Mercy Page #2

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Call her.

Take her out to dinner.

Entertain the possibility

of spending more than an evening

in your cave.

- Honey...

- It's fine.

- Sorry, your room.

- Are you done?

- Are you going to answer

my question?

- In detail.

- Okay, great.

- But first,

if she's such a nice girl,

then what the hell is she doing

coming to my room

at 2:
30 in the morning?

- Check.

- Because you're charming,

and she probably

wants to hang out with you.

- And play chess at 3:00 a. M?

- Maybe.

- Maybe not.

- That's not the point, anyway.

- No, the point is,

this is not about her;

this is about me.

You say nice girl.

I say, for what?

Pain? Tears?

Marriage? Divorce?

It's not my thing.

You two, on the other hand,

found something

very special.

- No, that's not what you said.

- Just shut up

and go back to sleep, okay?

Unprecedented and special.

I'm just saying,

I don't think it's on sale.

And even if it was,

I'm not buying.

- But that's all gonna change.

- You are so wrong.

- And when it does,

it's gonna be too late.

- Hey, hey, that's cruel.

That's unfair.

- Whatever.

- And for the record,

she's a nice girl.

And after

she's had her drink-

which I'm sure you assured her

was all you wanted her to have-

she's gonna leave.

- You wanna bet?

- Yes.

- What?

- Make it a 50.

- What do you know?

- She's a nice Christian girl.

- Ha!

Really?

Okay, make it $100.

- Bet.

- You, come with me.

Get up.

Come on.

Put that down.

You don't need that ever again.

Come on.

Really?

- Careful.

- Ow.

- Unacceptable.

- Christian...

- Gonna find you

some happiness.

- Bye, Erik.

- You're placing bets on

my friend getting laid or not?

What's the matter with you?

- He's not getting laid.

- You're a filthy,

naughty girl.

- You are a filthy,

naughty boy.

- Is that right?

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- I don't want to.

Johnny, I don't want this.

- Listen.

You are in no condition

to know what it is

you want right now.

- Yuh-huh.

I want a drink.

- All right,

look at the brunette,

standing there all alone

just waiting for you.

- Oh, no, that's a Republican.

- F***ing conservative.

Okay, look at the two blondes.

Look at 'em.

- Those are lesbians.

- They are not lesbians.

Okay, we move on.

Look around.

There's got to be something

you like.

Come on.

- I want to get a drink.

- Would you stop with the drink?

Stop it.

Look.

What do we got?

What do we have?

- Uh, I'm gonna

go get a drink now, okay?

- Okay, yeah, go ahead.

I'll be down there in a minute.

- Really?

- Yeah, go ahead.

- All right.

- Down there in a minute.

- Loved the book.

- Okay, we can do the hiking

that I already talked about.

Then we'll just

catch a flick before.

- Yeah, that'll be good.

- I'll bring the dogs,

and, okay,

hopefully it's nice.

Hi.

- Hello.

- I think I'm gonna use

the little girls' room.

- Yeah.

I'll come with you, I think.

- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

- Excuse me?

- Well, I just wanted to ask you

a couple questions.

- Okay.

And you are?

- I'm Johnny.

Johnny Ryan.

- And?

- Oh, um, no,

I just thought that, um...

- What?

You thought what?

- Well, this is sort of

my party.

- Oh, okay.

- I mean, it's not really

my party, per se.

The party is for me, so...

- Uh-huh.

- I'm sorry.

You are, um...

- Staying at the hotel.

- Right.

Right.

Makes sense.

- I'm gonna use the bathroom.

I'll be back.

- Okay.

Yeah, go ahead.

What was your question?

Sorry.

Questions.

- Okay, let's start over.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Because somehow

something went wrong.

I was just standing over there.

- Uh-huh.

- And I saw you.

And you are without a doubt

the most beautiful woman

I have ever seen

in my entire life.

So I'm coming over

to say hello.

Uh, I'm Johnny.

Hello...

- Mercy.

- Mercy.

That's a joke, right?

Okay, how many times this week

have you told someone

that they were

the most beautiful woman

you've ever seen in your life?

You know what?

I can't remember.

- Oh.

Doesn't surprise me.

- But I will tell you something.

It doesn't matter,

because I have not meant it

until just now.

- Oh.

- Can I get you two something?

- Uh, she's good.

Um, um...

- I'm not thirsty.

- Sister?

- Yeah, actually.

That's a really good guess.

- I can see the similarity.

Uh, what can I do for you,

Johnny?

- Let's, uh, let's relax.

Do you want a cigarette?

- Cancer?

Huh.

No, thanks.

I'm actually out here

because I don't like

cigarette smoke.

It's like a European coffee shop

in there.

- You know what?

You are so right.

I love it when a woman is right.

I hate crowds.

Just awful.

No intimacy.

- Oh, but isn't this your party?

- It is.

- So what are we celebrating?

- Uh, well,

I just finished a book.

- Hmm.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.

You read much?

- I do, actually.

Um, I'm also a writer.

- Oh, wow.

Look at that.

- Yeah.

- That's great.

- So you were saying?

- I was saying...

Intimacy.

No intimacy.

Um, crowds.

Too much-

too much stuff.

Don't you agree?

- Well, I guess

I don't disagree.

- Fantastic.

So how about it?

- How about what?

- How about you and I alone

for a drink, my room.

No, uh, no crowds.

No smoke.

Intimacy.

- Well, thank you, but no.

- Just like that?

- I was being polite.

- You were being hasty.

What do you want,

the truth?

- Yeah, please.

- Hmm.

Okay.

Well, you are teetering-

teetering on charming.

But the polite version of,

"You must be high

"if you think that after

talking to you for two minutes

I'm just gonna go to your room

with you and get intimate,"

is, "Thank you, but no."

But good luck with all that,

you know?

- Mercy, you said, huh?

- Yup.

- Well, it was, um...

Iovely to meet you.

- Likewise.

- Enjoy your stay at the hotel.

- Thank you.

- You win.

Good night.

- Look at the young man,

bright as can be,

a vision in that suit, you are.

- Sweets.

So?

You're scaring me.

Tell me something, please.

- L.A. Weekly:

Rave.

L.A. Times:

Rave.

- Come on.

- Variety:

Rave.

- Variety?

- I couldn't believe it.

I mean,

I could because I agree,

but usually

they're like caged animals

ready to eat their young.

They use words like

powerful, delightful,

some others

I can't even pronounce.

Read it.

- Reading it.

It's amazing.

What else?

What else?

- Raves. Rave.

Raves, raves, all raves.

Except one.

- Huh?

- Mm.

Doesn't even matter.

One review.

- Not good?

- Uh, it's a-

it's a bashing, actually.

And it is The New York Arts,

the most prominent

literary magazine in the world.

But who cares?

F*** those pretentious a**holes.

F*** 'em.

- Did you say "bashing"?

- Yeah, it's-it's not good.

- Let me see it.

- It doesn't even matter.

It's one bad review.

Everything else is perfect.

It's a best seller for sure.

- Did you look at this?

- I read it.

- "Johnny Ryan

writes without life.

"His stories

emanate from a void

"with no remnants

of any actual life experience.

"Childish at best.

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