Men at Work Page #2

Good God!

What exactly are you trying to say?

What I'm trying to say, James, is that

sometimes you are completely hopeless.

- Really?

- Yes.

- Hey, Carl.

- Yeah.

- What exactly did you mean by hopeless?

- I meant exactly what I said.

I still don't understand.

Well, let's examine the word.

Hope less. Less than hopeful.

That's what you are.

But am I majorly hopeless

or partially hopeless?

I would say majorly. Why do you ask?

- I'll try to change.

- No, you won't.

I need to talk to you, Leo.

Hi. Nice to see you.

I need your help on something, Leo.

I know who's responsible for

the toxic dumping off Las Playas,

and I'm kind of involved.

Jesus, Jack.

I just never thought it would go this far.

Look, it's all on the tape. Listen to this.

What is this? Some kind of a joke?

This is not the right tape.

She took the wrong tape!

- What are you talking about?

- The wrong tape!

Hey, wait a minute.

Come on. Let's do the nasty.

- Do we have to?

- Yeah, afraid so.

- Nasty!

- Nasty!

- Nasty!

- Nasty!

Yeah, Dalton here. Listen,

Jack Berger was in here earlier today.

Claimed he knew who was responsible

for those Las Playas offshore dumpings.

Claimed he had some kind

of a tape that could prove it.

I don't know. This might be nothing,

but I thought you should know.

You did the right thing, Captain. I'm sure

it's nothing, but I appreciate the call.

- Any time.

- Thank you.

A tape.

A goddamn tape.

Shrewd move, Berger.

Hey, boys! Where's your originality, huh?

This means war, man.

Hey, this is sh*t. It's sh*t!

Get it off me, Frost! Get it off!

It's sh*t! It's sh*t!

It's payback time, you little shits!

Gentlemen, inside now.

- What's up, Walt?

- Nothing too serious today.

I got a complaint about banging trash

cans on P Street at 6am this morning.

- You boys know anything about this?

- No, sir.

Who rolled the bowling ball

down the alley into Avenue H?

Can't help you there either.

In the two years you have worked here,

you have broken every city ordinance

that pertains to this line of work.

Well, you can't say

we haven't been a lot of laughs.

I'm glad you have a sense of humor,

Mr. St James.

Unfortunately, the majority

of the people in this community do not.

Now me, personally, I like you boys.

Which is why

I'm giving you another chance.

Starting tomorrow, you boys

will be riding with a third party.

What?

I have decided to send an observer

along with you on your route.

A representative of Shoreline.

- Who's the observer?

- My brother-in-law.

Consider yourselves on probation.

I suggest you be on your best behavior.

The nerve of Walt, sending us

on our route with a goddamn baby-sitter.

Don't worry about it.

What does a... phrenologist

feel and interpret?

- The size of Walt's a**hole.

- Wrong.

No, a phrenologist feels and interprets

the bumps on your head, skull features.

Very good.

Who was Richard Nixon's Chief of Staff

during the final days of Watergate?

Oprah Winfrey.

No, that was... Alexander Haig.

That's right.

What does gasoline...

Jack! Jack!

The tape!

What did you do with the tape?

Jesus Christ!

- What are you doing?

- I hate shitheads who bully their women.

- So what are you gonna do?

- Shoot him.

- What?

- It's the principle, James.

With a pellet gun? What are you

gonna accomplish using that?

It allows me to seriously

aggravate a situation

without actually changing

the course of history.

It also stings like a b*tch.

Well, I'm glad that's over.

Carl, what are you doing?

Everything's cool now.

Mister, it's nothing personal.

- Where do you think you got him?

- Butt shot.

He'll never lay a hand on her again.

A**hole! I wouldn't have

voted for you anyway.

- Stop it! Stop it!

- What?

Shoot him in the head,

his head's all over the place.

Touchdown! The tape! Touchdown!

Genius.

Man, this guy's really heavy.

I gotta start working out.

- You should go to the gym.

- I hate weights.

- You work on your cardiovascular.

- What's that?

- Get on one of those life cycles.

- What's that?

- Stationary bike.

- Yeah? How are they?

They're great. They got... cross-country

skiing machines, things where you row.

Come on, get him in there. I wanna go eat.

Come on, come on, come on.

I got it. Start the car.

Right, Jack, I have the tape.

Jack?

Jack?

Touch that again

and I swear to God, I'll kill you.

What'd I do?

Let's go a little bit faster, see if

you can put me through the windshield.

Where the hell am I?

Time for work. Boy, oh boy!

James, do us both a favor.

Whatever you do,

don't give this observer guy

a hard time today.

I figure if we behave ourselves,

show him that

we're a couple of good guys,

we'll get him out of our hair a lot quicker.

OK.

For all we know...

he could be some crazed combat veteran.

You're driving too fast.

So, Louis, you're Walts brother-in-law.

That's great. Speaks highly of you.

What do you know about anything?

Walts a nice guy.

His sister must be nice too.

I've never met her.

When I feel like talking to you,

I will look at you.

Gotcha.

You writing stuff about us? Sorry. Sorry.

This sucks.

What did you say, son?

The name is James.

Well, James,

if you expect to keep this job,

I suggest you tell me what it was

you were mumbling over there.

James.

I said this sucks.

And, basically, so do you.

You little... I'll show you

not to talk to me like that!

Hey, hey! Goddammit!

This Louis guy's a total nightmare.

He's not playin' around,

let me tell you, James.

Yeah, I feel really bad about that, Carl.

Probably not as bad as I do.

- James, promise me something.

- What?

No matter what you do,

do not provoke this guy.

- Promise.

- I'm serious.

I promise.

- How's that nose?

- It's OK.

I still owe one to the intended receiver.

You know, man,

you're a total pain in the a...

Now, James, Louis is gonna be with us

for the next couple of weeks.

Accept this as fact.

Why don't you guys shake hands

and stop behaving like children?

Put it on the back of your neck.

There are several sacred things in

this world that you don't ever mess with.

One of them happens to be

another man's fries.

Now, you remember that

and you'll live a long and healthy life.

James.

- James.

- What?

You better get over here

and take a look at this.

What is it, Carl?

Just take a look.

- What the hell is this, Carl?

- It's a dead human being, James.

Yeah? What's he doin' on our route?

Oh, looky here. Looks like somebody

threw away a perfectly good white boy.

And he sure looks

a hell of a lot like that dude.

We're screwed.

What do you mean "we"?

You pulled the trigger, pal.

Look, Louis, we gotta talk.

You see, Louis,

Carl sort of knows this guy.

- So?

- I don't know him at all.

- What I'm trying to say is he shot him.

- With a pellet gun.

- But he thought he hit him in the butt.

- I did.

You two seem to be

in some serious sh*t here.

I need a drink.

Look, Louis, I know

that I did not kill this man.

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