Material Girls Page #5

MAN 2:
There they are.

(HORN HONKING)

REPORTER 1:
What do I press?|REPORTER 2: Come, follow me.

- Four, three, two, one.|- Ava, come on.

This is Brad Tibe at E! And I'm actually|following the Marchetta sisters

right here in downtown Los Angeles!

Come on. Hurry.

(GROANS)

- Ava.|- I think it's broken.

You have to leave it.

- No.|- Leave it.

- No.|- Yes.

- Rick.|- Get in.

REPORTER:
Can I get|a statement from you?

- Is it true your cosmetics cause cancer?|- No.

Come on! Give me an E! Exclusive!

AVA:
It should be on the left.

TANZIE:
Thanks.|RICK: You're welcome.

Yeah.

It's so windy.

- Thanks.|- Sure.

Rick, you were amazing.

We owe you bigtime.

And I never welch on a debt,

despite what you might read|in the papers.

Don't worry. I'll collect on that later.

And I never believe|what I read in the papers.

Good.

Bye.

Jeez. Tanz.

- He's a parking attendant.|- He's cute.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Los Angeles Free Legal Clinic.

Hi. Remember us?

Can we have a word with you|in your office?

You're looking at it.

But this is a really|embarrassing emergency.

I'm sorry. My private suite's being redone.|It's either here or the janitor's closet.

Okay, we need a lawyer.

A free lawyer.

Wait a second.

You two want me|to work for you pro bono?

- But you're rich.|- Haven't you been watching TV?

- We're destitute.|- I don't watch TV.

Besides, you're not destitute.|I mean, come on,

- you've got cars and houses.|- Yeah. We sort of burned the house down.

And our car got stolen.

Besides, everything we own|belongs to the company.

And they wanna sell us to Fabiella.

- For only $60 million.|- Each.

- TANZIE:
Obviously, we need help.|- Look.

This is a place where|underprivileged people come for help.

Not privileged people|who don't wanna sell their company.

But our privilege got taken away from us.

Yeah! And don't you think that it's fishy|that Fabiella wants to buy us,

and then this scandal|just falls into her lap?

Yeah, but sh*t happens.

I mean, it's a coincidence|that I can't pay my phone bill

on the same day|that my student loan is overdue.

But that's the way it is.

Look, if Fabiella wants to buy|your company, why don't you just sell it?

Then you'll have all your money,|and everything'll be fine.

Henry, money doesn't buy happiness.

- I know that. Do you?|- I don't know, but that's not the point.

The point is that

we don't want our father's reputation|to just go down in ruins.

- And we need somebody to be on our side.|- Yeah.

What it sounds like you guys really need|is a private investigator to look into this.

Well, do they have|pro bono private investigators?

No. They're actually pretty pricey.

Look, you guys might want|to look into getting a job.

In the meantime,|I can look into some of the legalities here.

Yes!

She has a degree|in Medieval Literature from Harvard.

She'll make a great addition|to your staff at Medieval Times.

Yeah. Happy jousting.

(SNEEZES)

- Oh, God.|- Bless you.

You girls have your rsums?

We had headshots,|but we lost them in the fire.

Okay.

Doris, do you have any Motrin?

What are your skills, girls?

We can dance. You mean, like dancing?|We're really good dancers.

No, I mean, like, can you type?

Can we type? We're good.

We can do, like, ten IMs a minute.

- See?|- Yeah. Great.

Listen, girls. I don't think|that you need an employment agency.

I think you girls need an|unemployment agency and a typing class.

(SNEEZES)

Feel better.

I cannot believe|we didn't get our unemployment money.

I mean, we've never even been employed.

Shouldn't that mean|that we would get more unemployment?

What a tragedy.

Right up there with the federal deficit.

You know, maybe we should launch|a congressional probe, huh?

And my feet hurt so bad.|I need new shoes.

How am I supposed to get new shoes|without unemployment money?

Hey, you wanna try my Easy Spirits?

You know, my cousin Costanza,

she walked all the way here|from Colombia in a pair of those.

- Really?|- No, but they're very comfortable.

Okay, you guys,|enough with the shoe talk already.

What are we supposed to do|about money?

Well, how about Sassy Maids?|They're always hiring people.

- Ava.|- Well, I guess not.

But do you know what, girls?|I don't work for you anymore.

So, while I am cleaning up|after bulimics in Bel Air,

I really would appreciate|a little bit of help around here.

See you later.

(CHA TTERING ON TV)

This doesn't seem like it's doing anything.

This is enough to make me go vegan.

He's in this water dispute,

of papers just from all kinds of places.

You know, it would probably be easiest...

Wow. It is amazing what you can do|with a really good push-up bra.

We should do that, Ava.

- Do what? Start wearing push-up bras?|- No.

Become investigators.|Then we won't have to pay anyone.

You were the one that said you wanted|to get your hands on those files.

Yes. Let's do it.

- Investigators.|- Yeah.

Inez was right. These babies are amazing.

They're so comfortable.

I'm never gonna wear Jimmy Choos again.

Bite your tongue.

These are gonna be my investigator shoes.

Just gotta get my size.

- Hi, Pam.|- Oh! You girls look nice.

Really? We're wearing|our charity hand-outs.

Fantastic.

- I'm taking off. Hey!|- Hi.

- Is something wrong?|- No, no, no.

We just came to help out and see if,|you know, anybody needed anything.

PAM:
Tommy Katzenbach's office.

I wish I could stay awhile,|but damage control.

Fabiella's on line 1.|She'd like to speak to the girls.

- No.|- Talk to her.

- I think you go.|- TANZIE: No, no.

Now she's gonna know|we're fighting about her.

No.

You, you, talk to her.

Hi, Fabiella.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

How are you?

- I've been so concerned. Are you well?|- We're fine.

Good.

I'd like you to come to the office|tomorrow for a little chat.

Businesswoman to businesswomen.

Katzenbach, too, of course.

I'll send my car.

I'll see you at 1:00.

What?

- No!|- What?

- No way!|- What?

I am not going anywhere near|that crazy's office. No.

- Maybe we should go.|- Ava?

Whatever you think, you know.

- We should go see what she has to say.|- It's up to you, if you wanna go.

- Have you seen Tanzie and Ava?|- No, I think they left.

Oh, thank God.

I asked them to change that toner|in the copier.

And they said, "Why does it need a toner?|Does a copy machine have large pores?"

I think that's a perfectly|reasonable question.

por favor.

(TANZIE SPEAKING SPANISH)

Oh, I look disgusting.

- And you got super serious.|- It's a disguise.

You know, I don't know why we didn't|just ask for the Everdew test files.

Okay, rule number one: Don't trust anyone.

That's true when it comes|to dating B-list TV stars and in business.

- Walk like Lucy.|- Yep.

Ava? Come on.

- Hold on, they should be right here.|- Well, they're not. So, can we just go?

Come on, I'm geeking out here.

My autonomic nervous system|is launching stress hormones.

Come on, you know the biochemistry|calms me down. Come on!

They're not in here.|Maybe they're still in Tommy's office.

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