Meet the Feebles Page #2

Oh, rather!

Ok son, I'll give you one minute.

Impress me.

It's one of my own compositions.

It's called:

"Glad to Be a Guppy".

I'm a fishy little fellow

with a scaly sort of skin...

and I frolic in the shadows

when the tide is coming in.

Is something the matter,

Mr. Bletch?

I think I've got a cavity

in a rear molar.

Would you mind

having a look for me?

Oh, Certainly.

It's right at the back.

Oh, it's awful dark in here!

Went down a treat, all right.

Heh, heh!

Hello, Lucille.

You may not remember me.

My name is Robert

and I'd just like to say that...

you're the most pretty girl

I've ever met.

I was wondering if you would like

to go to the movies tomorrow night.

Those flowers are for you!

Maybe I should give her

the flowers first.

Gorblimey!

The poor little blighter's smitten!

Hi, these flowers are for you.

They are white roses.

I hope you like them.

You may not remember me,

but my name is Robert.

I was wondering if you'd like

to go to the movies.

I tried on the lace camisole

and it fitted perfectly.

Hi, my name is...

movies...

I'd like to Robert you with...

Here Rob old son.

Come on in for a cup of tea.

When are we due on the course?

One o'clock sharp.

It's all arranged.

How's your handicap, Barry?

She's at home baking a cake, boss.

Heavens, Heidi!

You haven't been exercising,

have you?

All that excess flab must put

a terrible strain on your heart.

If you're referring to my muscle tone,

it's never been better.

You must have awful trouble

buying clothes.

Still, at your age I suppose

you might as well let your figure go.

How dare you insult me, you,

you cheap p*ssy?

You shuddering great herbivore!

No wonder Bletch can't stand

the sight of you!

You're lying!

He loves me!

- He detests you!

- That's not true!

You bore him to tears and

you're awful in bed.

It's me he wants.

He can't get enough of me.

Liar!

If you weren't so stupid...

you'd know we've been

having an affair for months.

You liar!

You liar!

Hey, good one!

You showed her!

Right, Robbie.

Now you got everything I told you.

She's in there now,

so you give it your best shot.

Are you sure that this is a good

idea?

She'll love it.

You are my amour, what I adore.

Oh Lucille!

This is the way that I must say

how my heart feels!

Oh, Lucille!

Oh, Lucille!

Oohh, Luc... ciii!

Keep going, keep going!

It's magic!

Under the light

of the Spanish moon...

it's for love that I croon this tune,

Lucille...

Lucille...

Lucille...

I'm terribly sorry.

You must think I'm an idiot.

I should never have done this.

I promise you,

I shan't ever bother you again.

Robert... wait!

How did you know

I love flamenco?

That were beautiful,

just beautiful.

Oh, God!

How did you get in?

Oh, no!

Not the cold cream!

I told you guys before,

stay out of my room!

Stay out!

Flipping heck!

What am I going to do now?

It took me six months

to train that lot.

Not a bad little meat pattie.

Good shot, boss!

Your shot, Cedric!

O thought I told you

to wipe my clubs.

Take that you bastard!

Sh*t!

I'm on form today!

It's a lovely course.

I'm tempted to join

the club myself.

No chance of that,

I'm afraid, Cedric.

You mean they discriminate

against Scots?

No, we just don't like a**holes

in the clubhouse.

Sid, it's really decent of you

to have me in for a lager...

after today's little mishap.

No hard feelings Arthur.

It's just my bad luck.

This sort of thing is

always happening to me.

Did I tell you Sanyd's slapping

a paternity suit on me?

Is that right?

Yeah, she reckons that kid

she dropped is mine.

I'd like to see her prove it, though.

She's slept with half the chorus.

Has he?

She hasn't slept with me.

Oh, no.

I wasn't suggesting anything.

Like you're a mate, Arthur.

I know I can trust you.

Oh, Christ,

here she comes now.

Sidney, the date's been

set down as the 16th.

If you don't appear in court,

it'll be held over until the 21st...

at which time you'll be compelled

to provide a blood sample.

Sandy, why did you bring it here?

It's not mine!

You know it's not!

We'll let the court decide that,

shall we?

It's got your eyes, Sid.

You want a slice of the action

but you're not acting...

You want a slice of the action

but you don't want to pay the price...

You're going to end up in traction

if you don't take my advice.

You want a piece of the pie...

but you don't want

to share with me...

You want a piece of that pie...

but you'll never get

nothing for free.

You better watch what you say...

'cause that ain't my recipe.

I'm hip to your lip...

you'll see...

You're just a low-down snake

with a two-time repartee.

I'm hip to your jive,

but it don't sound hip to me.

Say, who is that dame?

That's Heidi.

Ain't she something?

She's only been here a week

and already she's packing the joint.

With a voice like that

she's going to go places!

You want a hot potato,

but baby you're just too cold.

You want a hot potato

to go with your sausage roll.

Don't look at me baby,

I'm much too hot to hold.

I'm hip to your lip...

you'll see...

Yeah!

Thank you!

From the gentleman

with the red carnation.

So, you're from the East?

I hear they've got some

great swamps out that way.

What's a cute young think like you

doing in the big smoke?

I'm not so young.

In two years I'll be eighteen.

Really?

But you're so well developed...

Vocally, I mean.

My singing teachers said

I've enormous lung power.

I like your style, Heidi.

- Really?

- You've got a lot of class.

But that sometimes ain't enough.

I seen a lot of girls like you

ruined in this town.

You need to make

the right connections...

and that's where I can help.

Are you a producer?

I am to be the best goddam producer

this town has ever seen.

I got the contacts,

I got the capital...

what I need is what you got:

Talent!

Heidi, I want to manage you.

But...

I don't even know who you are!

They call me Bletch!

Bletch!

What a lovely name!

Tell me Heidi...

do those lips kiss as good

as they sing?

Bletch!

Very nice, Mr. Bletch.

Perhaps you'd like to inspect

my range of clubs.

It's good gear,

I can assure you.

O that I have no doubts.

It's good stuff boss.

When can we expect delivery?

Meet Louie in the alleyway

at six.

Sorry.

A touch of the ptomaine.

It must be all this fresh air.

It gives me hay fever.

Bad luck old chap!

What the?

My apologies Cedric!

I had a bone stuck in my throat.

My game, I think.

Sh*t!

Did I pass the audition,

Mr. Bletch?

Oh, harder Harry, oh!

Oh, yes, yes, oh!

Harry!

All those carrots

make me good in the dark.

But it feels so good!

They don't call it "bunnylingus"

for nothing, sweetheart.

What about me?

Are you going to service me too?

Sure, climb on up and

I'll give you a valve grind.

Hey!

Hold on a moment!

What's going on?

I can't see.

Goddamn pervert!

Who was it, Harry?

Just a little creep

with a bad case of jizm pressure.

How's your jizm pressure,

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