Minutemen Page #2

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Well, time travel is useful.

Charlie, you're 1 4 years old.

You're two years away

from your driver's license,

you still call your underwear

'underpants'.

I should believe

you built a time machine?

Yes! And based on my specifications

a person could travel up to 48 hours

- into the past!

- That's weak.

Pardon me, how's your

time travel formula coming along?

It's all about light, right?

Nothing moves faster.

Well, my hypothesis suggests that

you can time travel on a beam of light.

From any light source.

Even light from a slide projector.

A slide projector?

Like a regular slide projector?

Did I say regular? No, I didn't.

What we're talking about

is a complex amalgamation

of electronic components and

internal combustion mechanics.

Which you know nothing about,

by the way.

We'll have to find a hardware guy.

I don't see this as a problem.

Hey, Chickadee! What's shakin'?

You have to excuse Charlie.

He's nervous around girls.

- No, I'm not!

- Oh, it's cool, I like shy boys.

- Um, what's in the bowI?

- Meringue. The assignment.

Here, take mine.

I'll make a new one.

- Did you see that?

- What?

Dude, she gave you meringue.

That's huge.

I just need to know, are you

going to help me with this or not?

Are you gonna be part of something,

make history,

or sit on the sidelines

and be a passive observer?

OK, look, I'll make you a deal.

I'll help with your machine

and find a hardware guy.

But when we try it out

for the first time,

we use it for whatever I want to do.

- All right.

- Right.

But Virgil, this hardware person

we need is tricky.

Why?

Because he not only needs

to be gifted mechanically,

but also, let's say,

require a certain moral flexibility.

- Lives on the fringes of society.

- OK. Well...

- How about him?

- Zeke? Are you serious?

Look at him. He's, he's...

Perfect. You know, at those

monster truck shows,

there's always that giant metal dinosaur

that breathes fire and destroys cars?

- I've seen the commercials.

- He and his dad build those.

Killer-saurus. 1 5,000 pounds

of jaw-crushing force!

- I get it.

- Look out folks, it's car-nivorous!

I get it! I get it.

Your cat is freaking me out.

It's not my cat. It's his.

His name is Albert Felinestein.

That's the dumbest name for a cat

I've ever heard.

Couldn't agree more, Zeke.

Zekester.

I hate

when people bend names too.

Like 'Virgilosity.' I'm like,

'Come on, people, it's Virgil.'

I'm going to stop talking now.

- Amy, no! This is a private meeting.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I just came down to watch TV. But Mom

did mention you had a new friend over?

A boy.

Ew, he's gross! Geez, Virgil,

why can't you bring home cute boys?

Amy, leave or I tell mom you're doing

makeovers on the hamsters again.

Chill. I'm outta here. It's like

I walked into an ugly contest.

- She's a charmer.

- OK.

OK, this thing, this, uh,

quantum integration to the physical

properties of light projection,

Iooks like it could work.

Yeah, Mongo read.

- OK. So you'll help us construct it?

- Why not?

I'm always up for a challenge.

And free bean dip.

Um, you have a little...

- No.

-...some bean...

Do that again and I weld you

to the crosstown bus.

Have you thought how

we're going to use this thing?

The first journey back

will obviously be a monumental event,

and our specific goal on that journey

should be appropriately grandiose.

I got it. Two words, gentlemen:

- The lottery.

- Nice.

Absolutely not, Virgil!

I refuse to agree to that.

Oh, but you already did.

You said that if I helped you,

we'd use the machine for

whatever I wanted to. No do-overs!

Do you want to time travel

or don't you?

- Fine.

- Yes!

You're not going to be able to

just plug this thing into a wall outlet.

- This is gonna take major amperage.

- Not to mention privacy and space.

I know the place. It's perfect.

It's completely perfect.

Come on, come on!

- Oh!

- Vice Principal Tolkan,

we need to talk

about starting a new club.

No can do. We're completely

maxed-out on classroom space.

The Future Fonduers of America

were the last ones in.

Is that Chester in the vending machine?

- Hey, fellas.

- Does anyone have four quarters?

- It's not taking my dollar.

- You going to do something?

Like what? Change the way

high school works? No gentlemen.

Everything in the world

has an order.

There are those who stuff others

into vending machines,

and those who get stuffed into vending

machines. It's the way the system works.

It's in the Vice Principal's handbook.

Anyway, about our club,

- we were wondering...

- Room 77! We want room 77!

Impossible. Never gonna happen.

Like this.

Perhaps we can convince you

to reconsider.

Huh?

Done.

All right, scooch over to your left.

I'm going after the Pretzel Nubs.

The north wing was knocked

down to make the football field,

which we're underneath now.

Room 77 was built to be the school's

fallout shelter back in the 1 950's.

I think it's right through here.

Someone call

Extreme Classroom Makeover.

This is a disaster.

Got great bones, though.

OK! This is it.

One small step for man,

but one very large...

No, that's not it.

It's one small step for...

Dude, just turn it on.

Good gravy!

- Scratch!

- It's scorch.

- Right.

- So who wants go first?

Be the world's first time traveler?

I just ate a meatball sandwich.

I might get cramps.

Yeah and um...

this is my new favorite shirt.

Get the goggles.

- OK, you're good.

- Come on, no biting.

- OK.

- OK.

Where's Albert Felinestein?

Did you...?

Hello? Vortex! He could die!

You were OK with me going in there.

What...

- But I was gonna...

- Hang on!

Whoa, a catsicle!

Virgil, time travel is unpredictable.

The temperatures can be highly variable!

Guys? Take a look at the watch.

An exact one-minute differential.

That means...

Your cat is the first

time-traveler in history!

We did it!

Huh. That's bizarre.

I've got a reading from the Summerton

sensor, pretty much off the charts,

but nothing around it. Hmm.

You think they got

anything on that upstairs?

Nah, they would've called right away.

Probably another computer glitch.

They give us basement dwellers

the lame-o equipment.

Plus all the good snacks are upstairs.

I mean, seriously,

try one of these, they're stale.

Steph, what do I have to do

to make you believe me?

She's just teaching me French.

Hmm, Jocelyn Lee is tutoring you

in French, and that's all?

See, that's why I need her help.

I have no idea what you said.

I said, 'My boyfriend

is a Iying cheesebrain.'

Come on, Steph, Jocelyn's hot

but she's a total bottom feeder.

I would never go there.

- I know.

- I'll call you later, OK?

OK.

- Oh, Steph, I didn't see you there.

- Oh, hey.

- You studying?

- I was looking for a pencil sharpener.

Oh, I have one.

Do you have a pencil?

Same old Virg. Never changes.

Well, you haven't changed much either.

Does your hair still frizz up

when you run through the sprinkler?

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