Midnight Cowboy

INT. TV STUDIO - DAY

A Susskind-type MODERATOR is speaking into camera:

MODERATOR:

Tonight we'll discuss a subject

most of us seem to consider either

bad taste or frivolous or funny.

But if our experts are right, we

face what might be called a

masculinity crisis. Every fourth

American man uptight, threatened by

the increasing sexual demands of

American women...

EXT. SIDEWALK INTERVIEW - DAY

An IRATE WOMAN speaks into camera:

IRATE WOMAN:

They always put it that way, but

well, all it means, you know, is

every fourth American woman's never

satisfied. That's it. I never am --

have been, you know...

EXT. SIDEWALK INTERVIEW - DAY

A COOL WOMAN speaks into camera:

COOL WOMAN:

This, this image of the, the man

eating woman. It isn't our

increasing demands. I think it's

the shrinking American male...

EXT. SIDEWALK INTERVIEW - DAY

A SAD WOMAN speaks into camera:

SAD WOMAN:

No, I never had, well, whatever it

is you call it. But the hours he

works, I can't blame him...

INT. CAFETERIA SCULLERY (TEXAS) - DAY

Full frame -- a scandal sheet picture of a sex-starved wife,

naked while her husband sleeps, captioned I BUY WHAT MY

HUSBAND CAN'T GIVE.

SAD WOMAN'S VOICE

... but it's a problem. A big

problem. With so many women I

know...

Camera pulls back to show the picture among other pinups of

women -- rich, beautiful or naked, but all blonde -- steam

wilted on the wall over a dishwashing machine. JOE BUCK grins

at the wall as he scrapes garbage.

JOB:

Just keep your pants on, ladies...

MULTIPLE SPLIT SCREEN

A LADY COMMENTATOR, gradually surrounded by lonely women...

BEAUTY PARLOR:

FASHION SHOW:

PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH

COCKTAIL BAR:

GYMNASIUM:

STATUE OF LIBERTY

LADY COMMENTATOR

Before World War One -- American

men outnumbered women by over six

percent. Today American women not

only outnumber men, but live five

years longer -- leaving them in

control of vast corporate wealth

and seventy-five percent of

America's purchasing power...

The Lady Commentator is replaced by Joe, stacking dishes,

surrounded by frustrated ladies. He laughs tolerantly.

JOE:

Y'all,line up and take your turn...

INT. TV STUDIO - DAY

The Moderator smiles into camera.

MODERATOR:

My question is this -- will

American know-how come up with a

marketable male to replace all the

men who are worrying themselves

into an early grave over women's

increasing sexual demands?

INT. STALL SHOWER - DAY

Joe sings as he soaps himself, "Whoopee ti yi yo, git along

little dogies, for you know New York will be your new home!"

Sound and image freeze on Joe's open mouth.

SUPERIMPOSED MAIN TITLE AND CREDITS

TITLES follow as indicated, sound and action continuing after

each credit.

INT. SUNSHINE CAFETERIA - DAY

Joe's song continues over a sweating WAITRESS, glancing up.

WAITRESS:

Where's that Joe Buck?

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Wrapped in a towel, singing in front of his dresser mirror,

Joe sprays himself with deodorant, aiming a last playful

blast at the unseen crotch -- freezing song and image as

CREDITS continue over...

... a calendar girl on the wall blushing orange, mouth frozen

in a tiny O, staring wide-eyed. Joe's song continues as...

... Joe rips the wrapping from a new Stetson and sets it on

his head, freezing song and image as CREDITS continue.

INT. CAFETERIA SCULLERY - DAY

RALPH, an aging black man, faces a mountain of dirty dishes.

RALPH:

Where's that Joe Buck?

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Singing as he buttons his new cowboy shirt, Joe interrupts

himself to answer Ralph...

JOE:

Yeah, where's that Joe Buck?

... continuing his song as he pulls up and zips his tight

thighed black slacks, freezing song and image for CREDITS.

INT. REMEMBERED BEAUTY PARLOR - ANOTHER TIME

SALLY BUCK, a pretty middle-aged blonde, smiles down at

camera,

SALLY BUCK:

You look real nice, Joe baby...

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Joe sings as he pulls on his new cowboy boots, arranging his

cuffs to show off the yellow sunburst at the ankle, freezing

song and image for CREDITS.

INT. SUNSHINE CAFETERIA - DAY

The pink MANAGER scowls at his pocket watch.

MANAGER:

Where's that Joe Buck?

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Joe hums as he piles a complete wardrobe of cowboy clothes,

still in their wrappers, into a shiny new suitcase of black

and white horsehide.

JOE:

Yeah, where's that Joe Buck?

INT. SUNSHINE CAFETERIA - DAY

Holding his watch, the Manager wags a finger at camera.

MANAGER:

You're due here at four o'clock.

Look at those dishes, look!

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Joe laughs as he locks his suitcase.

JOE:

Know what you can do with those

dishes? And if you ain't man enough

to do it yourself, I'd be happy to

oblige...

Joe picks up his suitcase, a portable transistor radio, walks

away from the mirror, then pauses to run a comb through his

hair, hook a cigarette at the corner of his mouth and strike

a match on his thumbnail before he turns back for one

admiring glance at himself in the mirror -- proud, exultant,

ready -- freezing the image as CREDITS END.

EXT. TEXAS TOWN MAIN STREET - DAY

Joe leaves the hotel, carrying his suitcase.

INT. CAFETERIA SCULLERY - DAY

The pink Manager points at his watch angrily.

MANAGER:

Four to midnight, understand?

Angle widens to include Joe, holding his suitcase and radio.

Ralph stares at him curiously, stacking dishes.

JOE:

Say, look, uh, I gotta have a word

with you, if you got a second.

MANAGER:

Later. Later maybe.

The Manager hurries away, carrying a basket of dishes.

RALPH:

You ain't coming to work?

JOE:

Don't guess. Just come for my day's

pay owing and to tell you I'm

heading East.

Joe tilts his Stetson as the Waitress appears at the door...

WAITRESS:

Cups!

... but she disappears without noticing Joe. Ralph offers his

hand. Joe takes it, holds it.

RALPH:

What you gonna do back there, East?

JOE:

Lotta rich women back there...

RALPH:

Yeah?

JOE:

Men, they mostly faggots.

RALPH:

Must be some mess back there.

JOE:

Well, ain't no use hanging around

here.

RALPH:

Ain't gonna collect your pay?

JOE:

I got me two hundred twenty-four

bucks of flat folding money...

(slaps hip)

He know what he can do with that

chicken-sh*t day's pay. And if he

ain't man enough to do it for

himself, I be happy to oblige!

INT. SUNSHINE CAFETERIA - DAY

The door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY swings open and Joe appears,

measuring his effect on the customers and his fellow

employees as he crosses the sterile white dining room,

observing the drab details of the life he has left behind -

garbage on greasy dishes, limp food in steam table trays,

coffee-soaked cigarette butts, caked mustard and ketchup on

formica table tops -- two pimply high school girls slurping

suggestive noises after Joe through the straws of empty coke

glasses. O.S. a Tiomkin-tradition chorus sings, "From this

valley they say you are going -- we will miss your bright

eyes and sweet smile for they say you are taking the

sunshine..."

EXT. TOWN MAIN STREET - DAY

The song ends as Joe comes from the cafeteria "... that

brightened our pathway a while."

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