Men in Black Page #2

AGENT JANUS:

Sir!

KAY:

Tomen el camion, y vayeuse.

(Get on the road and

go.)

AGENT JANUS:

Sir, you can't just --

KAY:

Don't "Sir" me! You have no idea who

you're dealing with!

Silence on the road. The Driver grins, jumps back in the

front seat of the van. The others pile into the rear and

they tear out of there.

KAY:

(to Janus)

We're gonna have a little chat with

our friend here. You boys can hit

the road... and keep on protecting

us from dangerous aliens.

Kay and Dee escort their captive across the road and over a

small rise, leaving the stunned INS agents standing alone in

the roadway.

AGENT JANUS:

You ever heard of Division 6?

2ND INS AGENT

There is no Division 6.

3RD INS AGENT

Who are those guys?

EXT. DESERT CLEARING - NIGHT

Kay and Dee lead their captive into a clearing in the desert

brush. Dee pulls an enormous handgun from a shoulder holster

and stays a pace or two off, covering him. Kay has an arm

draped around the man's shoulders.

KAY:

I think you jumped off the bus in

the wrong part of town, amigo. In

fact, I'll bet dollars to pesos that

you're not --

He pulls out a small laser device, which he ZIPS neatly down

the front of the man's clothes.

KAY:

-- from anywhere near here.

The man's clothes fall to the ground, revealing what he really

is underneath -- A SCALY SPACE BASTARD, about four-and-a-

half feet tall, with a snouth, snail-like tentacles, and

independently moving eyes on stalks at the top of his head.

The only part of his camouflage not crumpled to the ground

is the humanesque "head," which he still lamely holds in one

of his hands. It's propped up by a stick, like a puppet, and

it continues to make expressions as he holds it.

KAY:

Mikey?! When did they let you out of

jail?

MIKEY replies -- an unfathomable combination of GRUNTS,

SQUEAKS, and saliva.

KAY:

Political refugee. Right.

DEE:

You know how many treaty articles

you've just violated?

Mikey makes a lame SQUEAK.

KAY:

One, my ass. Try seven.

DEE:

From unauthorized immigration to

failure to properly inoculate prior

to landing.

KAY:

(off Mikey's objections)

Okay, that's enough. Hand me your

head and put up your arms.

From behind Mikey, they hear a terrified GASP.

Kay and Dee both look over quickly. One of the alien's eyes,

on a tall stalk, whips around too. All three of them see

AGENT JANUS, standing just over the rise, staring in frozen

amazement.

KAY:

Ah, sh*t.

Agent Janus SCREAMS. Mikey rips free of the rest of the

"Mexican" disguise, knocks Dee out of the way, and takes off

straight at Janus, SCREECHING a horrible Space Bastard

screech. Janus freezes, terrified.

KAY:

Dee! Shoot him!

Dee struggles to roll over and change the controls on his

gun, which fell out of his hand as he hit the ground.

KAY:

Dee, for Christ's --

Mikey keeps moving, covering the last few yards to Janus

quickly. He steps on a rock, launches himself into the air,

his dripping jaws cranked wide open --

-- there is a SIZZLING sound, a brilliant white flash --

-- and Mikey ERUPTS in a geyser of blue goo that splatters

all over the ground, the trees, and Agent Janus' face. Behind

where Mikey was, Kay stands, smoking weapon in hand.

EXT. ROAD - TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER - NIGHT

On the road, the INS AGENTS pull their guns and run toward

the rise.

EXT. DESERT CLEARING -- NIGHT

Kay has an arm around Janus, whom he is leading further into

the clearing.

Janus is white, shaking, eyes like silver dollars.

AGENT JANUS:

Th -- th -- th --

KAY:

(helping)

"That."

AGENT JANUS:

That wasn't -- wasn't -- wasn't --

KAY:

Human, I know. Oops. Got some entrails

on you.

He takes out a handkerchief and wipes off the Agent's face.

As he does, Janus looks back to where Mikey blew up. Then at

Kay. And then up at the stars.

The other INS Agents burst over the rise, SHOUTING questions.

KAY:

Okay, everybody, situation's under

control, calm down. If you'll just

give me your attention for a moment

I'll tell you what happened.

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