Misery Loves Comedy Page #2

of... of his

first reaction was...

"When the world

beats you to sh*t,

you can come back with your tail

between your legs, can't you?"

And I said,

"Yeah, but I'm not really...

that's not really kinda what

I'm focused on right now, Dad."

Now, one could make the case

that he was right.

I came crawling back

after being chewed up

and spit out

by this goddamn town.

But I would just like you for

once to go, "That was great,"

but there's always a criticism.

"Okay, so we're not allowed...

So, should I say something nice

first and then I can say..."

That'd be nice.

That's a start.

Let's start there, but then it

comes out as Irish sarcastic.

"Well, your jeans fit great."

Acceptance is...

has al...

been a big part of... of

dealing with who he was

and realizing very early in life

that I was far from perfect

made it a little bit easier,

but not much, and there's

a whole 'nother layer to it.

It's like, when you're...

when you're a junior,

you're really just

a statue built to honor

that which walked

before you, right?

Like, your name is his.

You're... you're going

to do what he was going to do

and there's not a discussion.

And as my grandfather said

before he passed away,

"You're gonna fix

what he f***ed up."

And so whether that's

rightful pressure or not,

that's... that's pressure, so...

How old are

you when he says that?

I was 15 years old. 15.

He told me he was proud of me...

He was sick and he was

in hospice care at that point

and he said, uh, he said,

"Freddie, did you

clean your room today?"

I said, "Yeah, Papa,

I cleaned my room."

He said, "I'm very,

very proud of you."

And you're 15, you don't realize

he's saying it for everything,

but he's too much of a man

to say it, right?

I go, "Yeah,

yeah, no problem."

And he goes, "You know, your

father really f***ed things up."

"What?"

He goes,

"And it's your job to fix it."

Four hours later, he was dead.

I literally was just like...

"Um, I gotta get into acting."

Literally, I saw Neil

Patrick Harris that summer

getting people excited

for acting in my high school

and I was like,

"I gotta do this sh*t."

98% of kids suffer

from "Hey, look at me,"

desperate for attention.

Is there a way to explain

why any of us actually chooses

"Hey, look at me" as a career?

"Oh, I'm gonna devote

the rest of my life

to being the center

of attention."

Those early teens where you

get to sort of hang out

with your father and his

friends, you know, occasionally,

and just sort of getting

a sense of their...

of their kind of adult humor

and just seeing

little glimpses of it.

They were still

moderating it for the kids,

but you could see

between the cracks,

there was something

a little bit more edgy there

and a little bit naughtier

and the bad language

was kept to a minimum,

but, you know,

you could see it was brewing

and the off-color subjects

were in the air.

I remember that being

very tantalizing, you know?

Kind of wanting

to hang with them.

I would sit in the pub garden,

'cause I wasn't allowed in the pub,

but sitting in the pub garden with them

and, you know, eating a bag of crisps

and kind of excited,

and so that excitement of when

do I get to be part of that?

And it was this dynamic of

the laughter, you'd hear, like...

As a kid,

I'm just hearing, like...

And you'd hear

this rumbling laughter

and I was completely

taken by it, fascinated,

and it was some of these

relatives from the past

that really got me, like,

"Okay, this is something.

Something going on here."

- And it was alcohol.

- Uh-huh.

That's what I realized.

It was the booze.

I was sitting around the table,

and from a very, very young age,

I always dominated

the conversation.

It was the one place that,

like, I f***ing hung out in

I could hung out forever

because people were laughing.

And that was, like,

every Sunday or every Friday

or every time we would have,

like, a big meal

where everybody was there,

for some reason,

they would always be laughing at me

and I would be telling stories about...

Sometimes it was like, you know,

terrible things, you know, like,

I got beat up a lot when I was a kid

and, like, my sister thought

it was hilarious, you know?

I remember one time

and she was like, "Oh, my God,

how many times did Dominic

Dipento kick your ass this week?"

And I'd be like,

"It's not funny, all right?"

And I'd start to cry

and then I'd turn into a joke,

and then, like, it would turn

into, like, a bit or something.

I don't remember a lot...

making the family laugh.

More that I would laugh a lot

at the family, you know?

I would laugh a lot

at my uncle's jokes

and comedy shows

and things like that.

And it was the feeling of that

- that made me interested in comedy, I think.

- Right.

It was quite a while before you consciously

made the decision to try to make...

To make a joke, yes.

How much later? How old...

My first joke was...

I was a late joker.

My first joke was at 21.

Seriously?

No, no, no, no.

That was great.

I just like telling stories.

I would have my family sit

around and I would be like,

"Guys, I have this story,

you have to hear it."

And they'd be like...

I would just make up a story

as I went along,

a horrible story,

just about, like, fake...

Animals, I'd be like...

"So this rabbit

just was in the forest."

And they were just like,

"We know you're making this up

as you go along

and it's not good."

And... but... and my dad would

film it and then we'd watch it

and I'd be like, "Oh, my God,

this girl is gonna make it."

So it was definitely

for me, personally,

'cause I really don't know

about kids on purpose,

but for me personally, I...

My narcissism

and thinking that I

deserved attention

was... was reinforced

by my parents.

Every kid makes up

knock-knock jokes,

but it takes kids

a long time to understand it.

- They'll still try it.

- Right.

They'll make up their own rules,

and they're funny

because they've got

the idea wrong.

You know, I actually

was a very, very shy kid.

I don't think I was funny

until after... until I left home.

And so that's why my parents

are still surprised.

They're like, "What is...

what is happening?

Why... Why are you

on Letterman?"

There's something about

family, that connection,

and then to have

that secret kind of

sense of humor together,

where the same goofy sh*t

makes you laugh.

Like, everyone loves

my dad's political stuff

and his serious

sledgehammer stuff,

I love his goofy sh*t.

I love the little moments

where he's just got a phrase

in between even two bits

and he'll just

say a little something

about Uncle Fred

or something or Steve or...

just a little something,

and that...

that's like the humor we shared,

was that little stuff.

And I do have a memory of,

I guess it was,

like, junior high,

I think we were at Gelson's,

first when Gelson's first came out,

and we decided to do...

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