Made in America Page #3

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Yeah, right.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, there.

Lucy, I'm home!

These earrings are

a form of torture.

Ok, what's going on?

I'm just making dinner.

Just making dinner, huh?

I just wanted to make sure

that you knew

That even though we fight,

I think you're

a great mom.

This is major.

Ooh! I hate

when you do that.

I'm sorry.

Ok.

I'm up.

All right, all right...

How many guesses do I get?

All right...

Did James fall asleep

Listening to that

Judy Garland tape

And burn down the bookstore?

All right.

You didn't get

accepted to M.I.T.?

Are you pregnant?

Listen, stop.

Stop this.

Stop for one second.

Tell me what's going on.

Ma, I found

my real father today.

He's a mean a**hole.

What?

I found my father!

Wait a minute. Wait.

What does that mean,

you found your father?

I went to the sperm bank,

Got your file from the computer,

And he's my father.

Ma, it was terrible!

Are you crazy?

I'm sorry!

What did you do?

I'm sorry!

Ok. O--I'm sorry.

Ok, come here.

Come here.

It's ok. It's ok.

It's ok. Mommy's here.

It's ok. It's ok.

It's all right.

Um, ma?

You haven't heard the worst part.

What?

He's, um...

He's--He's a...

Car salesman.

Car salesman?

Yeah.

And, ma, you're not gonna

believe this, but, um...

He's a white car salesman.

Wait. What do you mean, white?

He's like--Like white-White?

White-White-White.

You mean he's like

A creamy eggshell kind of tan.

No. Like white.

Like totally white.

Like a white guy.

No. You mean that

he was so light

You thought he was

a white guy.

He's so light, ma,

He is a white guy.

What do you mean, he's white?

I didn't ask--

I didn't want no white--

What is he doing being white?

I didn't ask for a white man!

I distinctly asked for a black man!

Did you see the guy?

Was the guy black?

Didn't I tell you

the man came in a tube?!

I couldn't see anything!

Well, you should've

asked to see him!

So kill me!

Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!

No, don't kill me.

I'll kill myself.

How's that?

What do you mean,

he's white?

I can't--Wait. Forget it.

It doesn't matter.

Ok.

It's no big deal.

Hell, your hair's always been fine.

So what?

You're a little bit

lighter than me. Big deal!

Right. I mean,

look at Lacie and Rissa.

They're both really light,

And both of their parents

are really dark.

They're my complexion.

And look at those kids

on the cosby show.

Oh, please.

Let's not get into that.

You know they're mixed, right?

Well, of course they're mixed!

Ok. Well, then, we can

never really tell.

Who's gonna tell?

Who cares?

Are you gonna tell somebody?

No!

I won't tell, so let's eat!

Ok.

Ok!

Ok.

Ma, it's even worse.

Oh, please!

What?

It's Hal Jackson.

Who?

Hal Jackson.

"Because real cowboys

are strong and tough,

And so are

American trucks."

You mean the schmuck

on the television

With all the animals?

"Hal's your pal"?

That's my dad.

This is Hal Jackson

from Jackson motors,

And this is Larry.

Larry and I

Just saw Thelma and Louise

together,

And we figure if those

2 gals can see America,

Then, hell, it's high time

we did, too.

The old-Fashioned way--

Behind the wheel

of a top-Of-The-Line

American vehicle.

Sit down there, Larry,

and grab the wheel.

Here, turn around

and grab the wheel.

There you go.

You're driving there, son.

So come on down

to Jackson motors

And see the specials

we got goin'

On cars and trucks.

Could change your life.

I know Larry's

gonna change mine.

Larry's my pal.

Don't forget--

Hal's your pal.

Well, give me 5 here, Larry!

All right!

Grab your pistola

And let's go.

Adios, folks. Go on.

Pick your nose later.

Grab the wheel.

Let's do some drivin'.

Idiot.

Oh, Lord.

Stupid bear.

You are beautiful

because you are you--

Unique and individual--

But maybe

you don't believe this

Because your beauty

can't completely be seen.

Oh, Lord.

Maybe you have unwanted extra weight.

Maybe bad skin.

Maybe poor posture.

Maybe facial hair.

Close your eyes right now

And visualize these

negatives disappearing.

See the new

more beautiful you emerging.

Good morning.

I need to speak to somebody

In your records department.

We're looking for

books on weddings.

Her daughter Cindy's

getting married.

Finally!

Well, that's nice,

but I only carry books

With traditional

African ceremonies.

Well, that's a start, I guess.

Yes, um, look...

17 years ago,

I purchased some...

Some, uh...

We can't find

the wedding books.

Over by the voodoo dolls.

Oh!

Oh!

Sperm.

I bought sperm.

I asked for

an African-American.

I don't think that's what I got.

I filled out all of these forms.

Nobody seems to be able

to tell me--

Are the books in order

Of subject matter or author?

Author.

Who's the author

of the wedding book?

Babe, I'm on the phone here.

I don't know.

My life is hanging in the balance,

And you want talk to me about authors.

Would you just do your thing?

What thing?

I just don't think

I got what I paid for.

Why do all complaints

have to come in writing?

It's obvious to me

you people can't read.

Do the

"Urban bush woman"

T-Shirts come in petite?

What exactly is

an urban bush woman?

Me! Me!

I'm an urban bush woman!

I'm an urban bush woman!

Oh.

This is not a mix-Up.

A mix-Up is when you

order a hamburger

And get a cheeseburger

Or when you bring your

clothes to the dry cleaner,

And they give you

somebody else's clothes.

What I'm talking about is

a major mistake in my life!

I hate it

When dry cleaners make mistakes.

Oh, and they say

The chemicals in dry cleaning

Are very bad for you.

I know.

Who are you people?

Shut up!

Get away from my counter.

I'm busy!

Go over there until I

finish this conversation,

And then I will help you!

Well, all right!

Now, listen, all you

have to do is--

Hello?

Hello?

Damn it.

I guess that explains

Why you like that

surfin' music sh*t.

That is not funny, Tea.

That's messed up--

A white dude.

I should've never told you.

No, that's cool.

Didn't dude say he'd get

you a deal on a truck?

Yeah, right.

That's amazing, huh?

Yeah. I mean, there's

a crazy difference

Between factory sticker

and what they charge you.

Big deal, Tea.

It is a big deal.

Come on.

You know my parents

Are getting me a car

for graduation.

I'm taking you down there

just to show you the place,

Not to get you

a deal on a car,

So get over it, all right?

You're just mad 'cause you're

white.

Shut up.

"Shut up."

We're gonna crash.

How many trucks sold this morning?

Aw, come on, folks.

First rule of sales--

Enthusiasm.

Mornin', darlin'.

Look at this.

Toyota lowered prices.

All right. How much?

5 % across the board.

Well, hell, that

makes me feel great!

Didn't make any

of us feel great.

That's because you're missin'

the big picture, Jose.

They had to lower prices.

We got ourselves a better product.

All you need

Is conviction and belief.

I'll bet you $100

I nail the next person to walk in.

Ooh! I'm in.

Hey, I can do that.

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