Me and Earl and the Dying Girl Page #6

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I have ever known was...

...during my period of

quarantine in the Amazon.

Where I

and a half dozen other...

...unfortunates

had nothing to watch...

...but the bristling,

leviathan tarantula...

...bunched up on

the rotting, flimsy thatch...

...perhaps eight feet

above our faces.

Spiders the size of your fist.

Their fangs glistening

with venom and...

...their thousand-fold

black eyes

shining dully in the gloom.

In the darkness,

you would hear

the sudden anguished hiss...

...of a spider being struck

by an adult leopard wasp...

...and in their

mortal struggle,

they would plummet

to one's bed...

...biting and stinging

and thrashing...

You know that you can

smoke a hornet?

Okay, so just look at me

when you answer the questions.

Don't worry

about the camera, all right?

Okay, Denise.

Tell me a little

about Rachel's birth.

Uh, Rachel's birth.

What an ordeal that was.

Greg, just...

let me tell you one thing.

I was a really good mom

to her, you know?

I really was.

Some single moms,

their kids grow up too fast...

...but I always tried to

protect Rachel from that.

I did my very best

to protect her from...

...growing up too quickly,

you know?

Right.

And now,

I'm learning that there are...

protect your kid from,

you know?

No matter what you do,

you just...

So, did she have

any favorite toys?

Before I answer that question,

this is serious...

...so use your ears

and listen to me.

I want you

to promise me something

as I care about you.

You gotta promise me you're

not gonna have a baby...

...unless you're ready to love

that baby's mother

your whole life...

...and this is serious.

I'm telling you something

that nobody's gonna tell you.

Don't pick a girl

who's push-pull, you know?

You wanna pick somebody

who's gonna love you...

...and not forget you,

and not...

...leave you for someone

with a big, fat ass.

So, no favorite toy.

Um...

Oh, you want to know what?

Here's a favorite toy.

Scissors.

When Rachel's father

first left...

...she gathered up

all his books,

...and she rounded 'em up

and she cut them right up.

Please, don't tell her

I'm telling you,

she would chop my head off.

But she just...

And I was, like, "Atta girl."

Snip, snip, snip.

She was very mad.

Can we take a little break

and have a little taste?

You boys are old enough

to have a little taste, right?

Can we take a teeny break,

just have a little taste?

Oh, yeah, that's a good boy.

Greg, will you join us?

Oh, I'm okay.

Oh, come on,

don't be a party pooper!

Now we can get back

to our interview.

So, basically,

this whole setup

is so that, you know...

...I can talk to you,

you can talk to me...

...and I can see you,

and you can see me.

Except it's not really me,

it's a phone.

And I know that

sounds kind of weird,

but it's not.

So, anyway, just treat it

like a get-well card,

you can look into the lens.

And, uh...

Yeah, it's a video,

so you know...

...don't think about it

too hard,

but just make it good.

Start whenever you're ready.

Hi, Rachel.

I guess I don't really

know you that well...

...but I believe in you.

You can do it.

That's real nice, yo.

It's so sweet

that your boyfriend

is doing this for you.

He must really love you.

Girl, that ain't her boyfriend.

Oh.

I know you're Jewish,

but I just wanted you to know

that God has a plan for you.

You seem like

a really cool person.

I know we don't really talk.

But you've got

a lot of friends. And, uh...

Out of all the people

in this school,

I don't hate you.

I believe in you

and you can do it.

You can do it.

I believe in you.

You can do it.

Damn.

So again,

if this was a touching,

romantic story...

...we'd obviously fall in love

and she'd say all the wise,

beautiful things...

in life's twilight or whatever.

And then she'd die in my arms.

But again,

that's not what happened.

She just got quieter.

And unhappier.

So, how are you?

For real.

For real?

Feeling like

you might have been right.

Right when?

Back in October.

When you thought I was dying.

Well, I mean,

I regret thinking that.

Don't regret it.

What is that noise?

It's Regretful Polar Bear.

Polar Bears have

the purest expression

of regret in the animal kingdom.

Just listen to how haunting

and plaintive they sound.

Don't make me laugh.

Please. It kinda hurts.

All right.

Kind of a monster

silence in here.

Yeah.

It's okay to just be silent

for a while.

Look,

I know you're really

bracing for this sweet girl...

...that you probably

like a lot to die.

Just please bear with me.

She doesn't. She gets better.

I promise.

Pretty much all I remember

from that winter...

...is working on

that stupid film...

that made some kind of sense...

...and knowing the whole time

that I couldn't...

to make the thing

we wanted to make...

...but it wasn't

possible for us.

That was

an entire winter of my life.

I mean, obviously,

I remember visiting Rachel too.

Sometimes she talked,

and sometimes,

she didn't want to.

When she didn't want to,

I talked.

Or we watched movies.

Sometimes, she laughed.

Sometimes, she didn't.

What I don't remember

is doing schoolwork.

I did literally zero

schoolwork during this time.

Not figuratively.

Literally zero schoolwork.

That's actually

sort of hard to do.

So, what's going on at school?

Well, right now,

the whole school looks like a castle...

...'cause everyone's

getting ready

for Medieval Prom.

I guess everyone's trying

to figure out how to, like...

...twerk medievally?

Are you going?

No, of course not.

You should go.

No way!

Have you seen me in a tux?

It's like when they make

a dog wear human clothes.

Have you seen that?

It just makes you

really sad to look at.

Oh, and I don't have

anyone to go with.

So there's that.

Unless...

...you know...

you wanted to...

Greg, I'm not going to prom.

I mean, you totally could.

It could be like a,

s-, awesome statement.

Hey, uh...

When are you guys

finishing your movie?

You don't know we're working

on a movie right now.

You don't have to pretend.

Earl told me you guys

were making a movie for me.

God, yeah...

I guess he probably did.

I was just asking, because...

Goddamn it, Earl! Ugh.

It was just, it was

supposed to be a surprise!

You know? It's taking forever

because we really want

to get it right, and...

I'm probably gonna

stop treatment pretty soon.

What?

It just isn't

doing me any good.

All it's doing

is making me sicker.

Yeah, but it...

I mean, if you stop, then...

Well, we'll just

see what happens.

Well, we know

what's gonna happen, right?

I know who

you can take to prom.

Who?

This sexy pillow here.

Oh, my God, can you just...

Ooh, Greg,

this pillow's name is Francesca.

Don't joke,

I can't deal with that.

She's a filthy Italian woman.

Please, stop!

Don't yell at me.

So, that's it?

Just, to hell with college,

to hell with growing up?

Greg, don't.

Rachel, what the hell

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