Maps to the Stars Page #3

He's got some expensive doody.

It's got rice in it from uh...

Noboo!

Like out of a honey wagon?

No, like...um... when the guy

comes in with the hose

.... empty...you know...

What is she doing with it?

Stock pilling... for that rainy day.

Okay, like, where did she get the money?

Slush fund.

Oh! Benjie you are so sick!

There are some days, I actually,

I ran specials when I had diarrhea.

- Summer clearance.

- Everything must go!

Oh my God!

Come...

Who is that?

Starla Gent, country singer.

- She won the voice?

- Nah, she's runner up.

God, she is a wild woman.

Uh, hell of an actress, as well.

Didn't I tell you?

Javitz cast her in the part you wanted.

Shut up!

Ah, I wonder if

Blake Sheldon pied in that butt.

Hey, you like Sam?

Um.

You could totally f*** her.

She wants to be in your movie.

I hear she gets great Oxy too.

I've almost got 90 days.

To what?

Sobriety, you dick-wad!

Oh, my God!

The human stench.

Fat, anchor whore from TN was in the bathroom. We saw her ankles.

What was her name again?

It was like something Dead Farted.

Hey, isn't that Sterl Carruth?

Oh yeah, with Havana Segrand.

We have the same agent.

How old is she?

Totally menopausal.

Oh, beyond! She's near death!

She's like older than my grandmother.

Oh, she is. She MILF.

Grandmother I like to f***.

Are they f***ing?

Ah, she'd be like a mercy f***.

Like when orderlies rape

old people in nursing homes.

Hey, didn't her mom die in a fire?

Yeah!

Like Jack Cassidy.

Who's that?

The prodigal swinger.

David Cassidy's father.

Who's David Cassidy?

Sean Cassidy's brother.

You know her mom was

really cool actress as well, um...

... Clarice Taggart?

Yeah, um...

Annie did a thing on her.

She was really cool!

She was young.

Who is that?!

F***.

F***.

Hey, Damien, what's happening?

Yeah, yeah, I could totally wear 2 earrings.

I love that.

Um, Maestro, I'm just, eh...

I'm just here with the kids.

Doing the whole bedtime story thing.

Can I... can I call you back?

Um, yeah, no, I'll, yeah,

I'll call you right back first thing.

Hey!

Mention me when... you talk!

You are so f***ing crazed.

Suck my dick and I'll put in a word.

I loved you so much.

You were such

a beautiful little girl but you lied.

How could you grow up

to be a monster who lies?

F***.

Hey!

What's happening?

I'm sorry, it's...

I just got uncomfortable.

I guess I'm a lousy dyke.

Why don't you take a Klonopin?

I know a man...

... who lives under the sword of Damocles...

... we call aids.

'When my time comes', he told me...

I'll be ready.

My bags are packed

and at the door.

I like that.

I like that very much.

There is a time in

our lives and in out therapies

when out eyes stray

to the bags at the door.

After we wept.

After we have suffered.

After we have exhausted the fountain of memory.

Bloodied our hands.

In the walls of our parents house.

I thought that

Gary Marshall was gonna be there.

And it was a meet.

I didn't know I was gonna have to read.

And then they gave me

the wrong drive-on and I had to walk like a mile.

And I stank by the time I got there.

And then the casting director, who I know

doesn't even acknowledge me.

She just walks right by

without saying a word and...

... and then she tells me...

She doesn't even know if

Gary even knows I'm coming in.

You know this is Gary Marshall,

not Berdalucci.

His movies don't make

money any more and I know Gary.

And then she says they

want to put me on tape

and I'm like, excuse me but

you need special make-up for that

or you look green and she says

well you can either tape or not!

Like it's all some pointless exercise and

I just can't take it anymore, Jacob!

I'm so tired and it's so pathetic!

Is that Carrie?

Later Jacob. They're here.

Hi Carrie!

How are you?

Oh, when I get in touch with

myself I'll let you know.

It's been insane.

Did you rap?

Well, we go back to Prague

tomorrow to do re-shoots.

Are you doing the Javitz film?

Oh, I hope so.

Did you hear something?

Well, Genie told me you were up for it.

That would be so amazing

for you to play your own mother.

I mean...

Every daughter should have

that opportunity, right?

Do you know Damien?

Well, we just...

had dinner once in Tangeers.

Well, if you see him,

tell him to hire me.

Oh, Genie told me about Adaggio.

Eh, how long did she work for you?

3 years.

Are you still looking for a new assistant?

Absolutely, you've become

my employment agency.

Would you do me a big favor?

This is gonna sound bizarre but...

Would you interview this girl

that I met on the Internet?

I'm so nervous.

Naw, it's okay.

Do you like some tea?

Oh, thank you, yes.

Your house is so beautiful.

Walls are so thick and those chimes.

Oh, their from a monastery

in Dharamsala.

I met the Dalai Lama.

He's very cool man.

He laughs a lot and he's...

actually just like someone you

wanna hang with, you know?

But, you can't cause

he's the Dalai Lama!

Thank you for the tea.

Marie is at the hospital.

My housekeeper.

One of her girls is sick.

She's got like, you know, 40 kids.

So...

I guess you know why you're here.

Mm, because of Carrie.

How did you guys start e-mailing?

Well, she wrote on Twitter that she was

researching for a

new novel she was writing.

About a burn girl so...

I wrote to her and then I met her

at a Star Wars convention in Florida.

Was that weird for you, I mean...

She's so amazing.

You know, she's such a funny, amazing person.

Plus we both have dual disorders,

we finish each others sentences.

So you came out here to see her?

I just wanted to see Hollywood.

But she said she'd take me to

breakfast at the 4 Seasons.

Zooey Deschanel was there.

And Sally Draper,

the little girl from Mad Men.

It was pretty amazing.

Do you have family?

In Florida, that's where I'm from.

Agatha, um...

Can I ask about the burn?

Ah...

I was working in

a planetarium after school...

I was 12.

There was an electrical fire and

I ran into a store room.

Like a jerk...

Mm.... um... well...

This isn't a very glamorous job.

I'm not used to glamor.

Mm, you'd be like

mostly running errands, going shopping

and getting things fixed and...

Ms. Segrand, I would be

the most loyal, most competent,

most grateful personal assistant

you've ever had.

You don't have a car?

But you drive?

I have a valid Florida license.

Mm, we can rent you a car.

I think maybe...

Mustang, or something.

Carrie's so funny.

She knew I should meet you.

Do you know how my mother died?

No.

In a fire.

Oh.

Agatha.

I think you're beautiful.

And do you know

who looks just like you?

Inside?

Havana Segrand.

We got a request.

What is it?

Hollywood tour. Cash call.

Holly Prest Hotel.

On my school notebook.

On my desk and on the trees.

On the sand and in the snow,

I write your name.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends,

on every hand held out, I write your name.

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