Magicians: Life in the Impossible Page #4

I love you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

mr. And mrs. Jon armstrong.

magic is a men's world.

My friend and I

came up with a theory

Why there aren't

that many female magicians.

A man does not like

to be fooled by a woman.

And also, we don't have

to pick up chicks.

- hello.

- -hi.

-How are you?

-Fine, how are you?

I just got

a match.Com call.

So brian's been

on match.Com.

I was on one too, and I--

She would get

a date every day.

I'm just--

I'm just joking.

-Okay.

-I'm just joking.

You look handsome.

Isn't he handsome?

Brian is 80 years old.

Look at him.

Shut up.

There's no wrinkle

at all!

Tell people why

you look so young.

'cause I use oil of delay.

why is it that you

couldn't stay together

As a couple,

do you think?

- Um...

'cause she had sex

with my best friend?

What? No, you can't

say that to them!

No, that's not true.

We're just kidding.

and-- okay.

Well, he's just joking.

But anyway, we--

No, no, no, no.

We broke up.

one of my concerns was,

You know, I'm signing off

on the house,

She might end up making

like $200,000 in equity

When she finally

sells the house.

Well, if I have a date

or something,

I can't take a date

to my tiny little

closet-sized apartment

With my three dogs,

you know.

I can take her over here,

we can have a glass of wine,

And, you know,

and hang out.

This is your concern,

not getting laid?

I'm concerned about

children starving--

Oh, come on.

You're concerned about

making a lot of money.

Well, then

I'm gonna donate--

I don't see any

starving children

around here.

Not around here,

but all over the world.

But you know what?

You can't take your

money with you.

I'm not gonna keep any,

so I'm gonna give it

to the kids.

Just give me some

so I can take it with me.

- Okay?

in the next few minutes...

I told you it's dangerous!

The bed of death.

Here we have five swords,

connected to these strings.

If she pulls any string,

it releases a sword.

The sword falls down

into the tabletop

And that's how

the bed of death works.

The interesting part:

She doesn't know

Which string will release

exactly which sword.

Four of them, if released,

they fall down.

It looks scary,

it looks dangerous

But they wouldn't hit me.

They'd fall down really

close to my body

But they wouldn't hit me.

But holly, there is one sword

which is extremely dangerous,

This one right here

in the middle.

It would hit me

right here.

We don't want to see

that happen tonight, holly.

And therefore

I need your help.

And now holly, please start

to mix up the strings.

Put one string

at each number.

When you're ready.

On my command,

Three, two,

One,

Pull!

Pull!

Pull.

Two strings remaining.

One safe, one dangerous.

Three, two,

One, pull!

It was safe.

Now I would like to show

to the audience what

would have happened

If you would have

pulled the last one.

Pull!

You saved me!

Mike weatherford,

the entertainment reporter,

He called me and he said

criss angel's filming

For his new tv series,

doing a new stunt.

The press release sounded

like my bed of death,

Like exactly

the same concept.

And criss saw

the show twice here.

I can't believe that

it's really the same

Because he would have

called me probably.

Barbara will release

each of those pins

Releasing their swords,

And hopefully not

penetrating my heart.

So, we've got

a lady inside.

-Okay.

-And she's gonna pull,

But he says you

the audience will choose

which pin she pulls,

And he says, "literally,

my life is in your hands."

So that's--

So, sounds pretty

similar to me.

Yeah, to me, too.

Pull one.

Pull it and drop it

on the ground.

the only thing I would have

appreciated is a call,

To say "listen, jan,

I'm working on something.

I do it a little bit

different,

But it's falling swords,

and I saw your show.

Just be prepared,

people might call you.

This is what I do."

and then I'm prepared.

take your hand off five.

Take it--

- Oh!

Holy.

people, when they are all

racing towards the same goal,

And their goal is

to be noted and respected

and make money

And have fame

in this profession,

They are going

to not like the competition.

For years, I had a rival.

I had somebody who I hated,

So much.

Hated him...

So I considered him

my arch-nemesis.

Like, so it's like a

comic book type of thing.

I hated him.

We've since patched it up,

And it was the worst

decision I ever made,

Because I have been

incredibly unmotivated

After I patched up with him.

That wand up

on that shelf,

That "close magician

of the year" wand?

That was a direct result

of me hating that guy.

I worked so hard

to get that.

As a--

that wand--

That wand sticks

right here.

Right-- right there.

That's where

that wand goes.

That's not the best reason

to get that wand.

That's a lot of hate.

I'm glad I don't have somebody

else to fill that role.

I'm a far better

person for it.

Just might not be

as productive.

My parents sometimes are

a little, like, subdued

In their response

to good news,

And so I've sort of become

accustomed to the fact

That, like, don't expect

them to go crazy.

hey, david,

what's going on?

-How are you, dad?

-Good.

-Honey?

-Hi, how are you?

I was in the running for

a show on travel channel.

There was eight magicians

being considered for,

like, this show.

What, just

doing magic like

You're on "candid camera"

kind of thing?

Yeah, like,

locational magic.

They had narrowed us down to,

like, you know, three

or whatever.

And uh, I got it.

Oh, you did?

Oh, you just casually--

Dad swore

he wouldn't tell you.

You knew?

Why wouldn't you tell me?

-'cause I made him promise

that he wouldn't.

-Why?

'cause I wanted to,

you know.

-He wanted to

surprise you.

-Yeah.

-Did I not tell you

about the travel--

-you did not tell me.

I didn't tell you that

I was even up for it?

You did not tell me.

-We need to talk

more often, you know?

-Yeah, dave, okay.

So you want

something to eat?

We don't have

anything to eat.

--oh, this is

my agent calling.

Hey, how's it going, andy?

One little tiny thing

in there is that

If I bring my ideas

to the table that

I've worked 13 years on,

That they remain, you know,

intellectual property of me

And that I can

perform them elsewhere,

And that they're not

gonna use another magician

To perform the effects

that I created.

Okay, cool.

Perfect, man!

Let's get it going.

Okay, man.

Talk to you tomorrow.

there was an article today

On "bild"'s site?

It's a german

gossip newspaper.

It's the german--

the biggest.

The german gossip

newspaper.

So it's a story about

me and criss angel,

about the bed of death.

"who owns the bed of death?"

"who owns

the bed of death?"

It goes a little bit on--

not just on my nerves,

It makes me a little stomach

pain, that whole thing.

I don't want to have this.

It should be all positive.

Yeah, but you know,

positive.

If it would be positive,

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