Mockingbird

Hello?

Mom?

Dad?

...Is that you?

Who's there?

Hello?

Stay away from me!

Please!

Please!

Just leave!

I did what you said!

I have the camera!

Get out!

Leave!

I never stopped filming!

I didn't call anyone.

Go away!

Go away!

Leave!

I did

everything you said!

I never stopped filming!

What the hell?

Huh!

Hey, handsome.

Would you turn that off?

- I'm not gonna turn it off.

- This was left on our doorstep.

Come on, you guys.

Come on. Help me out.

Why do we have to

get off the bed?

No, this is

their version of helping.

- This is our room...

- Come on.

So, as much as I hate saying

I was wrong and you were right,

- uh, this, I believe is

one of those contests.

Excuse me.

What did you just say?

I said... I said I was

wrong and you were right.

Ah.

Feels good, right?

It feels good.

That was amazing.

That was amazing.

- My kids don't listen to me. It's great.

- And not... That's new.

- Can you please help me? I can

jump. I'm just waiting for Dad.

Um,

why don't I just sit here...

All right, so where did this

kind of camera come from?

Okay. This was a red box sitting

on our doorstep and it had a card.

It said, "Congratulations. "

And I do believe

it was from a...

One of

the contests that you entered.

- Mom won a contest.

- And, uh...

- Mom won a contest.

- And you won.

- No way.

- Yeah. This was free.

- I... You know what?

- Which is my favorite price.

- Did you really?

- I gave you two children.

I am so nice to you. Why

would you mess with me like...

Look at me. I'm not... I'm not lying.

Why would I lie about this?

I've already admitted

to you that I was wrong

and I'm glad that you

filled out that stupid thing.

'Cause I like free stuff

as much as the next guy.

Let me see that. Let me...

Come here. Let me see it.

I told you.

- Look.

- No, it's the one at the mall.

- Yes. Yes.

- I mean I filled one out.

- I mean...

- Yes.

You think this is it?

Wait. More cleaning

and less running around.

- Where's your sister?

- How'd you win? How'd you win?

Your uncle's gonna

be here any second.

Hey,

did you put pajamas in here?

- Did you guys pack?

- Megan.

I did not put my pajamas in here.

- Did you put PJs in here?

You each get to pick one toy

to bring with Gary.

- I did not pick pajamas.

- Okay. Yes you can. Okay.

Get it, get it, get it.

- I can jump from bed to bed.

- If you wanna take it...

I'm not gonna do this by

myself. You guys help me out.

One...

Two...

- Ah! Oh, my God!

- Three...

- If I get to five, I will eat you.

- Okay. Right here.

- What?

- Four...

No!

Five...

Mommy! He's gonna eat you.

...We're on the boat.

We're on the boat.

We can't... You can't get us.

We're on the boat.

Well, luckily

I'm a shark with legs.

...Uh-oh! I'm gonna eat her!

...He's on the boat!

What's this?

Did I win you?

Hmm?

Where did you come from?

Hello.

Shall we take

a tour of the place?

Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're entering the kitchen.

This is the kitchen.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

This is the refrigerator.

Hello.

There's my girls.

Mmm.

I remember when I used to have the time

to sit and read books on these couches.

And now...

Now... Not so much.

We refuse to let

the children eat with us.

They're forced to sit in the corner of

this kitchen where we feed them only gruel.

- But that's okay.

It's cheap labor and...

I figure... Oh, crap!

Ah.

Welcome to my

expensive dining room set.

Mmm-hmm.

This is my work.

And this is all the stuff

that keeps me from my work.

I, uh, end up doing all my

children's homework for them,

and yet somehow

they still get B's.

So what does

that say about me?

Tadpole's about 10.

Wow.

She's an old baby.

- He's a big girl.

- Yeah.

He's a big, big girl.

Do you see his soft paws?

He's older

than both of you guys.

You're the best,

best little baby.

He loves that.

Bridge made of diamonds.

And then we go to the queen's,

um, castle.

And then we go to...

Is the queen a nice queen

or is she a mean queen?

A nice.

And then we go over here.

- Yeah?

- To the trees.

- Mmm-hmm.

- And then we get to the "X."

Hello?

Hi, Mom.

I've never won

anything before.

I don't know.

No, I... I don't know.

From one of those millions of

things that I fill out on campus.

You know, for like the...

Credit cards and

water bottles and sh*t.

Boring. Mmm-hmm.

It says, "Keep filming.

You're a star. "

Yeah.

I don't know.

At least somebody

knows I'm a star.

Mmm-hmm.

Yes, I'm sure I'll make

friends when I start school.

I know.

Thank you.

I think I'm very lovable, too.

No. I'm not gonna call Eric.

You know what, Mom? I don't really

wanna talk about this right now.

Uh...

Tonight I am

most likely doing...

This.

Yeah.

Probably talking on

the phone with you.

And playing with my camera.

Yo, a free camera.

- I got it. I got it.

- Oh, sh*t. All right.

- Did you see the camera?

- Yeah. I saw the camera.

- It's really weird.

- Hi.

Thanks, Gare, appreciate it.

You won it in a,

a sweepstakes. Sweepstakes?

Yeah. I just signed a...

I signed up for it in a mall.

Did you give 'em your credit

card number or something?

- No!

- No.

If you guys need anything,

you call me, okay.

- Bye, Mommy.

- Bye, sweetie.

We're gonna have fun. We're

gonna go roller-skating tonight.

- Dad told us.

- Yay!

- Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

- Dad...

Get out. Get out. Go.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We already know that.

Daddy told us.

- Before I get in trouble.

- Have, have fun with that camera, you freak.

- Oh, we got so busted.

- All right, here we go. Let's go, guys.

- Bye!

- Bye!

- Bye.

- Love you.

Come on. Enough.

All right.

I want you all to myself.

Not covered in Cheerios.

It's so quiet.

Let's make some noise.

Okay.

Put the camera down.

I wanna do

it with the camera.

Look at that butt.

Look at that butt. Oh, yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, you know what?

I can make you

a video of my day.

Yeah, of campus and...

And I can show you

the guesthouse and all that.

- No,

they're gone for the week.

Yeah. It's music, Mom.

I hear it, too.

Creepy.

Maybe there's someone there.

I live in their guesthouse.

They don't tell me

what they're doing.

What?

No. It won't turn off.

Oh, man!

I don't know.

It won't turn off.

I think I broke it.

I don't know.

No, it's just not turning off.

- How does that thing turn off?

- I don't know.

- Uh... This button?

- There's usually like a button on the top.

How did you turn it on?

I don't know.

It was already on.

This should turn it off

right here. Is that working?

Look through the viewfinder.

See if you see anything.

- No. Mmm-hmm.

- Is it still on?

No.

It is. Yeah, it's still on.

This button right here

should be turning it off.

Well, it's not.

That's weird.

Are you just gonna

sit there and watch me?

I can think of no

greater subject.

Because I could

give you a job.

A better job than preserving

your beauty for all eternity?

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