like to join us in a Seder...

A what-er?

Seder. It's a celebration

of Jewish history, so...

No. Thanks.

How 'bout you?

Uh, oh, yes, sure.

Yeah, why not?

I gotta warn you, though,

I'm a recovering Catholic. Heh.

Oh, we're all... all

recovering from something.

We're not done talking about this.

I'm sure we're not.

I think this is it.

How do you like it?

It's nice.

- It's f***ed up.

- Stop it.

No, what? Are we supposed to dig?

Why the hell are we here?

No, I... Heh. 'Cause I'm

buying these four plots

to give you the option to

occupy the space next to us.

- That's what I'm doing.

- I'm not even 20,

and you want me to pick

out my own burial site?

Dad, do we have to do this?

Well, I thought it

would be cathartic.

No, it's sadistic. I'm not

gonna be put in the ground,

- not here, not anywhere.

- What are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid. I'm

gonna be cremated.

- No, you are not.

- Yes, I am.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- Our faith states that...

Look, I don't care

what the Jews do,

all right, Dad? I'm not doing it!

I'm not gonna be buried

next to the Cohens

and the Schwartzmans and

the f***ing Bagelmans!

I'm gonna be cremated, gonna

be sprinkled over the ocean.

You're not gonna be

here to stop me.

You know, I hope someday, Jonathan,

that you become proud of your heritage,

that you treat it as a lifeline

and not as a sentence.

That's what I hope!

I'm sorry.

I real... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean...

I'll come visit you,

and if I die before

I have a family,

I'll be buried here with you.

I'm moving to California.

Richard's brother

works for a label.

We're gonna get

started on the album.

- What about NYU?

- You what?

I'm not going. We're

gonna get a deal.

You are absolutely

going to college!

This is not the time or place

for this conversation.

Well, I thought you should know.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Amen.

I can't drink the wine.

I'm on duty.

I'll drink yours.

Why don't you just drink

it from the bottle?

It's where we're headed.

We wash our hands.

Wash your hands.

Hmm.

"We praise you, Adonai,

"Sovereign of Life,

for giving us life

and keeping us alive so we may

celebrate this season of joy."

Is there another prayer that

is a little more applicable?

It's fine. It's fine.

Do it in Hebrew.

He can't speak Hebrew.

Let's hear your f***ing Hebrew.

Hebrew.

Amen.

Yeah, you know,

I think we're gonna

see Officer Ramirez

in our congregation

here pretty soon.

Well, I am from Guatemala.

- Does that matter?

- Only in Guatemala.

Judaism accepts anyone who can

learn the lessons of the Torah.

I see. Well, it's a

beautiful culture.

I'd love to learn more

about it sometime.

Well, it's a lot of work for a date,

buddy, but God knows she needs it.

Excuse him.

He's a dick.

So what happens in the afterlife?

Worms crawl in, the

worms crawl out

Worms play pinochle

on your snout

Robert!

Don't hit me.

Never.

She doesn't do that.

I hope not.

Oh, no.

No, I believe that once I'm

free of this broken body,

of the pain and desires...

that I can experience God.

And also, Jonathan, it's

the son's responsibility

- to give Kaddish...

- Yeah.

In order to prove Dad's

worthiness as a teacher.

Kaddish?

- Yeah, you have to.

- Yes.

You have to attend service

every morning at

sunrise for 11 months,

and you have to say the Kaddish,

and you can't cut your

hair or your beard.

That shouldn't be a problem.

You don't have to do the hair part.

Oh, yeah, he does. He does.

Are you shitting me?

Oh, I sh*t you not. You do.

But it would mean a lot...

Okay, I didn't see you

do it when Pops passed.

I know. I didn't, but

I pray that you think

I was a good enough father to

you that you would honor me.

Here, Rach. I brought this.

Um, and I folded the pa...

The page that contains

the Kaddish prayer.

We'll see.

Well, I'd better get back to work.

Um, I wanted to leave

this with you.

It's got my cell on there.

Thought maybe you could call

if you're having a problem

or just call for no reason at all.

I'd be careful, you know.

If this thing works out,

you may have to convert.

Please.

That wouldn't be so bad.

Hmm.

I'd better be going. Thanks.

It was great to meet you.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Uh, oh,

nice guy. Nice guy, Karen.

Are you serious, Dad?

Why don't you just bring

him into the family,

maybe have the Guatemalan Kaddish?

Jonathan.

I don't believe I ordered

the Guatemalan Kaddish.

Good one, Dad.

Even death is not to be feared

by one who has lived wisely.

Sounds like kung fu.

It's Buddha.

There you go.

You gave that to him.

Tell me something. What

kind of wife quotes Buddha

in helping a Jew end his life?

Someone who has lived a

lot longer than you have.

And besides, I didn't do it

to help him end his life.

I needed no help.

There is nothing

disgraceful about living.

That's easy for you to say.

This is wrong.

It's suicide.

Karen, just calm down.

I can't. I can't let you do this.

Then argue it.

What?

Argue your case.

Build an argument,

and present it to me.

You tell me why I

should keep fighting

a fight that I've already won.

Yeah.

And if I give a

convincing argument?

I'll go on fighting.

I will have the procedures.

I will stay attached

to the machines.

You got eight hours.

Here's 27.

I'll get a pack.

Chill the f*** out!

Still relying on the

gifts of fortune, I see.

For one buck.

Just looking for a lucky break.

I'm glad you called.

I was, um, worried about you.

Hey, gorgeous...

you got a cigarette?

Was what's-his-name jealous?

He has a name.

He was.

No, he wasn't. He trusts me,

a concept that is foreign

to you, I'm sure.

Hey, you're kind of hot.

You really think I'm incapable of trust?

Well, you have to trust yourself

before you can trust

anybody else, so...

Come on, stud.

- Come party with us.

- Come on.

Ladies, there's nothing more I'd

like to do than party with you,

but tonight's just not

the night, all right?

What the f***?

- Relax, buddy.

- What? Don't tell me

- to f***ing relax.

- Awesome.

Why don't you f***ing relax, huh?

I'm just trying to have

a conversation here.

I don't give a f*** what you're

trying to do, motherf***er! Ohh!

Come on. You all right?

I'm sorry. Ladies.

Emily!

I'm sorry.

Hey, sorry.

What, John?

Thanks for coming.

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