Martian Child

Uh... oh, no.

I suppose there's one

in every group, one oddball...

- who never fits in.

- Let's go get him.

- Come on!

- Yeah.

Well, that was me...

- Aah!

- David Gordon.

I found my escape

through my stories.

My imagination was a...

was like a rocket ship...

that took me far away

where I could look at life...

from a safe distance...

which, I guess, is what I...

I now do in my books.

As unlucky

as I was in childhood...

I was very, very lucky

as a writer.

Um, so instead of becoming a

well-adjusted, normal person...

I became a kind of a deranged,

successful person.

And I'm not sure

which is preferable...

but it doesn't really matter

'cause you don't get to choose.

But to answer your original

question more directly...

yes, I do believe

that in every work of fiction...

there is one character that,

for the author...

is in some ways

autobiographical...

and that certainly holds true

for Dracoban.

You know, like in a dream...

one character, um,

usually represents you...

but in this case,

it's not who you expect...

um, because, you see,

I'm not the human.

I'm the creature.

Is that good?

David.

Hey, Harlee.

Thought I might see you

here today.

Yeah. I thought

I might see you, too.

Sweet of you to come.

Yeah, I think...

I think we spent...

almost every single birthday

together since the third grade.

Hi, Somewhere.

Somewhere's happy to see you.

So what do you think, honestly?

Are you kidding?

I love the idea

of you adopting a child.

I think it's so beautiful...

for you to open up

your heart like that.

Liz thinks I'm crazy, you know?

I mean, what if she's right,

you know?

What if I'm...

What if I'm not up to it?

Let me tell you something.

My mother raised five kids,

and never, for one second...

did she question whether she

was cut out to be a parent.

And she was great, right?

No, the worst.

Her shrink has a house

in Laguna because of her.

Oh.

Just the fact that you're even

asking yourself the question...

pretty much proves

you're qualified.

Most people spend

more time worrying about...

how to raise tomatoes

than they do their own kids.

You even imagine how happy

Mary would be about this?

Yeah, but that's not

a good enough reason to do it.

You've got a lot of love

left in your heart.

You better come back here!

Hi, David. Hi.

Hi, Sophie.

It's been a long time.

Yeah, yeah, been a few years.

You look well.

Thanks. You, too.

Come on, throw the ball!

Just not ready to commit

to something like this.

I'm sorry.

Didn't you know I was gonna

ask you something like this?

Didn't want to say no

over the phone.

Right.

It didn't seem right.

I'm really sorry.

When girls go shopping...

Hi.

What's your name?

Esther.

Hi, Esther.

I know who you are.

You do?

You're the man who Sophie

called about Dennis...

but you don't want him

'cause your wife's dead.

Who told you that?

Dennis.

Are you a friend of his,

or what?

No. He's a weirdo.

He doesn't have any friends.

He doesn't?

Where is he hangin' out?

He's in the box.

He doesn't come out until night.

Why does he do that?

The sun. He hates the sun.

Why does he hate the sun?

I don't know.

Because he thinks it's too sunny?

Right.

I told him you were weird.

He is in the box.

Oh! Man! Ooh!

But I don't understand...

why did she call you

in the first place?

Well, she thought she had

found a good match for us.

Aren't, like, single men like

the bottom of the totem pole?

Hey, I am not a single man.

I am a widower...

and that is

the worst of all worlds.

I am in the ground

below the totem pole.

Oh, wow, you know what?

I think it was

really insensitive of her...

to call in the first place.

I mean,

it's only been two years.

- Oh! Oh!

- Hey!

- Guys, get off the dog.

- We're just playing.

- Yeah.

- Oh!

That dog is like

Would you do that to Grandma?

Guys, get off!

They drive me nuts,

and they're mine.

I mean, I don't know why

Mary even wanted to adopt.

Well, she was adopted herself

and, you know...

Yeah, but it was something

you were gonna do together...

- and, you know.

- Yeah. Yeah.

But, hey, it's not gonna happen.

You're like preaching

to the converted.

Okay. Good...

because here's a voice

from the trenches...

"Parenting is really hard. "

All right?

It's hard, and you need

at least two people.

Well, you know,

we had Mom and Dad.

We had two people,

and they hated being parents.

I'm just saying there

are no guarantees.

There's plenty

of single parents.

All right. Well, I don't want

to see you get hurt.

I mean, you could have

a kid of rage or something.

Kid of rage?

Yeah, well,

there was some TV movie...

and they were crazy.

Listen, I got to go take

The Omen One and Two...

to soccer practice, okay?

So just stay here.

You made the right choice.

That was a good decision, okay?

Have some coffee

or some food or something.

We have snacks.

Hey, I miss her, too.

Somewhere a dog barked...

and then he licked

his privates.

What do you think, Somewhere?

You think we could do it alone?

Huh?

Anybody home?

Uh, listen, Chief, I, uh...

I brought you some sun block...

very strong stuff.

SPF 45...

That's sun protection factor...

and, uh, helps you against

the ultraviolet rays...

which are... You know,

they call them the UV rays.

Anyway, it's hypoallergenic

and waterproof.

Just leave it for you.

Hi, Sophie, how you doin'?

Not bad.

You good?

Good.

Didn't expect

to see you back here.

Yeah, I wanted to bring

the kid some sun block.

Oh.

What was that?

It's his Polaroid.

He likes taking pictures.

There's no film in it.

He's just... ha...

likes taking pictures.

Hmm.

Just as a point of interest...

what made you think

I'd be a good match...

for a boy who spends

most of his time in a box?

He thinks

he's from another planet.

Yah! Aah!

Aah!

Yah! Unh!

- Cut!

- Looks great.

Looks great, guys.

Thank you.

- We're going in.

- So, buddy, what do you think?

Where is the pathos?

What?

Dude, where is the pathos?

The Earl of Dracoban is dying.

- This is a guy...

- Buddy!

Who has fought his way

across the galaxy.

Lastupon... Lastupon

was a blue dwarf

that became a red giant.

It's the red dwarf phase

of the giant.

What are you talk...

Look, I don't know

what I'm talkin' about.

But this I do know...

I see a production that is

honoring the world of your book.

Really,

takin' it very seriously.

That's what I see.

- Speaking of your book...

- Aah!

Guess who I got

a call from today.

Your publisher, our publisher.

- Tina.

- Tina.

Did she ask you how The Revenge

of Dracoban is coming?

No, she shouted it.

Ah.

You know what the problem is?

When I wrote the novel...

there's this giant massacre

at the end and everybody dies.

- I know.

- All the characters are dead.

I know. I sold it.

It's a problem.

That's great.

Let's move on

to the master scene.

What am I gonna tell Tina?

Tell Tina that somewhere in

the deepest, darkest bowels...

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