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Men in Black Page #2
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1997
- 98 min
- 1,476 Views
AGENT JANUS:
Sir!
KAY:
Tomen el camion, y vayeuse.
(Get on the road and
go.)
AGENT JANUS:
Sir, you can't just --
KAY:
Don't "Sir" me! You have no idea who
you're dealing with!
Silence on the road. The Driver grins, jumps back in the
front seat of the van. The others pile into the rear and
they tear out of there.
KAY:
(to Janus)
We're gonna have a little chat with
our friend here. You boys can hit
the road... and keep on protecting
us from dangerous aliens.
Kay and Dee escort their captive across the road and over a
small rise, leaving the stunned INS agents standing alone in
the roadway.
AGENT JANUS:
2ND INS AGENT
There is no Division 6.
3RD INS AGENT
Who are those guys?
Kay and Dee lead their captive into a clearing in the desert
brush. Dee pulls an enormous handgun from a shoulder holster
and stays a pace or two off, covering him. Kay has an arm
draped around the man's shoulders.
KAY:
I think you jumped off the bus in
the wrong part of town, amigo. In
fact, I'll bet dollars to pesos that
you're not --
He pulls out a small laser device, which he ZIPS neatly down
the front of the man's clothes.
KAY:
-- from anywhere near here.
The man's clothes fall to the ground, revealing what he really
is underneath -- A SCALY SPACE BASTARD, about four-and-a-
half feet tall, with a snouth, snail-like tentacles, and
independently moving eyes on stalks at the top of his head.
The only part of his camouflage not crumpled to the ground
is the humanesque "head," which he still lamely holds in one
of his hands. It's propped up by a stick, like a puppet, and
it continues to make expressions as he holds it.
KAY:
Mikey?! When did they let you out of
jail?
MIKEY replies -- an unfathomable combination of GRUNTS,
SQUEAKS, and saliva.
KAY:
Political refugee. Right.
DEE:
You know how many treaty articles
you've just violated?
Mikey makes a lame SQUEAK.
KAY:
One, my ass. Try seven.
DEE:
From unauthorized immigration to
failure to properly inoculate prior
to landing.
KAY:
(off Mikey's objections)
Okay, that's enough. Hand me your
head and put up your arms.
From behind Mikey, they hear a terrified GASP.
Kay and Dee both look over quickly. One of the alien's eyes,
on a tall stalk, whips around too. All three of them see
AGENT JANUS, standing just over the rise, staring in frozen
amazement.
KAY:
Ah, sh*t.
Agent Janus SCREAMS. Mikey rips free of the rest of the
"Mexican" disguise, knocks Dee out of the way, and takes off
straight at Janus, SCREECHING a horrible Space Bastard
screech. Janus freezes, terrified.
KAY:
Dee! Shoot him!
Dee struggles to roll over and change the controls on his
gun, which fell out of his hand as he hit the ground.
KAY:
Dee, for Christ's --
Mikey keeps moving, covering the last few yards to Janus
quickly. He steps on a rock, launches himself into the air,
his dripping jaws cranked wide open --
-- there is a SIZZLING sound, a brilliant white flash --
-- and Mikey ERUPTS in a geyser of blue goo that splatters
all over the ground, the trees, and Agent Janus' face. Behind
where Mikey was, Kay stands, smoking weapon in hand.
EXT. ROAD - TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER - NIGHT
On the road, the INS AGENTS pull their guns and run toward
the rise.
Kay has an arm around Janus, whom he is leading further into
the clearing.
Janus is white, shaking, eyes like silver dollars.
AGENT JANUS:
Th -- th -- th --
KAY:
(helping)
"That."
AGENT JANUS:
That wasn't -- wasn't -- wasn't --
KAY:
Human, I know. Oops. Got some entrails
on you.
He takes out a handkerchief and wipes off the Agent's face.
As he does, Janus looks back to where Mikey blew up. Then at
Kay. And then up at the stars.
The other INS Agents burst over the rise, SHOUTING questions.
KAY:
Okay, everybody, situation's under
control, calm down. If you'll just
give me your attention for a moment
I'll tell you what happened.
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