Magic Page #2

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I think his old|man was a limey.

Came here to work|in a health club

and gave massages.

Somethin' like that.

It's me.

Chick, It's old Gangrene.

Gangrene.

That's funny.

Quick into.

Corky, our visitor from|New York, George Todson.

How do you do sir?

You have a lot of potential.

Hey what about me?

You're terrific too Fats.

Thanks Mr. Wigston,

I mean Tubeston.

Todson.

Todson.

Now that's what I call funny.

Hey, you'll strain|your pacemaker.

Behave yourself.

Come here a second, will ya?

Ah, by the way,

how did you change|the diamond to the heart?

I'm the misdirection dummy.

While we're bullshittin',

you could bring an|elephant on to the stage.

Which is why this magician

will not bomb on the tube.

Why?

Because the goddamn|camera watches their faces

and not Corky's hands.

So you live and you learn.

See ya.

Bye.

Yeah, all right.

How'd it go?

Sen-f***in'-sational.

See I'm catching.

What happens next?

Well, we reel 'em in slow.

The same kind of|low key build up

we gave|Steve Martin last year.

I'm not lettin' you|near New York,

till we're close|to making a deal.

So I just stay here?

No, first,|I'd like to book you

in a small lounge in|Vegas for the experience.

Then the area talk shows.

You know,|Tom Snyder, Mike Douglas.

All leading to Carson.

And if he asks|you to come back,

I think he will,

that should do it.

So, you keep motor|mouth here in line,

while I work on them

droolers at the network.

It should take five,|maybe six months.

Now, when I buy|you a free lunch

at the|Four Seasons in New York,

you'll know you're home free.

Sound okay?

Yes sir.

You're a good kid Corky.

Hey, you know what I think?

No, what do you think?

We're gonna be a star.

Zachary!

Seems like I'm|breaking the law.

I'll see that no|one touches it sir.

No one must ever touch|a Rolls, but a Rolls man.

Yes sir.

Margo, will you|show this gentleman

to Mr. Greene's table please?

Hi.

Hi.

Is everything all right?

They want me?

The uh, network people I mean.

May I?

Yeah, thank you.

Have a cigar for later Corky.

Take two, they're are big.

I invented|conspicuous consumption.

Don't you forget that.

If you're trying to|get my attention you got it.

Will you do me a favor kid,

will you try not|to turn sh*t heel.

It's almost an automatic

once a guy makes it big.

I'd love to see|you beat the odds.

Maybe I won't make it big.

Come on, tell me.

What is it.

Two years ago,|you couldn't get arrested.

Two years from now

you are going to have it all.

Corky, NBC wants|a pilot special.

What's that?

What's that,

it's what they gave|Rich Little a while back.

Menu sir?

Ah, you see, when|they're hot for somebody

like they're hot for you,

they make a contract which|hinges on the first show.

And if it hits,

you're off and running|for a bunch more.

Terrific.

That's why they|call me the Postman,

I always deliver.

Is it set and, everything?

It's set but|it's not set, set.

There's agent stuff like who|pays how much for publicity,

how much for the guest stars.

You'll have to|take a medical exam

and stuff like that.

Now what's wrong.

Um...

I don't think I'm going|to take the medical exam.

Any particular reason.

Principle.

What the hell does|that mean, principle?

Do you remember|that first night

when you came backstage|at the uh, Stardust

and you said, you wouldn't|mind representing me.

Do you remember what I said?

You're goddamn right.

You said that|I could represent you

but you didn't want to sign.

That was principle too.

Because if we're|happy with each other,

our word should be enough.

To hell with signing|some piece of paper.

Why is this with the|medical exam principle?

Because they're saying|something wrong with me.

And I say I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I don't need any doctors

poking around|inside me that's all.

Are you serious about this?

I mean is this a deal breaker?

Yeah, I guess it is.

Sadie, Sadie.

I have to put you on hold.

Sadie, what's the first|rule for being an agent?

Never forget an|act that killed Lincoln.

Head of the class.

Get me Bernstein in Legal.

Corky has turned impossible.

I don't believe it.

Well, I should have|been a cesspool cleaner

like my mama wanted.

Corky's so cheap,

last night he sent his|girlfriend out to hustle.

It's not true, not true.

Just ignore him.

When she came|back this morning,

he asked how much she'd|gotten and she said

"Sixteen dollars|and ten cents".

Corky said "ten cents?

My God, who gave|you ten cents?"

And she said "Everybody".

Dammit.

Everybody, she said,

Body, body, body.

Dody, dudy, duny.

And she said...

And she said...

and she said everybody.

Hello?

I've been having|meetings for hours.

I couldn't budge 'em Cork.

I thought you|said they wanted me?

Well they do Cork, but...

Didn't you explain|about the principle?

Now kid,|this is network policy.

It's legal policy.

Now I'm sitting here

with three of our|genius lawyers,

my God, their IQ's alone

must total up to 100.

Now we have called|NBC a dozen times

and they are not,

I repeat not about to spend

a half a million bucks

only to find out on taping day

that there's some|kinda health problem.

There's no problem.

Corky!

Make 'em understand.

Well...

shoo will you fellas.

Let me handle this alone.

Yep.

Good luck Ben.

Yeah.

Now kid I don't|have to ask you

what the trouble is.

'Cause I know|what the trouble is.

I've told you once before.

It's just success kid.

Please believe me.

You want success

but you're afraid of it.

Now that happens to|everybody at this stage.

I'm not afraid.

Now you stay right there.

and I'll be right over

and we'll talk it through.

I'm not afraid.

Hang tight kid.

I'm on my way.

I won't be here.

We should hit Grossinger's|inside another 20 minutes.

Never mind that.

Take your next left.

Here.

Keep going into town.

Your place?

I was brought up here.

Must remember it being|a whole lot bigger huh?

No.

Wanna look around.

No point.

Family all gone huh?

Yeah.

Ah, you're lucky.

I live with four brothers.

All a**holes.

I don't want to come on|like some ghoul, but uh...

do you got people in there?

People?

Just family.

You look a lot like|yourself, you know that?

Yeah, I caught you on the|Carson Show a couple times.

You must make|a ton for that huh?

How'd you luck into that?

You know?

See, I sing great.

I know they'd cream over me.

My agent,|William Morris, arranged it.

Is this Morris guy

a personal friend of Carson?

Is that how that works?

William Morris is the name|of a agency, not a guy.

Oh.

Hold it, right here.

Pull over to your left.

Fine.

Hey, this is|Lake Melody ain't it?

I'll be right back.

Anybody?

Anybody home?

What do you want?

A cabin.

We're kinda closed.

Something above the|lake is what I'm after.

It's just the kind of|place I'm looking for.

I won't be disturbed here.

That's for sure.

But like I said,

we're kinda closed.

$50 bucks a night.

In advance.

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