Magic in the Moonlight

You do something to me

Something that

simply mystifies me

Tell me, why should it be

You have the power

to hypnotize me?

Let me live 'neath your spell

Do do that voodoo

that you do so well

'Cause you do something to me

That nobody else could do

Bravo! Bravo!

I don't understand. Is the

conductor a blithering idiot?

We went over

the tempo six times!

It's adagio, adagio, adagio.

It's not racehorse tempo!

Ja, ja, Herr Crawford.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What? Don't be sorry!

Get it right.

What good are apologies

when the poetry of

the moment is lost?

And you!

You're supposed to knock

when you're ready in the trunk.

How do I know

when you're all clear?

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Crawford,

I couldn't breathe in that...

Well, you're not hired

to breathe!

But it was her first time,

Mr. Crawford.

My God, we went over this

routine all afternoon.

How do I know when to begin

sticking in the swords?

I could have

stabbed you to death,

and then,

I get blood on my ensemble.

Oh, Mr. Wei Ling Soo! You

were, as always, brilliant!

Oh, I've already

taken off my robe.

Can my wife and I

take a photo of you?

An autograph, please?

Autographs are for

mental defectives.

But I want to prove I met you.

Well, if you don't mind, I'd

rather that proof didn't exist.

What if you get

picked up for sodomy?

Yes!

Stanley?

Burkan!

How are you, Howard?

Brilliant. You are still

the best in the world.

No thanks to the assorted

Neanderthals I have to deal with.

Oh, you haven't changed.

You're still a perfectionist,

a snob, a genius,

with all the charm

of a typhus epidemic.

Well, can I help it if I'm

surrounded by assassins?

Nonetheless,

you held us spellbound.

And that last effect, from the

sarcophagus into the empty chair,

when you swivel around...

I mean, I do a vanish-and-reappearance

trick in my show

where I transport

my pretty assistant

from one side of the stage

to the other

in a steamer trunk,

but it is nothing

compared to what you do.

I invented that effect myself.

And if you're very good,

when we have more time,

I'll teach you all the moves.

It's actually... It's very simple.

You can do it anywhere.

It's a spectacular trick.

It's so good to see you.

How long has it been?

It's a year, at least.

And the tour's going well?

Yes, it's going quite well.

It concludes this week.

Munich was good.

Barcelona adored me.

And you'll never guess who came

to see the show in Zurich.

Enid Paxton. Enid Paxton?

Little thing in third form,

we both used her

as an assistant

when we decided to become magicians.

Ah...

You sawed her in half,

and I cut her head off.

Well, she was a game girl.

Uh, how is she? Oh, she's fine.

You don't really notice

any of the scars.

Of course, she's fatter

than my elephant.

What? Pretty little Enid

with the curls?

Well, the years

can be cruel, Howard.

"Life is nasty, brutish and

short," as the man said.

Was it Hobbes? Yes, I

believe it was Hobbes.

I'd have got on

rather well with Hobbes.

Shall we go for a drink?

Brilliant notion, Burkan.

We can catch up.

Stanley, I need your help.

Ah, the plot thickens.

I'll buy you a scotch.

The Catledge family

are wonderful people.

Caroline Catledge is

an old friend of mine.

They're a wealthy

Pittsburgh family.

Father made millions

in coal before he died.

They're socialites with several

houses, one in the south of France.

Now, the thing is, there's a

young woman staying with them,

who has them believing

that she's a spirit medium.

Oh, Lord,

not another fake psychic.

What a pestilence they are.

They're taken with her

predictions of the future.

Telling them what they want to hear.

Precisely.

Hmm, and charging them for all

the good news she brings.

Exactly right. And, of course,

she's a pretty young thing.

Well, of course. A pretty face

never hurt a cheap swindler.

Brice Catledge,

Caroline's brother,

the heir to the family fortune,

fancies himself

in love with her.

You know, I don't know

who I loathe more,

those who use simple tricks

to prey on the gullible,

or the gullible, who are so stupid,

they deserve what they get.

Brice Catledge's

sister Caroline

is married to a doctor,

a psychoanalyst,

and he insisted on this

woman doing her sances,

in the presence of

two renowned scientists.

Oh, rubbish.

Doesn't he know that scientists

are among the easiest to fool?

Well, this is the thing,

I'm embarrassed to say,

that I watched this woman work

from every angle, time and again,

and I couldn't

find anything amiss.

I mean, I watched every

move, and Lord knows,

I know pretty much every mind-reading

and seance trick there is,

but I couldn't find a flaw or spot

a single suspicious move and...

I began to doubt

my own clear thinking.

You know, I thought,

"Maybe, she's the real thing".

There is no real thing,

Howard! It's all phony!

From the sance table,

to the Vatican and beyond!

I can't believe

you're saying this.

I'm very worried

for the family.

If you could come and

observe her in action?

After all, you are

the greatest debunker

of fake spiritualists

in the world.

There's not a single one

who's got past you.

Olivia and I were all set

to take a holiday,

travel through the Galapagos.

But you hate holidays.

You'll spend your whole time in

your room practicing card tricks,

and you'll never

see the big turtles.

And besides, you've always

loved the south of France,

and you could visit

your Aunt Vanessa.

But if this woman knows she's being

watched by the great Wei Ling Soo,

she'll make some excuse

not to perform.

The usual headaches,

resistance in the room...

She'll never know

you're Wei Ling Soo.

No one knows who you are

under all that chinoiserie.

You can pose

as anyone you like.

Well, if she's fooled you,

she must be very good.

But she won't fool me.

I can't wait to see what

gimmickry she's employing,

unmask it, and throw

it back in her face.

Postponing our holiday?

I can't resist.

You're driven, Stanley.

Don't get angry with me, Olivia.

It won't be for long.

Oh, Okay, go-

You've always had

the measure of me, Olivia.

Ever since our

very first dinner,

when I made your ruby ring

disappear from your finger,

and reappear in

your soft-boiled egg.

If you recall, I quickly

figured out how you did it.

Yes, you were very impressive.

Oh, it was simply a matter

of logic and common sense.

I mean, you palmed the ring and

distracted me by spilling the salt.

I believe it was my clear thinking

that attracted you to me.

Yes, your logic and

common sense equal mine,

but you have the added

quality of being beautiful.

Wife, you've said it

several times, Stanley.

We're a match made in heaven.

What a

serendipitous pleasure

to be surprised by my favorite

nephew and Howard Burkan!

Little Howard.

Uh, "Burkan the Great," if you please.

Of course.

Of all my nephews and nieces,

you're the only one, Stanley,

who isn't boring to

the point of perfection.

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