Matando Cabos

Did you hear the one|about the Chinese cook?

Which one? The one about|the guy who drowned?

No, no. That's the one|in the golf course.

The Chinese cook's story is great.|Here it goes.

They're in the best restaurant|in town having dinner.

They were sitting|at the best table.

I don't have to tell you, but Oscar Cabos|is sitting in the middle.

Were there any broads?

No, it wasn't that kind of dinner.|It was a business dinner...

...transactions, millions of dollars.

What were they having?

What were they having?|I don't know, that's not important.

What's important is|who was sitting there.

There were politicians,|millionaires, all of them...

...important people. In fact,|I think that the owner...

...of the biggest computer software|company was there, too.

In the middle of dinner,|Oscar Cabos decides to tell a joke.

...And I had never seen|a guy so deep inside.

Was it any good?

No. As a matter of fact,|it sucked.

So why were they laughing?

Because if Oscar Cabos tells a joke,|you better laugh.

Everyone laughed.|Even the Chinese cook was laughing

and that moron didn't understand|a damn thing.

But thats not the point.|The point is that suddenly...

Ank-you.

Ank-you.

Ahnkyou, ahnkyou, ahnkyou.

What?

What the f*** is ahnkyou,|you piece of sh*t?

Ahnkyou.

Nobody knew that the cook had only|been in the country for two days

and the only thing he could|say was "thank you".

And... obviously not very well.

Why do you keep thanking me,|you sorry little motherf***er?

Ahnkyou, ahnkyou, ahnkyou.

KILLING CABOS:

Two days later, with injuries|to his back and ribs,

a broken arm and a face|burned to a crisp,

he went back to The Orient.

Hey, why do they call it The Orient?

Because thats what its called.

No way. I've never heard|anyone call it that.

'Cause everyone you hang out with|doesn't know how to speak well.

I hang out with you.

Right. And I'm telling you,|its The Orient.

All right. So, tell me the one|about the golf course?

Sh*t, man. That one is a real trip.|That guy is really crazy.

He had been playing golf all day.|He was in the last hole.

He was about to beat his own record,

which was probably a joke anyway,|but he was really concentrating.

Hey. You got any toilet paper?

I'm telling you a story, man.

Yes, I know. And I'm really into it,|but there's no paper here.

There's none in here either.

- Check the other stall.|- You go and check.

Give me a break.|You're much closer.

And see if he has any aspirin, okay?|I have a headache.

Yeah, right. Where?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, why is this half-naked,|unconscious guy sitting

on a toilet, listening to these|ridiculous anecdotes

from these two morons?

Well, I have no idea.

All I know is that snot-nosed|brat had it in for me

since I walked in on him|kissing my daughter.

I understand kids.

And I asked him nicely|to leave my house...

...and next time to go to a hotel.

I tried to be kind rather than to cause|trouble with an employee.

It wasn't worth it.

I chose to discuss things with him...

...and I tried to make him|understand that it is unwise...

...to date the boss's daughter.

Because its usually the source|of a few problems.

And I thought he understood.

But apparently I was wrong.

I was working in my office when|he busted in without knocking.

Come in.

I thought he wanted to discuss|things or offer an apology.

But that scoundrel came|in to attack me.

After realizing that neither|his insults nor provocations...

...were getting to me,|the little tough guy started...

punching me|when I was distracted.

And on top of it that a**hole|started laughing at me.

No, sir.

Sir?

What I don't understand

is why the f***ing pervert|took my clothes off.

I still don't understand why you|took his clothes off, f***ing pervert.

I didn't take his clothes off,|God damn it!

Really? So this guy works|in his underwear?

And when I got back,|he was already half-naked.

Is he dead?

No way. Well, I don't know.

Check him out.

But why take his clothes off?

Who knows?

There are lots of sick people|out there.

Good night, sir.

If only I could be...

...a wealthy man.

If only just to feel...

...like any other millionaire.

If only I could see...

...through a thousand|television sets...

...what you're doing,

I need to be...

...another millionaire.

To see the same place...

...in hundreds and thousands|at a time.

But more than living in comfort...

...I want your love and nothing else...

Are you sure he always|leaves at this hour?

I've been checking him for a month.|He always does it.

Where's the bat?

Right here.|And I also have the bag.

Relax.

I've done this a thousand times.

Thats why you hired me, right?

Why so nervous?

I'm not nervous, idiot.

I'm careful.|There's a difference.

I'm precise.

And why?

Because thats how|I've always been.

Because doing things right|got me where I am now.

All right, all right.|Calm down.

I hope you know what you're doing.

What I'm doing?

I know perfectly well what I'm doing.

Let me show you something.

Its my father.

You want to talk about|someone with big balls?

This man.

He knows the meaning|of hard work.

Not like the a**hole|we're about to grab.

He made sacrifices for us|working for a f***ing prick.

A dictator.

Twenty years.

Twenty years without getting an ounce|of respect every single day.

Every day.

And he's still hanging on.

I could take care of him.|But he's a proud man.

And you know what?

He has an honorable job.

Did you understand|anything I just said?

He won't be long now.

Here.

- What do we do with him?|- What do you mean what do we do?

Nothing. We leave him here|and good-bye.

Kiss my ass. If we leave him here,|the guy is going to fire me.

He's going to send me to jail,|then he's going to kill me.

He's going to fire you anyway.|You f***ed his daughter.

- I told you not to go back to work.|- Why?

- Because he kicked your ass.|- It wasn't that bad.

Okay, it was that bad.

But first of all, I didn't f*** her.|She f***ed me.

Scream, piggy, scream.

Number two, f***ing his daughter|and leaving him here

in his underwear ain't the same thing.|Give me a f***ing break!

Why don't we get him out of here|and wait for him to wake up?

We talk things over|and, I don't know...

...we convince him not|to do anything to us.

What do you mean, to us?

Come on, man. You know.|Not to do anything to us.

I didn't do anything.

Excuse me, but you just took a dump|next to him while he was unconscious.

But he doesn't know that|I took a dump next to him.

But you did. Dude, don't tell me|you're not going to help me.

Give me a break, dude.|Give me a hand.

Lets see.

You f***ing prick!

Calm down!

Calm down, man!|Take it easy!

Help me get him up, man.

Help me out!

Lets go.

- Trunk.|- What?

What 's the matter with you?|Do you want him on the roof?

If they see us with this a**hole|we're in big f***ing trouble!

I know, man.

I mean, he owns|this f***ing building!

Sh*t. We're going to get busted.

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