Melinda and Melinda Page #2

Chilean sea bass and caramelised filo

is not like scrambled eggs.

Well, he happens to love it. Does he love it

$2 million worth? God, l hope so.

l told you we should keep single malt Scotch.

- Who drinks it?

- He does.

God, you're definitely going all out.

You're dressed very sexy.

- Hobie, keep your eyes on the sea bass!

- OK, OK, OK.

She goes down to buy

a bottle of single malt Scotch.

Are you OK?

Yeah, l'm fine.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Here we go. These are

Coquilles St Jacques with cinnamon.

And we're having sea bass in a caramelised

filo pastry, lightly dusted with lime powder.

- Did someone send you a yuppie cookbook?

- Susan says you're a wonderful chef.

l'm an out-of-work actor.

Who's that?

- Hi.

- Hi.

l'm sorry. l hope l'm not intruding.

No, it's OK.

l've been having a kind of bad time

and l just took some sleeping pills.

- Sleeping pills?

- How many?

- 28.

- Whoa! Call 911.

Stay and just eat. lt's gonna get cold.

Sit. Just stay and eat.

lt's OK. lt's OK.

- Hobie, make some black coffee.

- OK, OK.

l'm allergic to coffee,

but do you have any vodka?

- Vodka?

- Maybe we should call a doctor.

lt's OK.

l just need something to calm my nerves.

- Do you live in this building?

- l've been subletting for a month.

- Somebody call a doctor.

- Careful.

- l'm gonna be sick.

- That's the best thing.

No, no, not on the carpet.

That's a new carpet. Go to the bathroom.

l smell smoke. Can you smell smoke?

God! The Chilean sea bass

lightly dusted with lime!

Should you be taking those pills?

You didn't have any dinner.

lf l don't, l can't sleep.

Well, Cassie's put on weight,

not that l'd ever say anything to her.

- Cassie's pregnant.

- Again?

They swear they're stopping at three children.

For me, two was just the right number.

- ls there any word?

- No, there's none. There's nothing.

Now, l don't want you to get panicky,

but l am planning on staying. Just for a while.

l just need to find a place

and settle in and rebuild my career.

And you did say that you had

enough room to put me up.

We were surprised you never showed up.

We had everything ready.

Lee had gotten your room in order.

l apologise for that. l was going through

a kind of confused down period.

l was worried. Lee couldn't figure out

how to get in contact with you.

l'd no idea you were using different names.

What happened?

l thought the worst was over.

- Can l speak openly?

- Of course.

l tried to commit suicide.

You didn't.

l did, and it wasn't a half-hearted attempt.

lt wasn't a cry for help.

Why? l thought everything that happened was

past. l thought you'd pulled yourself together.

Because that's what l wrote you,

and some days l honestly thought it.

But in the end,

l just couldn't take it any more.

Melinda.

You didn't find me because l was indisposed.

lf you've never been in a state mental hospital

in a straitjacket, l wouldn't recommend one,

especially not the one l was in,

in the Midwest.

l'm overwhelmed.

Are you OK? l mean...

l'm all right. l'm on the road back.

l'm still a little fragile

when everything closes in,

but l get stronger every day.

You know you're welcome to stay here

as long as you like.

- There. How long is she gonna stay?

- Why?

We promised my sister

could stay for Thanksgiving.

- Well, Thanksgiving's not for a while.

- Well, l'm just saying.

- She's trying to pull her life back together.

- She's her own worst enemy.

- You don't know the details.

- Details? What details?

She was married to some doctor.

She had two kids.

What was she doing playing around with...

What was he?

He was a photographer.

Melinda.

Lee's right. Whatever l went through,

l'm responsible for.

Look, we've all been drinking

and we're really tired. lt's...

No, he's right.

l was married to a man who loved me

and gave me the two most beautiful children.

That l'm not allowed

to set eyes on them is just proof

of my weakness and my husband's strength.

No. lt's disgusting how much influence

he had on the judge.

lt's who you know. Life is all networking.

l brought it on myself because l was bored.

l mean, not bored with my children.

God, they were the light of my life.

But l was bored being a doctor's wife,

just as my mother was bored

being a doctor's wife.

Like Madame Bovary.

lt's not that St Louis isn't very beautiful.

lt's just that

everything that had seemed

so magical when l married Josh

somehow just melted away.

lt was OK, you know?

And no matter what l did,

l couldn't make it any better.

And then this

man with a romantic name -

John San Giuliano -

took my photograph.

And l fell in love with him,

and we began having this love affair.

And he wanted to know

if l could see myself living in ltaly,

and l said, ''Well, look, Mr San Giuliano,

l'm married to a surgeon with two children.''

''My life is fixed,

so don't ask me to tax my imagination.''

''Let's just confine our passion to local motels

and forget Capistrano.''

And then

reality set in

in the person of a private detective

with the unlikely name of Woodkrutch,

and my children

were handed over

to my humiliated husband forever.

Mr San Giuliano

took me on a safari to help me forget things.

But l can't forget, no matter how hard l try.

Then he met someone else.

Stop, Melinda.

Why? lt only gets worse.

So that's pretty much how l got here.

My God, that's a sad story.

Guy leads her on, causes her to break up

her marriage, then dumps her.

l caught him in bed with one of his models.

l mean, who can blame him?

She was a 6ft Swede who was a Miss World

runner-up. Her legs started at her chin.

See, that's why my film, The Castration

Sonata, puts male sexuality in perspective.

lt's lucky you didn't have children.

He could have made custody trouble.

l always wanted to have children,

but my husband wouldn't hear of it.

He couldn't bear having sex with

a pregnant woman for nine months,

especially the fat months.

- So, what are you gonna do now?

- l'm an art historian.

At least, that's what l majored in at Brandeis.

And l may be getting offered

ajob in an art gallery.

lt's only cataloguing,

but l'm in no position to turn it down.

Anyone for more Ants Climb a Tree

before l throw it out?

- l can't eat another bite.

- Dinner was delicious.

Sorry about burning the sea bass

and the kitchen curtains.

- l'm sorry about busting in on you.

- No, no.

We love it when unexpected women

barge in and throw up. l'm kidding.

l hope tonight didn't kill my chances

of getting my movie made.

No, no. l think Steve Walsh was OK.

l told him l was gonna play

a male character in the movie.

- What did he say?

- We discussed acting.

l told him about

my award-winning Pygmalion.

- Hobie, that was in college.

- lt was brilliant to play Henry with a limp.

God, l hate being an assistant director.

After you've made your own film?

Sad thing is, he could have

my movie happen like that.

What's $2 million to a real-estate billionaire?

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