Manhattan Page #3

- Don't tell me what's gone out of date.

You're 17. You were brought up

on drugs and television and the pill.

I... I was World War II.

I was in the trenches.

- You were eight in World War II.

- Right. I was never in the trenches.

I was caught right in the middle.

It was a very tough position.

Get the groceries, will you?

Good morning

and welcome to Human Beings Wow!

We're talking this evening with Gregory

and Caroline Payne Whitney Smith...

...close friends of the Caner family.

We're normal people.

Just like you, we're in debt.

Except that Mrs. Payne Whitney Smith

is a catatonic.

Well, we don't consider her

a catatonic, just quiet.

Jesus, this is the worst.

This is really embarrassing to me.

I mean, I... This is so antiseptic...

No, wrong.

That's very chancy material.

- How do you see this as chancy?

- Who fights more with the censor?

What has the censor got to do with it?

There's no substance to the comedy.

You don't find this insightful?

Worse than not insightful.

It's not funny.

- There's not a legitimate laugh.

- That's funny.

- Look at the audience.

- You're going by audience reaction?

This is an audience raised on TV.

Their standards have been lowered

over the years.

They watch their sets and the gamma rays

eat the white cells of their brains out.

- I quit. I can't write this any more.

- Relax. Take a Lude.

I don't want a lude. All you do is drop

ludes, then Percodans and angel dust.

Naturally, it seems funny.

Anything would if you're...

You should abandon the show

and open a pharmaceutical house. I quit.

Ike, you're being silly.

We've talked to them about that.

- Don't break her neck.

- I won't. That's fine.

What did I do?

I made a terrible mistake.

It's the first smart thing you've done.

I've screwed myself up completely.

For about 30 seconds I was a big hero,

and now it's directly to unemployment.

If you need money, I'll take care of it.

That's not the point.

I got enough for a year.

If I live like Mahatma Gandhi, I'm fine.

My accountant says I did this

at a very bad time. My stocks are down.

I'm cash poor or something.

I got no cash flow.

I'm not liquid, something's not flowing.

They got a language all their own.

We discussed this. It's difficult

to live here without a big income.

Yeah, plus I got two alimonies and child

support. You know, I gotta cut down.

I'll have to give up my apartment.

I'm not gonna be able to

play tennis, pick checks up at dinner...

...or take the Southampton house.

Oh! Plus I'll probably have

to give my parents less money.

It'll kill my father.

He's not gonna be able to get

as good a seat in the synagogue.

He'll be in the back,

away from god, far from the action.

Have you said anything to Tracy?

I gotta get out of that situation.

She's a young girl. What am I...? I'm...

You know, it's ridiculous. I mean, I...

What happens if the year goes by

and my book doesn't come out?

Your book is gonna come out.

Your book is gonna be wonderful.

The worst thing that can happen is

you'll learn something about yourself.

Listen, I'm really proud of you.

I mean, this is a very good move.

This is a wonderful turnout.

The Museum of Modern Art

has been very generous.

And the proof of the strength

of the Equal Rights Amendment...

...is that so many of you

who would never do it before

put on black tie tonight.

We love you for it.

We need you and you've come through.

And now no more talk. Enjoy yourselves.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Congratulations on your book.

It was terrific.

- Oh, thanks.

- Absolutely terrific.

Listen, I'd like you

to meet Isaac Davis.

Hi, how do you do? Isaac Davis.

- Isaac, hello. Hi.

- Wh-what are you doing here?

Well, of course I'm here.

What a funny coincidence. Uh,

excuse me, Isaac Davis. We met before.

- I'm sorry.

- No, no, it's all right.

I heard you, uh, quit your job.

Yeah. A real self-destructive impulse.

I wanna write a book, so I...

Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna

march in New Jersey, you know?

We should go there,

get some guys together.

Get some bricks and baseball bats

and explain things to 'em.

There was this devastating

satirical piece on that in the Times.

Well, a satirical piece

in the Times is one thing,

but bricks get right to the point.

Aw, but biting satire

is better that physical force.

No, physical force is better with Nazis.

It's hard to satirize

a guy with shiny boots.

- Well, you get emotional, but...

- We were talking about orgasms.

- Oh, no, please!

- Really? I'm sorry. I didn't...

I'm from Philadelphia. We never

talk about such things in public.

You said that before.

I don't know what it meant then either.

I'm just about to direct a film...

uh, of my own script.

The premise is this guy

screws so great...

- Screws so great?

- Screws so great...

...that when he brings

a woman to orgasm, she's

so fulfilled that she dies.

Now this one, excuse me,

finds this hostile.

It's worse than hostile.

It's aggressive-homicidal.

You have to forgive Dennis.

He's Harvard direct to Beverly Hills.

It's, uh, Theodor Reik

with a touch of Charles Manson.

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor

told me it was the wrong kind.

Did you have the wrong kind?

I've never had the wrong kind. Ever.

My worst one was right on the money.

Good night.

It was nice to meet you.

Same here.

Bye-bye.

Oh, gee!

It's an interesting group of people.

Like the cast of a Fellini movie.

They're such fun, such wonderful people,

and Helen is a good friend.

- She's a brilliant woman.

- Mm-hm.

She's a genius. I met her through

my ex-husband Jeremiah.

How come you guys got divorced?

I never...

What do you mean

"How come we got divorced?"

What kind of a question is that?

I hardly know you.

You don't have

to tell me if you don't...

Well, we had problems. We fought a lot.

I was tired of submerging my identity

to a brilliant, dominating man.

He's a genius.

He was a genius,

Helen's a genius, Dennis is a genius.

You know a lot of geniuses.

You should meet some stupid people.

You could learn something.

Well, why'd you get a divorce?

Why? I got a divorce because my ex-wife

left me for another woman.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

God, that must have been demoralizing.

I took it well under the circumstances.

Phew-wee.

I tried to run 'em both over

with a car.

That's incredible sexual humiliation.

It's enough to turn you off women

and it accounts for the little girl.

Hey, the little girl is tine. Jesus,

she's... What's with the little girl?

Oh, sure. I understand, believe me.

16 years old, no possible threat at all.

She's 17. She's gonna be eight...

Sometimes you have a losing personality.

I'm honest. I say what's on my mind

and if you can't take it, then f*** off.

I like the way you express yourself,

too. Pithy, yet degenerate.

- You get many dates? I don't think so.

- No, I do. I actually do.

I never thought I was very pretty.

Oh, what is pretty anyway? I hate being

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