Mary Poppins Page #3

advertisement in The Times. Take this down please.

Mrs. Banks:

Yes, of course, dear.

Mr. Banks:

Wanted. Uh, no. Uh, required. Nanny: firm, respectable, no nonsense.

A British nanny must be a general

The future empire lies within her hands

And so the person that we need

To mold the breed

Is a nanny who can give commands

You getting this, Winifred?

Mrs. Banks:

Oh, yes, dear. Every word.

A British bank is run with precision

A British home requires nothing less

Tradition, discipline and rules must be the tools

Without them, disorder, catastrophe, anarchy

In short you have a ghastly mess

Mrs. Banks:

Splendid, George! Inspirational. The Times will be so pleased.

Jane:

Father?

Mr. Banks:

Yes?

Jane:

We've discussed everything, and we're very sorry about what we did today.

Mr. Banks:

I should certainly think so.

Jane:

It was wrong to run away from Katie Nanna.

Mr. Banks:

It was indeed.

Jane:

And we do so want to get on with the new nanny.

Mr. Banks:

Very sensible. I shall be glad to have your help in the matter.

Jane:

We thought you would. That's why we wrote this advertisement.

Mr. Banks:

Advertisement for what?

Jane:

For the new nanny.

Mr. Banks:

You wrote an advert--

Mrs. Banks:

George, I think we should listen.

Jane:

You said you wanted our help.

Mr. Banks:

But, I-- oh, very well.

Jane:

"Wanted:
a nanny for two adorable children."

Mr. Banks:

"Adorable." well, that's debatable, I must say.

Jane:

If you want this choice position

Have a cheery disposition

Mr. Banks:

Jane, I don't--

Jane:

Rosy cheeks, no warts

Michael:

That's the part I put in.

Jane:

Play games, all sorts

You must be kind you must be witty

Very sweet and fairly pretty

Mr. Banks:

Well, of all the ridic-

Mrs. Banks:

George, please!

Jane:

Take us on outings give us treats

Sing songs bring sweets

Never be cross or cruel never give us castor oil or gruel

Love us as a son and daughter

And never smell of barley water

Michael:

I put that in, too.

Jane:

If you won't scold and dominate us

We will never you give you cause to hate us

We won't hide your spectacles so you can't see

Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea

Hurry, nanny

Many thanks

Sincerely

Jane & Michael:

Jane and Michael Banks

Mr. Banks:

Thank you. Most interesting. And now I think we've had quite enough of this nonsense. Please

return to the nursery.

Mrs. Banks:

They were only trying to help. They're just children.

Mr. Banks:

I'm well aware they're just children, Winifred. I only congratulate myself that I decided to step in

and take a hand. "Play games, sing songs, give treats." Ridiculous. There's no question in my

mind whatsoever. Now is the time for action.

Give me The Times, please. No, I do not know the number.

Mrs. Banks:

Oh, George, you're always so forceful.

Mrs. Banks:

The Times? George Banks here. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. I wish to place an advertisement in your

column.

Admiral Boom:

Time gun ready?

Mr. Binnacle:

Ready and charged, sir.

Admiral Boom:

I'll take the report, Mr. Binnacle.

Mr. Binnacle:

The wind has changed, Sir. Seems to be comin' in from a new quarter.

Admiral Boom:

So it is.

Mr. Binnacle:

Sir?

Admiral Boom:

What is it?

Mr. Binnacle:

Bit of somethin' or other taking place off the port bow.

Admiral Boom:

Ghastly looking crew, I must say!

Ellen:

Coo! There's a fair queue of nannies outside, sir. Shall I show 'em in?

Mr. Banks:

Ellen, I said 8:
00, and 8:00 it shall jolly well be. You see? Twelve seconds to go. Ten, nine,

eight---

Mrs. Banks:

Posts! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!

Mr. Banks:

Ellen, it is now 8:00.

Ellen:

Yes, sir.

Mr. Banks:

But I have told you time and time again, Ellen, I dislike being hurried into things.

Jane:

I don't understand. They're not what we advertised for at all.

Michael, look!

Michael:

Perhaps it's a witch.

Jane:

Of course not. Witches have brooms.

It's her. It's the person. She's answered our advertisement.

Michael:

Rosy cheeks and everything.

Mr. Banks:

Ellen, you may now show them in, one at a time.

Ellen:

Yes, sir. You may come in one at a time.

Mary Poppins:

Thank you.

Ellen:

Oh.

Mary Poppins:

You are the father of Jane and Michael Banks, are you not? I said, you are the father of Jane

and Michael Banks.

Mr. Banks:

Well, well ye-- yes, of course, I mean. Uh-- you brought your references, I presume. May I see

them?

Mary Poppins:

Oh, I make it a point never to give references. A very old-fashioned idea to my mind.

Mr. Banks:

Is that so? We'll have to see about that then, won't we?

Mary Poppins:

Now then, the qualifications. "Item one: a cheery disposition." I am never cross. "Item two: rosy

cheeks." Obviously. "Item three: play games, all sorts." Well, I'm sure the children will find my

games extremely diverting.

Mr. Banks:

May I? Eh, this paper? Where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.

Mary Poppins:

Excuse me. "Item four: you must be kind." I am kind, but extremely firm. Have you lost

something?

Mr. Banks:

Ah! Yeah. That paper, you see. I thought that I--

Mary Poppins:

You are George Banks, are you not?

Mr. Banks:

What?

Mary Poppins:

And you did advertise for a nanny, did you not?

Mr. Banks:

George Banks.

Mary Poppins:

Very well then.

Mr. Banks:

I tore it up, turned it over. Tore it up again and threw it in there. Yes.

Mary Poppins:

I beg your pardon. Are you ill?

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