Mardi Gras: Spring Break

Why don't you tell us about

your first Mardi Gras.

Well, it was the best Mardi Gras ever!

When we met, over 60 years ago, I was...

It was the Rex Parade.

I was in the Queen's court.

She was a beautiful princess.

Howie asked me to attend

a ball with him later that week.

I don't know what took him so long!

Well, I was nervous.

I'd never seen such a beautiful creature, ever.

I didn't give up the p*ssy till the fifth date.

Kept me waitin' three weeks.

I thought my balls were gonna explode!

They eventually did, all over my titties.

Love those titties, honey.

There they are, winkin' at me again.

Sweetheart, I love you.

Hey! That's all of 'em.

Only one thing left to do.

You sure about this?

Nope. But if this doesn't work,

I don't know what else will.

God be with us.

The social environment in contrast

to the natural environment

plays a key role in self-perception.

Your notes need some love.

Your arm needs some love.

You know, that's not

the only part of me that needs some love.

I hope we're thinking about the same part?

Otherwise what I have in mind

could be incredibly awkward.

For both of us.

I think we're gonna be okay.

There's a study group

at my apartment tonight.

Is your place quiet?

Should be. Doubt Bump and

Scottie have anything going on.

Party! Big party tonight!

Oh, my God.

4029 Walnut!

Beer and chips! It's gonna be huge!

Yes!

Everyone's gonna get laid!

Rock on!

- Did you know about this?

- No.

But it is definitely

gonna get worse before it gets better.

Please!

I'll help.

- Where's the music?

- It's not working.

- Do something!

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

Figure it out!

Party tonight! Yeah, yeah.

Gonna be sweet. Big party!

Fun times, right? Okay!

Rock on!

- Son of a b*tch!

- I got it!

What the f***?

It won't turn off.

Why is that even on there in the first place?

It's... It must've skipped to my bath mix.

You stupid b*tch, do something!

This is embarrassing!

I'm freezing and my cock is so small!

I look like a goddamn hamster!

F*** it.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

About how many

of you are there in this row?

Fifteen, is that something?

Gonna be beer!

Gonna be food, gonna be chicks, yeah!

- Hey, guys.

- Bump.

Hey. Erica, so...

We're having a big party

and you know,

you should bring all of your friends.

Only the hot ones!

Hey, so just take one and pass it down.

So I guess,

it's not gonna be quiet at your place after all.

It's hard to say.

Oops.

Let me get that for you, sweetheart.

No!

How have you been able

to put up with this since high school?

They're my best friends.

Think it might be time for an upgrade?

Just in case somebody didn't get one, okay?

Yeah.

Don't forget! Free booze!

Gonna be the greatest party of all time!

This is the worst party of all time.

Okay, guys, think I'm gonna call it a night.

Maybe go kill myself?

Come on, Bump!

Look on the bright side, man.

Least we got enough

booze and food to last us the rest of the year.

This is bullshit!

We're second semester seniors,

and look at us!

Well, what? What's wrong with us?

Not you, "us." Us, "us."

Yeah, the two of us

who don't have an incredibly hot girlfriend

who's gonna come over

and screw us any minute now.

Oh, come on! You guys don't have it so bad.

I mean, at least I've been laid.

Scottie's a goddamn

virgin who talks to his cock.

Okay, leave Max out of this.

I refuse to have a discussion

with a grown man who calls his penis Max.

It's his name, what else would I call him?

A worthless appendage that gets no poon?

I don't know how

our social lives at this college got

so shitty!

Well, maybe showing

your anus to everyone in Behavioural Psych

wasn't the best step forward.

This sucks.

I don't know how life could get any worse.

Despair. Destruction. Desolation.

Thankfully New Orleans

refused to give in to defeat,

and today the city thrives again.

Join us tomorrow night at 11:00

as our own J T LeBlanc

reports the rebuilding effort

that continues there today

even as the city

celebrates this festive Mardi Gras season.

That's it. That's what we have to do.

We should volunteer

in the Lower Ninth Ward?

Are chicks into that?

I'm talking about Mardi Gras.

This is the answer to all of our problems.

I can't go to Mardi Gras.

I think you guys

are missing the big picture here.

This is our chance

to make up for

all of the "almosts" and "never wases"

of the last four years.

Do you know what

I searched to get this page?

Mardi Gras!

This was the first page that came up.

Are we grasping that point?

Bump, look, I'd love to go.

I've got cousins that live down there.

But I'm not gonna just bail on Erica.

Mike! You're our wingman! We need you.

No!

Look, you don't have to do it for me.

You don't even have to do it for Scottie.

But think about poor little Max,

a ship before its virgin voyage.

Dry docked.

Never even been wet before.

Not even its little head.

- It's not little!

- Do it for Max.

Think of it

as Max's Mardi Gras.

The chicks!

My grandfather died.

Oh, my God, Erica!

I take it you came alone?

He meant so much to me.

I'll get a flight for the funeral.

No, no. I don't want you to do that.

I think I just need to be alone with my family.

Just for a couple days.

I understand.

Can I do anything?

You could give me a snuggle.

And you could TiVo American Idol?

Now she wants everything.

You are always there for me.

I'm so glad that I have a boyfriend like you.

You're my rock.

That's my job.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I love you, too, also.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your family's in our prayers.

I'll text you.

This is fantastic!

Dude! Her grandfather died.

And she'll be gone for days!

Lmagine a place, Michael, a magical place,

where a man and his beverage

can walk the streets unaccosted.

Where drunk, hot chicks come standard,

and delicious boobies, they grow on trees.

You guys hear that music?

So what's it gonna be?

I'll go if you go.

If I go, and you tell Erica...

Like she'd believe a word

I said anyway. Come on.

Well, I guess Scottie does need to get laid.

So?

- Let's go to Mardi Gras, boys!

- Yes!

Sorry about that.

So, look, guys,

I started mapping out a rough itinerary.

I... I was thinking

we could get tickets

to the Preservation Hall Jazz Band,

and if we have time, I'd love to take an

afternoon and go to the bayou.

There's this guy, Fred,

who's renting out airboats that...

Tits!

Wow, that hurricane

was worse than I thought!

We've been lied to!

This city's not thriving!

Guys...

Hey, Mike, thanks for paying, bud.

- Did I have a choice?

- No. No, you didn't.

But no worries, man.

These things are like heroin at Mardi Gras.

It's a strict jewels-for-b*obs operation.

You give a girl beads,

she shows you her delicious tits.

That's not cheating, right?

Last I checked, Mike,

seeing b*obs wasn't cheating.

It was just plain incredible.

What the hell are those?

- Bush beads.

- Bush beads?

They want these, they gotta show bush.

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