Made In Britain Page #2

- You speak Urdu?

- No.

Fucks your chances then, dunnit?

Here y'are.

"Wood-veneer wall coverings. Candidate

must read, be of good character...

...living at home with parents

in home environment."

"No criminal record.

School records will be checked."

- Do I get a job from you?

- Yes, but you'll have to wait in the queue.

- You get me a job, right?

- Yes, but you can't jump the queue.

And you're supposed not to

take the cards from the display.

Could you put them back for me?

Tacky jobs, ain't they?

If you wait, perhaps

we can sort something out!

You got something useful I can do

while I'm waiting for a job?

I got ten O levels, seven A levels,

I speak Punjabi and chapatti!

You'll have to wait!

I'll come back tomorrow.

- See ya!

- I doubt it.

What's this place?

Where did you get all them?

Down a scrap yard.

- What's this?

- Centre punch. You never seen one?

- No.

- T-bar?

- What's that for?

- I'll show you.

Take these, get 'em in the centre.

Hide 'em - stick 'em up your arse.

Don't lose 'em! We get nicked, chuck 'em.

Hey, all the new cars -

they got locks, proper locks.

How you gonna do it if you

ain't got the right-sized keys?

Which one do you want?

That one.

- See? It's locked!

- Bollocks.

- You want the keys?

- No.

Oh, that's sweet. That's sweet, man.

- Now get out.

- What?

- Get out.

- What for?

I been down the Jobcentre on the bus.

We get back together, they'll suss us

and get my keys, so you f***in' walk.

I'm going to see some mates.

Trevor!

Trevor!

Take it back.

- What?

- The car, Trevor. Take it back!

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- I'm not bloody stupid. I saw you.

You've nicked that bloody car,

so take it back!

I ain't nicked no car!

I saw you get out of it.

Now, I'm not blind or stupid.

Now, take it back. Get rid of it!

I'll get rid of it. But I ain't taking it back.

Fine.

But do just that.

- You've known about it for two weeks!

- I haven't till now!

- I been on a boat before.

- Let's start loading.

- At least come and have a look.

- What for?

- I ain't scared.

- I know you ain't.

He said I was.

I did not! I said if you were nervous,

you should have a look.

Trevor?

Come through, will you?

Go, and bloody good luck to ya!

Where is it? Where'd you put it?

- What?

- The bloody car, Trevor, the car!

I gave it to Oxfam. They're using it

to ship wogs back to Zululand.

- Where is it?

- Police parking lot. Where's lunch?

- Why'd you take it?

- To get back to lunch.

- You were given money for a bus!

- I bought a car instead.

You're not being clever, you know.

When do I get lunch?

You don't. You've missed lunch.

It's too late.

- You what?

- And next time I'll have you in court.

- Great!

- It's your last chance. Get out.

You had your lunch?

Yeah.

I ain't.

Oi!

Oi! I want my lunch!

Oi! I want my lunch!

Do you mind?

There's no lunch.

You know there's no lunch.

We don't serve lunch

at three in the afternoon!

He's got his in there. He's got it.

The dining room's closed.

You bastard! I'll have you!

Aaghh!

Aagh!

- Let me through! I have the key.

- Let go!

- OK!

- Right!

Get rid of this, shall we?

Heavy mob?

Thank you, Peter.

Well, at least you can spell.

Harry Parker, your social worker - I know

Harry very well - he says you're bright.

- Says you're worth a bit of bother.

- Wouldn't take the time, if I were you.

Don't be smart. We've no time to waste.

Plenty of other kids

we could be dealing with.

If you want to behave like a moron...

...we'll put you with all the other morons

under lock and key.

I'll have you transferred to a secure unit.

We'll assess you from there.

If you're gonna stay here,

you have to step into line.

- I'm not...

- Just a sec. You have to step into line...

...and you have to cooperate.

That shouldn't be too difficult.

We're a reasonable lot.

I'm not signing any contract.

Well, let's look at that, shall we?

Let's give your intelligence

the benefit of the doubt.

Mr Parker says you're a bright lad,

and I respect his opinion...

...so I have a particular interest in you -

personal, between the two of us.

I want you to prove to me

you're worth all the time and effort...

...that we're prepared to put into you.

Your big break, this.

Cos I'll not give you a second chance.

All right?

- All right.

- Good.

So let's take a look at

what life's got in store for you.

Go back a few steps,

see just how clever you've been so far!

For a kickoff, you've just been to court.

When was it?

Thursday. Yesterday.

Just yesterday?

You've been before, haven't you?

Right?

- Right.

- Still being clever, still being smart.

So what were the most important things

that happened before that?

Can you remember that far back?

You started off here, at home.

H- O-M-E spells home.

There's your mum, your dad,

all the rest of 'em.

And just like any other mum and dad,

all they ask you to do is to go to school.

Now, that's not too much to ask, is it?

You're clever, bright. Everybody wants

you to succeed, nobody wants a failure.

Get the right qualifications,

make your way in the world.

But you didn't want to go to school,

did you? You knew best!

So you started bunking off -

out the gate, over the fence.

And your teachers are concerned,

cos they're there to help.

They don't want to see you get behind.

So they go and see your mum and dad.

- No teacher's ever been to my house.

- They still talked to your mum and dad.

And they told you to get your arse back

into school! But you still didn't listen.

Out the gate, over the fence.

Before you know where you are...

...your mum and dad get a visit

from the education welfare officer!

- Got a visit from him, didn't you?

- Yeah.

The EWO's there

to make sure you go to school...

...or he tells the appropriate authority.

And that spells trouble!

Now, at this point,

a lot of kids get a bit of sense.

They get themselves together,

they get back to school, they listen.

But you didn't listen, did you?

The education welfare officer visits

four, five, six, even seven times...

...tries to help, discover the problem.

A lot of time and expense - and all

because you don't want to go to school!

The EWO reaches his limit,

so he sends your parents a letter...

...threatening to take you to court

for non-attendance...

...but that does nothing -

absolutely nothing.

So there's a summons.

And you go for the very first time to court.

Your debut!

First appearance -

send him home for a test attendance...

...for whatever good that'll do!

You're supposed to go to school

for 21 days straight...

...but you foul up after the third

or fourth day and back you go again.

So... One, two, three, four, five...

...six breaks.

Six chances to get yourself straight,

get your arse back into school...

...and one, two, three, four, five...

...six times you've blown it.

- Now, am I not right?

- Yeah.

But you weren't just bunking off. You had

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