Lymelife Page #2

This is the best birthday

present I could possibly get.

But in your letter,

you said

that you wouldn't be here

till next week.

I mean, I've got it...

look, right here.

It's okay.

Ma, I know. I know.

I got out a week early.

I just forgot to call

is all, okay?

Okay, you know, I just...

I... you know me.

I like to be prepared.

You know,

I wouldn't have made that.

Oh, honey, you look so thin,

you know, like you got

rickets in your bones.

I mean, what do

they feed you there?

Um, pretty much

this kind of stuff.

- Oh, god almighty.

- I'm sorry.

No, it's great. I love it.

It's great. Thank you.

Mm, before I left,

my commanding officer told me

I might be activated

because of the Falklands,

so basically I'm here

till told otherwise.

Ooh, the Balkan Islands.

I saw that on TV.

Balkan, Falkland.

Hello?

Hi, honey. Hi.

Guess who.

Yeah, where is

the little sh*t?

R2-d2, is that really you?

Jim.

- Hey, Jim.

- Hey.

Oh, you got big.

No, no, no, okay, you know,

I mean, uh, mature,

like, uh...

like a little lady.

Yeah, you look good too.

Ah, yes, yeah, thank you.

Uh, basic training

is a real b*tch,

but, you know,

it really whips you into shape.

I thought you were coming

next week.

What?

Like, 1,000 sit-ups a day.

C.o.'s a real hard-ass.

Oh, really? Wow.

I take your compliment well.

Hmm?

I thought you were coming

next week.

Yeah, well, I'm early.

What's this?

What are you gonna do?

Stay here.

You want to get

the f*** out here?

- What the f***?

- F***ing...

What the f***?

Get off me.

Get the f*** off me.

Never again.

Do you understand me?

I'll f***ing kill you!

- Jimmy, stop.

- You're f***ing dead!

All right, enough, Jimmy.

Oh.

Sh*t.

So you learned all that

in the army?

To fight?

No, they teach you

how to kill there.

With your hands?

Hands, you know, guns,

knives, grenades, whatever.

So did you have to register

them as lethal weapons?

What, my hands?

I think the army

does that for you.

F***ing "a,"

that's cool, Jim.

So you had to control yourself,

like, your instincts.

That is awesome.

Oh, but about your eye...

oh, yeah, no,

I'll tell mom

I was playing dodgeball

or something.

Good man.

Does it hurt?

Oh!

I'm sorry about that.

Dick.

Oh!

You all right?

F***ing a**hole.

So lucky you got Jimmy today,

'cause if that sh*t was me...

call me Fartlett?

Yeah, that's cool.

Call me Fartlett. Whatever.

You know, whatever.

But you know

what they say.

You hit a guy like this,

boom, dead.

Wah-wah-wah.

Bah.

Molly Molloy,

born in Dubuque, Iowa.

Has a dog named Stella

and feeds it red meat only.

Adrianna Bragg,

now in the 11th grade,

Syosset high,

no dog.

Scotty, it's my birthday.

Come down

and eat already.

Happy birthday.

Oh, my god.

I'll bet I make the cover

of Architectural Digest.

And it's yours?

No, I bought it

for the rag heads up the block

that just hit the lotto.

Yes, it's mine.

It's ours.

Here, let me show you.

This is gonna be

the laundry room right here.

This is the kitchen.

I put in one of those center

islands that we talked about.

You're gonna love it.

It's beautiful.

Scott, this is gonna be

your room.

Wow, looks like

the Millennium Falcon.

Yeah, Mick, it's, uh...

it's very modern.

Yeah, it's modern.

It's ultramodern.

I used the best architect

on the island.

Really?

Is there still time to...

I don't know...

maybe, uh, take the edge off

somehow?

Take the edge off?

You're kidding, right?

No.

You meant Millennium Falcon

in a good way?

Yeah, definitely.

Check this out.

This is where the sunroom

is gonna be

with the eastern exposure.

Get that morning light

that we talked about... beautiful.

The windows are double-paned,

plate glass, slightly tinted.

They cost a fortune,

but they are...

smooch...

beautiful.

Yeah, but wouldn't it

just be cheaper

if we built a sunroom

on our house?

We don't have the acreage

on our property.

We could build

a tennis court here.

We don't have any

tennis players in our family.

Maybe you could learn.

We could put

a tennis court in now

if I wanted to learn, Mickey.

Well, yeah, we could put in

an aboveground pool too.

But we might as well

be back in queens.

It wouldn't be

such a bad thing, would it?

- To be back in queens?

- Yeah.

Come on, mom. Don't argue.

It's your birthday.

We'll be inside.

You could have

at least warned me.

I mean, a decision like this

you make without asking me,

moving our family?

It's next door.

We're not moving.

We're upgrading, you know?

In with the new.

Out with the old.

f***er.

What is it with queens?

She's like Dorothy

in The Wizard of Oz.

It's different there.

She had her neighbors around

to complain to.

Takes her mind off the problems.

What problems?

She doesn't have

any problems.

You sound like dad.

I do?

They don't even f*** anymore.

What? How the f***

do you know that?

You know the rubbers

under dad's bed

we used to use

as water balloons?

Ew, yeah.

They haven't been there

in over a year.

Okay, well, first of all,

that's sick

to even think about,

and second, she's coming,

so shut the f*** up.

Found them

in my window well.

What if they have parents

who will be worried

if they don't come home?

Yeah, if frogs worry,

I guess.

What do you think would

happen if I didn't come home?

They'd look for you.

Who?

I don't know.

Maybe they'd send

Blaze salad f***.

I'm kidding.

Really, I'm... you know, I'm sorry

he never asked you out.

It was weird

seeing you get your ass kicked.

Well, he's bigger than me.

Wasn't a fair fight.

Yeah, but... I don't know...

I felt like you were,

like, my, uh...

my little brother or something.

Really?

Your brother?

Yeah.

Yeah, I better go.

What? No, come on.

I'm... I'm kidding.

I was joking.

I didn't... I didn't mean it

in a bad way.

No, I was...

I was just kidding.

- I'm not mad.

- God, you're being such a...

no, you're supposed

to smother it with something.

Then you can pull it out.

Shut up.

Can you just shut up

and let me do this?

What is wrong with you?

Is it a bad one, dad?

Yeah.

What do you mean,

a bad one?

Deer tick.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Yeah.

Well, where did it happen,

outside or in the house or...

I don't know.

It's filled with blood.

Oh, my god.

Scotty, I'm so...

how are you feeling?

You feeling okay?

- I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, I'm fine.

He'll probably have

to get a...

What?

Blood transfusion.

I'm kidding.

It's not a bad one.

That's not funny.

That's not funny.

Whoo.

Charlie, why don't you

take him home, okay?

Stop scratching.

Let me see.

It's not a bad one.

All right?

Would you take him home?

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Lighten up.

Look at it through here.

Lovely.

Okay, okay, don't...

- it's not funny.

- I'm just kidding.

You're hurting my arms.

Jesus.

Cotton Bowl,

a young Joe Montana,

absolutely unbelievable.

He fell ill...

All right.

What? What is it?

What does it feel like?

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