Minutemen Page #5

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Your team stinks. You'll never score!

- Amy...

- Five six seven eight

- You can't touch this. I'm too great.

- Amy, that's it. Upstairs!

Stephanie, I didn't even see you.

It's so weird that you're here.

And oh my gosh, Derek Beaugard?

You are like the best

football player ever...

...except for that blown play yesterday.

- Just go. Amy, go watch cartoons.

- No.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm trying to talk my folks

into caging her when there's company.

She's so cute.

Oh. So, um...

About the game yesterday, Virg.

That was a really big deal for Derek.

He feels like he let

everybody in school down.

- I would've won that game.

- Chester streaked across the field

- and distracted him.

- What's gotten into all the dorks?

It's like they just don't know

their place anymore.

So you guys want the Minutemen to stop

Chester from interfering with the game?

Uh, no, man.

We want you guys to do it.

Who are the... Minutemen?

That's us.

Never mind.

- So, uh...

- I don't know.

- Charlie's gonna be a tough sell.

- Come on, Virg.

I know we never really talked about

what went down that day, freshman year.

But the thing is, I tried to stop them.

It was a raw deal, man.

I wish you and I could get back

to how we used to be.

AIways chillin'.

What do you say, man?

Scorch!

I can't believe you want to help Derek

after what he did to you?

- Did to us?

- It didn't happen the way we think.

- And besides, it's time to move on.

- I've been running some tests.

We might be damaging the space-time

continuum with our time travel.

That could have serious consequences

to our future or even the planet.

What happened to Derek in that game

was our fault.

- Indirectly.

- He's right, Kookaburra.

Chester's a different person

after you rescued him in the Locker.

- Excellent point.

- Is it me,

or have I totally lost control

of this project?

Lost control, bro.

Sorry I'm late.

Activating grid.

Ah, yes. We mustn't forget

the grappling hook.

Everybody's gotta make fun of the hook.

You'll all be sorry.

Whee!

I will never get tired of that.

Yeah!

Ha!

Hey, guys. You seen this?

Can I get a little help, guys?

Guys, a little help?

Beaugard loses the ball,

fumbles the play.

Hamilton's got it!

And the Hornets win.

So because you took this tape with you

when you jumped back in time...

It still exists.

- Pretty clever, huh?

- This is crazy, man.

You're the man!

I gotta tell the guys about this.

- No!

- You can't do that!

This is too big.

This has got to stay between us.

Yeah, yeah, no worries, brother.

But we gotta celebrate.

Tomorrow we're partying at my

house and you gotta be there.

Oh, I want to. I, I can't, though.

I'm hanging out with Charlie.

The Weather Network is counting down

the top ten hailstorms of all time.

I didn't realize how lame an evening

that was till I said it out loud.

Oh! Thank you.

Thanks.

So, you having fun?

Oh, yeah. I haven't been to a party

since I was ten.

And I remember the pony threw up on me.

- That was my birthday party.

- Oh.

I'm kidding.

Oh, good.

So I guess you're going

to the dance Saturday?

Yeah, I guess.

You don't sound happy about it.

I don't know.

Derek and I go to every party,

every social gathering.

It's really a sickness

when you think about it.

I don't know.

Being popular seems like

a very satisfying way of life.

I don't know about that.

Sometimes I wonder

if I chose the right path.

I mean, look at you. You don't

seem to mind that you're...

...um...

Captain of the dorks?

I wasn't going to say it like that.

But seriously, you guys look like you're

having so much more fun than everyone.

Really? 'Cause from our side,

it looks like you

are having all the fun.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Hey, Virg!

- Hey.

It is so good partying with you again.

Thank those other guys for me, the big,

scary dude, and the little twerp.

Oh! Dang it.

I forgot to cancel with Charlie.

Hold on, let me call him.

- Stephanie, come see this.

- He probably forgot all about it.

Charlie, how many more times

do I have to apologize?

Three hundred and twel've times

ought to do it.

Charlie, listen,

I'm really, really sorry!

Fine... I forgive you.

Look, I'm just really frazzled.

I'm worried about the time machine

and possible ripple effects.

Hang on, I've got another call.

I'll get rid of them.

Hello?

Hey, Virgil?

Um...

- I can't believe I just...

- What's wrong?

He, um...

- He, um...

- Don't go anywhere. I'll be there.

Steph. Steph.

Stephanie?

I haven't done this

since eighth grade.

- That, that wasn't there before.

- You could have used the front door.

Yeah, but what fun would that be?

So tell me, what happened?

So, Derek got out of practice early.

And when I went over to his house,

I saw him kissing Jocelyn Lee.

Oh, Steph.

I knew it, too.

I just didn't want to believe it.

I feel so stupid.

I know how much you like

pistachio nuts, but

in the rush to get here, I accidentally

grabbed a bag of pasta shells.

Do you have any marinara sauce?

Huh? Well...

No, I can go get some if you...

You're joking.

It was really nice of you

to come over, Virg.

You're an amazing friend.

Yeah... friend.

- Hello?

- Babe, can we talk this out?

It's Derek.

Listen, I'm going to talk to him.

I have to end it once and for all.

Good luck.

I'm OK!

These repeated irregularities

are maintaining half-lives

after their primary incidence.

It's totally weirdsville.

I mean, it's serious, sir. Um...

The fluctuations are emanating directly

from Summerton High School.

I actually have a theory about that.

It's, well...

Does the department have

any contacts at the FBI?

You know, you're kind of

scary and unapproachable.

Can we sit with you?

You don't know

what it's like to be me.

Great athlete, hugely popular.

I mean, it's like people

expect me to play the field.

- Cheat almost.

- What's your point?

But I didn't cheat.

Jocelyn made the first move.

She kissed me

but I didn't kiss her back.

That does not count as cheating.

The thing is, and this is

where you come in,

I want you to go back in time and stop

Stephanie from busting me with Jocelyn.

What?

- Why should I?

- Because I made a big mistake.

A huge one. And it'll never

happen again, I swear.

I don't know.

I mean, you really hurt her.

I know. I know and I feel awful.

But Steph and I have been

going out a long time now.

She's everything a guy could ever want.

I like that the three of us

have been hanging out again.

Like the old days,

and it could still be like that, man.

Come on, buddy.

What do you say?

- I need to think about it.

- Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Hey! What's going on? Hold up.

Put on your seat belt.

I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy.

But I can give you

the names of the two...

I was gonna give them fake names.

I'd never rat you out.

Yeah, right.

- Mr.'Keep Me On Hold All Night.'

- Good afternoon, gentlemen.

My name is Agent Rehnquist, of the

Federal Bureau of Investigation.

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