Man in the Chair

[Projector clicking]

ROSALIND RUSSELL:

So long, Walter.

CARY GRANT:
So long, Hildy.

RUSSELL:

Better luck to you next time.

GRANT:
Thanks.

- Oh, Hildy...

- Eh?

Uh...

Well, you kinda took the wind

out of my sails.

Look, honey, I just wanna wish

you everything I couldn't give you.

RUSSELL:
Thank you, Walter.

GRANT:
This other fellow, uh...

well, I'm sorry I didn't get

a chance to see him.

I'm more or less particular

about whom my wife marries.

- [Russell chuckles]

- Where is he?

Oh, he's right on the job,

waiting for me out there.

Ah. Do you mind if I meet him?

Oh, no, Walter.

It wouldn't do any good, really.

Oh, now you're not afraid, are you?

- Afraid? Of course not!

- Well, then, come on!

Let's see this paragon!

Is he as good as you say?

Why, he's better!

Well, then what does he

want with you?

[Laughing] Oh, now you got me.

GRANT:
Back in a half, Mildred.

Ooh... Oh, I am sorry, Hildy.

- I suppose Bruce, uh... what's his name?

- Baldwin.

Baldwin... I suppose

he opens doors for you.

He does, and when he's with

a lady, he takes his hat off.

Oh, I am sorry.

And when he walks

with a lady, he waits for her.

Oh, well, in that case...

Allow me.

Well, I can see right away

my wife picked out...

the right husband for herself.

How do you do, sir?

There must be some mistake.

I'm already married.

Already married?

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Oh, Hildy,

you should have told me.

[? "Santa Maria" by The Frames]

MAN:
? Let me off this boat ?

? I'm sick of this ride ?

? The world is heading

ever southward ?

? And I can't stay in here ?

? And you're lying awake,

away on your side ?

? The feeling comes in waves ?

? And burns us

and I don't wanna die ?

? From the slippery hands ?

? To the line of your throat ?

? The fever now

consumes us both ?

? In a fire now we will go ?

? Santa Maria ?

? Why did you have to go? ?

? Santa Maria ?

? One day we will know ?

? In a bowing of heads

and a passing of hands ?

? And all we thought

they'd understand ?

? Is lost and they won't know ?

? And what have we left ?

? When it's all that we've got ?

? There is no "X"

to mark our spot ?

? What's past is done and gone ?

? Santa Maria ?

? Why did you have to burn? ?

? Santa Maria ?

? One day you will learn ?

[Music ends]

[Children shouting]

[Loud rap music

playing in car]

[Tires squeal, engine revs...]

Hey, Kincaid.

Shouldn't you be workin'

some freeway?

Pickin' up litter, you convict?

Ass.

[Engine revs loudly,

tires squeal]

[Rap music thumps loudly]

TEENAGE BO Y:
Let's get him!

[School bell rings]

TEENAGE BO Y:

Kincaid, get back here!

TEENAGE BO Y 2:

Yeah, you better run!

You're dead, Kincaid.

MAN:
Hey, slow down!

No running!

That was totally wicked.

- Are you nuts?

- What?

Messin' with Brett Raven

and his pukes?

Do you wanna spend the entire

Christmas break in a body cast?

They act like

we don't even matter.

MURPHY:
We don't matter.

CAMERON:

Yeah, get out of here.

MURPHY:
No, I'm serious.

Remember that movie,

The Fisher King?

- Terry Gilliam, cool director.

- Money!

All right, well, Jeff Bridges

quotes what "Neitski" says...

"Neetski."

O.K., uh, the expendable masses?

The people that don't matter

to the rest of the world.

That's us. We don't matter.

The botched and the bungled?

Right. We don't matter, dude.

[School bell rings]

TEACHER:
I know you guys would

rather be someplace else...

but we got one more test

before I let you go.

[Students groan]

Knock it off. Hats off!

TEENAGE BO Y ON P. A:

Attention, fellow students...

TEACHER:
Knock it off, Brett.

The faculty and staff want to wish

you all the happiest of holidays.

There's just a couple of items

that will take place...

over the holiday vacation.

There's a Ski Club trip

to Mammoth Lakes...

the basketball tournament

at Taft High School...

and, of course,

the Los Angeles Film School...

holiday short film contest...

with the winner receiving

a full scholarship after graduation.

Uh, students involved

with these projects...

stay in touch with

your respective counselors.

That's it, students.

Have a great

and safe holiday break...

and we'll see you back

here in three weeks.

- [Applause and whoops]

- STUDENT:
Yeah!

TEACHER:
Question number one.

Let's get to it.

We're not leaving

until it's all done.

[Toilet flushes]

[Metal thuds]

I'd sue your ass for

scratching my ride, Kincaid.

But I know you're a broke dick.

You know what?

Forget about the film contest.

Two reasons:

one, juniors never win.

And two, you can't make a movie

without a little fundage.

It's a talent contest,

not a funding contest.

Like my dad says...

"It doesn't take talent

to get work in Hollywood."

No wonder why

he always has a job.

[Metal thuds]

You may know

a lot about old movies...

but you know nothing

about making one.

Merry Christmas, Kincaid.

Call the lot,

get my dad on the phone.

He'll hook us up.

MAN:
Hurry up, Cameron.

You already missed

the big crane shot.

You can pay me after.

- Thanks, Mr. Klein.

- O.K.

MAN ON SCREEN:
You figure

it was a bomb then, Hank?

ORSON WELLES:

Well, chief, Rudy Linnekar...

could have been

struck by lightning.

Where's the daughter?

MAN:
Marcia? Got her right

here waiting for you, Hank.

WELLES:
Let her go.

MAN:
You don't even want to

question her...

Take the marbles

out of your mouth, Orson!

How do you expect people

to understand your fat ass?

WELLES:
in a monkey suit?

You too, you got one of them...

MAN:

Well, we were all at the banquet.

OLD MAN:
Aah!

Excuse me, sir, but could

you keep it down?

A few of us actually

wanna enjoy this film.

OLD MAN:
Hey! Shut up!

Good-for-nothin' goldbricker.

If you had a job,

you wouldn't be here.

I'll have you know

my husband teaches...

The Virtue of Cinematic Morals

and Economics at C.S.U.N.

Cinematic morals?

Now, there's an oxymoron.

How'd you get that job?

Win it in a raffle?

- I created it.

- That can't be true.

You're buyin' your own bullshit.

You seem to be

out of touch, dear man.

Out of touch?

Hey, look, professor.

I've made more movies

than you've been to.

So why don't you just shut

your Cinematic Morals hole...

and maybe let fat Orson here

teach you something?

MAN ON SCREEN:
Of course,

we're all of us going to cooperate.

You won't have

any trouble with me.

You bet your sweet life I won't.

MAN:
O.K., folks.

We're going again.

And lights!

[Switch clicks]

[Whooshing]

Roll sound!

- MAN 2:
We have speed.

- MAN 1:
Roll camera!

MAN 3:
Turning.

MAN 4:

Scene 27, take 4. Marker.

And action!

ACTOR:
And that's what

you know about Rosebud?

Cut! Cut! God damn it!

Who flashed that arc light?

Murray!

- I'll take care of this, sir.

- [Welles grunts in anger]

- Security.

- Go.

You flashed that light on purpose,

you incompetent fool.

It was a faulty arc, Mr. Welles.

You're all incompetent! You're

all trying to sabotage my film!

Mr. Welles,

why would I wanna do that?

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