Melinda and Melinda

The essence of life isn't comic.

lt's tragic.

There's nothing intrinsically funny

about the terrible facts of human existence.

l disagree. Philosophers call it absurd

because, in the end, all you can do is laugh.

Human aspirations

are so ludicrous and irrational.

l mean, if the underlying reality

of our being was tragic,

my plays would make more than yours,

because my stories would resonate

more profoundly with the human soul.

l mean, it's exactly because tragedy

hits on the truly painful essence of life

that people run to my comedies for escape.

No, no.

Tragedy confronts. Comedy escapes.

Look, you guys,

what are we discussing here?

ls there a deeper reality in comedy or

tragedy? Who can make such ajudgment?

Look, let me tell you a story and you tell me,

is it material for a comedy or a tragedy?

This happened to some people l know.

lt's a small dinner party. The hosts

are trying to impress one of their guests.

Suddenly the doorbell rings and out of

nowhere an unexpected person shows up.

- A man or a woman?

- A woman. l'll give you the details

and you tell me comedy or tragedy.

So, the guest enters and

everyone is surprised, especially the host.

Turns out she's got a particular problem...

My God, that's quite amusing.

l mean, she barges in unannounced

while they're eating.

What you told us

would make a very good romantic comedy.

- Because you see the world comically.

- You're missing the tragic implications.

The entanglement it suggests.

No, l see the whole thing quite differently.

l see this lone figure -

a woman who's maybe just come off a bus.

She's toting a suitcase. Maybe

she's searching nervously for an address.

Hello?

Who is it?

Hello?

Hello?

- Can l help you, miss?

- The Springers.

Top floor.

- lt's really good.

- These speakers are wonderful.

You do pick up

every little nuance of the orchestra.

Tell me again

why l can't have a glass of wine?

Every pregnancy,

she asks the same question.

This is the ''Concerto in D''.

Yes. My God,

you really know your Stravinsky.

This would be good theme music for the play.

- Lee?

- That's a brilliant idea.

l need a little help with the final touches.

- Can you get the two big serving dishes?

- l'm running out of obsequious banter.

- How's it going?

- He thinks l'm perfect for the part.

The goddamn producer

wants more of a name.

l don't understand why they make

such a big deal. lt's not like it's the lead.

My first audition went better.

l don't know what happened.

- And l know it's not the lead, Laurel.

- Doesn't he have any clout?

They want a name. l'm not a name.

You didn't marry a name.

- Sally said how much she loves your place.

- How long are you here?

Six months, and we're still not finished.

We have to furnish slowly

cos we used up all our money.

We could not go on in that one-bedroom.

The piano ate up the living room.

We're living beyond our means. l get nervous.

Laurel is certain God will provide.

- They're poor, but happy.

- Definitely poor.

- What do you do, Peter?

- l'm a lawyer. No jokes, please.

Think the music's a little too loud?

l saw you listening to the Mahler and crying.

You should have seen her.

She was listening to Mahler

with tears streaming down her face.

She looked so beautiful. l wanted to hug her.

Yeah. But l had to get up early

and film a deodorant commercial.

That's work at least, right?

l think someone rang before. Did you hear?

- So, how do you all know each other?

- We grew up together, Cassie and l.

We were those little girls at school

with the plaid skirts.

- And Lee and l met at Northwestern.

- He was the star actor, the handsome athlete.

Everybody wanted him. But Laurel got him.

- Melinda?

- Hi.

Melinda?

- Hi, Melinda, hi.

- My goodness.

God.

Cassie.

l'm stunned.

Here, let me take these.

God, look at you. You look so...

No, don't. Don't say what you're thinking of.

l've been on a bus.

l've been on a Greyhound bus since Tuesday,

so l'm sure l look like

the wreck of the Hesperus.

A bus from where?

l mean, what are you doing here?

l've moved around.

l had to keep moving.

Events unfolded

in such a way that...

ls it all right if l smoke?

l just feel a little nervous

barging in on you like this.

Why don't you sit down and eat with us?

This is Jack and Sally Oliver.

- Hi.

- Hi.

l'm Melinda Robicheaux.

l've gone back to my mother's name.

lt's French. She was Parisienne.

You must have dropped

off the goddamn moon.

- Shall l get a chair?

- l could use a drink.

Champagne or white wine.

The truth is,

l've gotten very used to single malt Scotch.

An acquaintance of mine

introduced me to it, so...

l really should freshen up, though.

lf l could just get a single malt Scotch, and...

Look at me. Jesus. l need a hot shower.

Yeah. OK, please...

Excuse us. Please start.

This is so unexpected.

l'll say.

- You had no hint she was coming?

- She was nuts then, and she's nuts now.

- Did you see the look in her eyes?

- She's been on a bus.

You were asking how we know each other.

Melinda is the third musketeer.

We went to school together.

- We haven't heard from her in ages.

- Yeah. She's had personal difficulties.

She said she'd be coming to New York from...

l can't remember, Chicago or lndiana,

and could we put her up?

Laurel said, ''Sure.'' l myself...

This is not the time to discuss this.

Let's just eat and change the subject.

Well, what can you do? We've all had friends

drop in unannounced. Remember your aunt?

l put up an extra bed. l fix up the room for her.

She doesn't show when she says she will.

So we try to contact her

and there's no trace of her.

Two months later, she calls up unannounced

in the middle of a frigging dinner party.

- Am l unreasonable?

- No, no!

You're missing the whole point. You have the

makings of a delightful human comedy here.

You missed the humour in everything.

l see a sweet, tree-lined block

on the Upper East Side.

lt's a dinner party. The husband is fawning

over his guest. He's a moviemaker.

No, wait.

Here's the idea. Make the film director the

wife. He's just her out-of-work actor husband.

She's trying to impress the guest

and raise the money for an independent film.

l just told Jennifer that Steve is interested

in investing in Susan's next movie.

Yeah. l have most of the money. l've just

been trying to get it going now for two years.

l liked your first picture.

Would you do this one on video too?

No. That was just because

we only had $300,000.

- This one will be on 35mm for sure.

- Well, how much do you need?

l've raised about four million

and we need another two million.

The problem is the theme is controversial.

- What's the theme?

- Well, let's put it this way.

lt's a mostly all-female cast

and it's called The Castration Sonata.

- Do you happen to have single malt Scotch?

- You know, let me check.

- Hurry. l'm running out of obsequious banter.

- Don't throw me. Everything's timed.

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